What is Japanese bondage?

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Bondage

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Some tips on Self-Bondage

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Classic bondage

So just what is this fascination with bondage? When did you first get into it?

Remember getting turned on by those cowboy films? As a Top there’s that feeling of control. The watching them struggle – very sexy.



If it’s you tied up there’s that feeling of helplessness. The struggle to get out, but not wanting it to end. In longer term bondage there’s the tension in the muscles, that ache and stiffness. All great fun if it’s done safely. Don’t ask for a long and complicated discussion on why we do it – it’s just fun and very sexy and that’s all you need to know. Well almost…

The key issue in rope bondage is to watch for circulation problems. The skin should never get cold or blue. This can lead to trapped nerves or even loss of use if left restricted for too long. Watch also for rope burns and chafing. The pain involved with these often unintentional actions can stop a scene just as it gets started. So be as careful at taking the rope off as you are at putting it on.

The right materials

You can use almost anything to tie someone up but some things are better than others. Your best silk ties work wonders but you might not want to use them. Likewise wire or nylon string can be pretty permanent once on but perhaps a little unwise. The best things are those which don’t come undone easily or are too thin so that they cut into the skin. Soft nylon rope of about 1cm thickness is ideal but then so is ordinary string or bootlaces. Rope comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes so the choice is yours. A yacht chandlers is an Aladdin’s cave for bondage enthusiasts.One essential thing to have handy with any bondage is a pair of bandage scissors. These have a flat edge to get between the skin and the material to cut. They are the safest way to cut anyone out if they panic or undo that knot which has become just a little too tight. Keep that Stanley knife secure in your tool box – it has no place in a play room.

Heavy metal

If you are using metal as your method of restraint again watch for chafing. Pad the encased limb if necessary and remember that the metal is a lot stronger than the bone it surrounds. Make sure the two don’t bang against each other -broken bones are not sexy.If you are using locks, keep the key to hand and be ready just in case the Bottom panics. If you are into using lots of padlocks consider buying a set that all use the same key. That way you will avoid those embarassing fumbles in the dark. Chain can be sexy just because of its weight and the fantasy of jails and incarceration but the links can pinch the skin, so watch out, especially if you are using it on sensitive parts of the body.

DIY

If it’s auto-bondage which turns you on be careful not to do things up too tight and if you are locking things on keep the keys within easy reach. Just because there has never been a fire in your house so far doesn’t mean it won’t happen in the next half an hour.

Classic advice

The captions give you some idea of classic bondage positions but in general how to tie people up can be governed purely by the safety rules and your imagination. Wrist to wrist is popular like handcuffs. Ankle to ankle the same. If you want to connect the two, do it with a separate piece of rope – it puts less strain on the various limbs. If this join is at the back it is called a ‘hog-tie’. With this method watch for the breathing as the bottom will find a lot of their weight on their chest restricting the intake of air. Other permutations are up to you. A lot of bondage issues are common sense and with a little care all your scenes can be safe ones, its now up to you to make them all sexy.

THE CLASSIC HOGTIE

It’s simple really.

Create a rope handcuff around the wrists and then another around the ankles.

Then secure them together.





THE ESSENTIAL ROPE HANDCUFF



Use 2 metres long and 8mm thick. Wrap the rope a couple of times around the wrists but don’t pull it tight. Then cross the rope around itself and pass the ends between the wrists.



Wrap the rope a couple of times between the wrists and use this to tighten the wrists together. The handcuff should be snug and firm without being too tight.



Finish it off with a double knot. Remember to tie it under the wrists away from your subject’s teeth.

smgays.org/info-sheets/classic-bondage

Kinbaku Bondage Knowledge

What is Kinbaku

Kinbaku, like Shibari is a sexualised extension of Hojojutsu. Techniques once used for restraining prisoners have been subtly altered to address the line where pain becomes pleasure… where the intent for torture becomes a consensual element of BDSM.  

What is the meaning of ‘Kinbaku’

In Japan, Kinbaku is less commonly known as sokubaku, bakujojutsu, and senyojo jutsu, and it has been suggested that the differentiation in naming has parallels with the martial arts, where similar practices are referred to with terms that differ between various groups of practitioners. Whilst still studying a martial art there are different disciplines arising from different perspectives.
Read our position on the differences between Kinbaku and Shibari, in a modern western context.

Looking at the Japanese language, “kinbaku” literally translates to “bind tightly”. Note that this is a verb (a doing word) it describes an 'act’. It is not used to indentify or describe a finshed state. It is incorrect to say that kinbaku refers to a 'tight binding’, unless you are referring to the act of  'binding tight’, and then the difference between 'binding tight’ and 'bind tightly’ becomes mere semantics.

The actual meaning of 'kinbaku’, when examining the use within the Japanese bondage scene, is different to the direct translation. The term 'Kinbaku’ implies an exchange between at least two people. You cannot correctly use the term to describe the act of tying up a chair, no matter how tightly you do so.Kinbaku most correctly describes the exchange between the person(s) tying and the person(s) being bound. Technically you could practice kinbaku with a ribbon instead of rope. Rope is simply the most favoured instrument of choice.

How is Kinbaku different to other forms of bondage?

Please Note: These characteristics, do not define Kinbaku as a discipline, they are merely preferences that can be seen when observing the communities that identify with the term Kinbaku. As with all generalisations, individuals should not be judged against such criteria.
The are particular ropes preferred by those practicing Kinbaku:

• Natural fibre rope, most specifically jute ropes
• The use of rope with a diameter of 5-7mm
• The use of coloured ropes is rare
• Finishing is almost exclusively a single knot
• Lengths are typically limited to 7-8 metres

Further Identifiers

• Kinbaku practitioners tend to pay more attention to functionality as a method of restraint
• There is a preference to fix ropes using ‘weaves’ as apposed to knots  
• Rope is deployed with erotic intent, where the rigger often actively targets erogenous zones

When we are discussing rope bondage in the west, 'Kinbaku’ shares a number of similarities with Shibari, both disciplines – when practiced at higher levels – tend toinvolve riggers who structure ties in a manner where the ropes themselves become pleasurable for the person being bound.

The reason the discipline of Kinbaku seems to possess a preference to avoid knots could be related back to the origins of Hojojutsu, where it was considered shameful for people of a higher status to be bound. In these instances the rope was applied in a manner where no knots were used.

Terminology – Kinbaku Vs Shibari

In the west Kinbaku and Shibari have become terms used describe rope play that is inspired by Japanese rope bondage. At Jade Rope we do not argue that one term is more correct than the other, because in reality a decade has passed with neither term being used accurately and this has given rise to seperate and distinct meanings that are almost wholly seperated from the Japanese langauge from which they were originally borrowed.

When discussing rope outside of Japan, we do not assert that Kinbaku is a different style of rope play to Shibari, nor do we believe that they are the same.  We do, however, avoid using the terms indiscriminately; it is our position that it is the intention behind the activity of binding another with rope which discerns the appropriate term.

If a tie or technique is being used by a person in a martial arts context, this intention makes the act Hojojutsu. Similarly, we believe if that same tie is used in an artistic pose, where emphasis and – most importantly – the intent of the person tying is aesthetically driven… the act is Shibari, whilst should the same tie used to create a sexually driven scene… then Kinbaku can be applied most appropriately. This position has been influenced by the truer usage of the terms in Japanese bondage, where 'kinbaku’ is used to describe the exchange between two people enjoying a session of rope play, whilst shibari is a term used to describe the study of rope, or to refer to the beauty of a finished tie in a photo.

There are numerous translations and even more interpretations of meaning surrounding the terms kinbaku and shibari. All of these interpretations are seeking to accurately define concepts which in reality cannot be removed from Japan.   Once removed from the Japanese culture, the context in which the western world uses these terms are significantly different… and to date the meaning varies almost between each person.

At Jade Rope we see kinbaku and shibari existing in a state of duality, a state which has emerged naturally within the western bdsm communities and we have decided to champion these dual viewpoints by recognising both Kinbaku and Shibari by the underlying intentions of the person who is practicing these rope based art forms.

www.jaderope.co.uk/kinbaku-bondage/

B is for Bondage - Bondage 101 / Basic Bondage Kit

Jack and Simon

A sharp-suited business man of about thirty shuts and bolts the door of the dungeon. At 6’2” and 200lb, he seems to fill the low-ceilinged space. He towers over the man he has come to meet. The two shake hands. “Jack,” the tall man says. “Simon,” the other replies. There is the briefest of pauses as the two men size each other up. “What do you think?” Jack asks, spreading his muscular arms wide. “Hot,” Simon replies taking in the bigger man’s broad shoulders and pumped chest and the torso that tapers at the waist and flares out again to accommodate the thickly muscled thighs 

Both men visibly relax. They have made it past the transition when an online interaction becomes a real-world encounter. It’s not just the relief that their online and real selves match up––That’s only the first part one of the transition––the second is the adjustment to the physical reality of the other person. From their online chats, Simon knew that Jack in person would be self-confident and assertive, but this is magnified when projected by a body that seems to be sculpted out of slabs of muscle and is expressed, not by text that flashes up on a screen, but by words spoken by a man who knows how good looking he is, and how much power that gives him over others. 

They had met three months before in a gay chat room, and it had taken them months of occasional and sometimes fraught online chats before they’d agreed to meet in dungeon for the evening, from 6 to 10 PM, after which Jack would go back to his girlfriend who thought that he’d been marking time at a work function. Jack inspects the equipment in the dungeon. He’s particular impressed by a metal seat whose back and sides consist of a framework of thick metal tubes bolted to the wall. He reaches over the back of the seat and grabs the sturdy metal post that is bolted into the floor and ceiling between the chair and wall. He tests the post’s strength against his own. “It’s solid,” Simon says. “That’s why I chose this place.”

When people from outside the gay BDSM world look at bondage gear, they see sinister leather and metal artefacts that remind them of medieval torture chambers, but if they took the trouble to inspect them closely, they’d see that a lot of it is poor quality and shoddily made. Of course, you can buy more expensive heavy-duty restraints, but many doms, quite apart from not wanting to pay the higher price tags, prefer something that looks the part but that the sub could get himself out of in an emergency. Others, however, hold to the maxim, “It’s not bondage if you can get out of it.” Jack had used those very words to Simon when he’d started to explain the kind of scene he wanted. For Jack, it was all about bondage. 

“We’re wasting time,” Simon says, his voice suddenly taking on a harder edge. Noticing the tone of command in Simon’s voice, Jack’s instinct is to respond to the challenge from a rival male. If this were a business or social situation, Jack would have used his physical presence to establish his dominance. But he checks himself. This is part of the agreement: If he wants to be tied up, he has to submit for long enough for Simon to do the job he’s come to do. He drops his head. “Yes, sir,” he mumbles. “What was that? I didn’t hear,” Simon says with growing assurance. Somehow Simon now appears larger, but it’s not the relative sizes of their bodies that have changed but the space they make use of. Jack’s has shrunk, ceding control of the dungeon to Simon. “Yes Sir!” Jack repeats grudgingly. But Simon stops there, knowing not to push his luck. Jack hasn’t signed up for an evening of sub-dom role play, or, as he’d said, “any other gay shit.”

“Strip naked and fold your clothes away neatly, slave,” Simon orders, sitting down on an elaborate carved wooden chair that might be someone’s idea of a master’s throne, but looks ridiculously theatrical to Simon. Nevertheless, it gives him the perfect vantage point from which to watch Jack strip. The businessman’s suit jacket and slacks, the precisely knotted tie and crisp white shirt are folded neatly into a pile on the floor and crowned with the final item, Ryan’s stylish boxer briefs––everything just so: the right brands, the right colors, and the right fit. 

The business suit has stripped one layer of authority from Jack. In theory, his nakedness in front of a clothed man should make him feel powerless and humiliated. But Jack naked is even more magnificent than Jack dressed, and both he and Simon know it. Simon tries not to show the uprush of pure animal lust that bubbles up from his groin and courses through his body. He pauses for a moment to admire the impressive musculature that Jack had built and sculpted since childhood when he had first started to compete in sport. A professional sportsman for ten years, in retirement, he hasn’t let himself go soft. 

Simon is no flabby loser, but he’d be the first to admit that he isn’t in Jack’s league. He’s a well-preserved forty-two-year-old gay man with his own business. He started to dom seriously in his mid-thirties after dabbling in gay BDSM for years. After he’d bought his own place, he kitted out a small playroom. It was the mention of “fully-equipped playroom” in Simon’s listing that had prompted Jack to contact him. Early on in their online conversation, Jack had asked to see pictures of Simon’s playroom. He’d taken one look and had declared it inadequate. “I could bust out in no time,” he’d said with total certainty. “And when I do, I get to tie you up and use all those kiddy toys on you, mister.”

It was then that Simon had realized that Jack was nothing like any of the subs he knew. He’d met gay bodybuilders who looked like Jack. He’d initially mistaken him for one of those air-headed, helium-heeled muscleboys who looked great in chaps but usually couldn’t take much BDSM. They usually only wanted one scene: To be tied into a sling, fed a steady supply of drugs, and fucked and fisted all night. If they were the gay parody, Jack was the model they were parodying. He insisted he wasn’t gay or even bi, and declared categorically that “any gay sex shit” wasn’t going to be part of the scene. 

At first, Simon had taken it for granted that Jack wanted to be restrained so that he, Simon, could do something to him. When Simon tied up a sub in his playroom, it was as a prelude to a BDSM activity or sex. He’d never considered bondage to be an end in itself. That’s why it was B&D––bondage and discipline and S&M. He knew that there were guys who liked to be encased in rubber or leather, locked in sleep sacks, and left for hours, but that wasn’t what Jack was after. He had to be tied in a single position for a scene several hours long, and apart from the hood and restraints, he was to be naked. When Simon had again raised the question of sex or S&M, Jack had replied angrily that if Simon attempted anything when Jack was restrained during the scene, he’d break free and break every bone in Simon’s body.

After that exchange, Simon had seriously considered ending their online contact and blocking Jack’s messages. The guy might have been some kind of gay-hating psycho. In the end a mix of lust, hope, and curiosity had overcome his misgivings. But after that, he’d given up trying to negotiate with Jack, whose idea of negotiation was telling Simon what he wanted and asking him, not whether he wanted to do it, but whether he was able to do it. Simon wondered how long Jack had been working on the scene and how many other doms he’d approached. From then on, Jack explained the scene, and Simon listened and tried to work out how to achieve it in practice. His playroom was out, and a hire dungeon was the obvious choice, as long as it had facilities for Jack-proof bondage. 

It was only when they’d settled on the place and Jack was sure that Simon was able to deliver on the bondage that Jack told him what happened after he’d be tied and hooded. Simon had been sure there was something more and he waited eagerly for Jack to tell him. Simon had imagined a number of possible scenarios, from the extraordinary to the absurd. “Dude,” Jack typed. “When I’m secure, and after you’ve given me a chance to break free, you’ll start to jerk me off. But you can’t let me shoot until the very end of the session.” The great revelation was that Jack wanted Simon to edge him! It was such a letdown that Simon couldn’t think of anything to say, but realizing that Jack expected him to say something, he’d typed, “Awesome.” He’d almost given up again that evening. But after all the months of online investment, he thought he should get something for his trouble. Hell! If that was really all Jack wanted, Simon would just walk away and ask the owner of the dungeon to go release Jack. But in his fantasies about the scene, he still harbored the hope that there would be––must be––something more to it than bondage and an adolescent jerk off. 

The session begins and Simon is still convinced that the naked Jack will ask for something more. He sits on the metal seat and allows Simon to put into practice his design for inescapable bondage. The dungeon has a set of good lockable wrist and ankle restraints, and the metal tubing and vertical post makes for excellent attachment points. Ryan’s arms are tied extended behind him, one hand on either side of the post so that he cannot move his hands backward or forward­­––the only way he might be able to slide or twist out of the restraints. Ankle restraints and straps around his thighs hold his legs immobile against the legs of the seat and the metal tubing. A collar holds his head in place to the back of the seat, and a broad lockable strap under his pecs fixes his torso to the tubing behind him. The signal that the scene has begun in earnest is when Simon fits the hood over Jack’s head and locks it shut. He steps back.

Jack remains completely still and quiet for a minute or so. And then Simon sees that every muscle on Jack’s body is contracting. His chest swells, stretching the leather strap. He’s exerting the absolute maximum physical strength against the restraints and the metal structure they’re tied to. The repeated muscle contractions are accompanied by a vocalization––that’s the only way Simon can describe it. Starting low, it climbs through pitch range to end abruptly in a strangulated yell as he runs out of air. “Whatever you hear and whatever I say,” Jack had said in their final online chat, “you have to leave me there until ten.” A simple yes had not been good enough. Simon had had to agree to it several times, and then swear that he’d do it. 

After another ten-second pause, Jack tenses his muscles again, this time trying to rock his body forward to try and pull the whole assemblage of seat, post, and tubing out of its fixings. His continued failure prompts several more attempts to release himself by attacking the structure in different ways, seeking any weak spot that will be the key to his freedom. Simon is fascinated and impressed by the energy Jack is devoting to his escape attempts. His body glistens with sweat, and his breathing is ragged from exhaustion. For a moment, Simon wonders if Jack will succeed: Snap the post and free his hands, or pull the whole seat away from the wall. But finally he gives up. A few seconds later, the screaming begins. Jack bellows with rage and screams obscenities, threats, and insults. Simon is glad that the words are muffled by the hood and garbled by Jack’s rage because he’s sure that all of the abuse and threats are directed at him. As the rage subsides, it makes way for something that sounds like hysteria or panic. Finally, Jack begins to sob––long heartfelt sobs expressing some irreplaceable loss or terrible despair. 

The sobs, too, subside. Jack is completely still and his breathing eases. Simon takes this as his cue to start edging his captive. “Give me some time to see if I can bust free,” Jack had instructed. “And then start edging me.” Simon kneels in front of Jack and pours lube over his dick that is now flaccid. As soon as Simon’s fingers wrap themselves around Jack’s shaft, it springs back into life. It’s fully erect in seconds. Soon Jack is moaning in pleasure. A warning “no-no-no-no” makes Simon let go of Jack’s dick that now stands rock hard and vertical. Simon only has to give it the occasional few strokes to elicit an instant response, quickly followed by an urgent warning “no-no-no,” if he goes on too long. 

Simon suddenly understands why Jack had chosen him and spent months coaching him for the scene. How many doms had he approached in the past? Most would have turned him down straight away or quit part way through when they realized what he wanted. It isn’t an altogether pleasant realization that he’s been chosen because Jack was sure that he’d do exactly as instructed. His reward is to handle what must be in gay terms, the best and least accessible body and cock in town. But he hasn’t had any input in the scene, apart from finding and hiring the dungeon. The  scene could not happen without him, but only in the same way that it couldn’t happen without the restraints: He’s just one component in an elaborate fantasy to which he’s contributed nothing. 

Nevertheless, Simon has to admit that he’s turned on by the scene. If you look at the scene in terms of its content, very little happening, but witnessing the intensity of Jack’s reaction, Simon realizes that a lot is going inside Jack’s head. And now he does believe that Jack is straight, and that he’s the first and only gay man who’s seen Jack bound and naked, and the first man to play with his amazing cock.

At the beginning of the session Simon had felt used. He was just another prop, like the dungeon, the bondage gear, the seat. But now any idea of walking out, or of using the equipment in the dungeon to teach Jack a lesson has gone. It’s not going to be one of Simon’s top ten sexual experiences, but it will be on of his top ten experiences. And he’s pretty sure it will just be the once, and that at ten o'clock when Jack gets dressed and walks out of the door, he’ll never see him again. For their remaining time in the dungeon, the two men share a strange, wordless communion. Simon has pulled up a chair and spends most of his time staring at Jack’s perfect body, wondering what’s going on in his head. But he can’t make much sense of the facts he’s assembled: very hot straight man, former sportsman and successful businessman, the ultimate alpha male. What’s he doing here with a gay man, naked, restrained, and with a boner so hard and responsive, you’d normally only expect to find it on a horny teenager? 

For most of the last hour, Jack cries quietly in the hood. When Simon’s cellphone vibrates at 9.45, he’s both relieved and sorry that the session is ending and that their strange connection is about to end. Jack has been the easiest man to edge. Normally, Simon finds it tedious to edge a sub but sometimes consents to do it in exchange for something he wants. But Jack has needed only the briefest of touches to draw up drop after drop of pre-cum from his swollen cockhead. Simon quickens his pace to push Jack over the edge and grant him his long-delayed climax. The warning no-no-no extends into an ecstatic nooooooooooo as Jack reaches the point of no-return. When Jack finally shoots, it’s not the spasms that spurt of spunk high into the air that Simon expected but more the overflowing of a long pent-up store. Semen flows continuously out of Jack’s cock for much longer than Simon thinks is humanly possible, coating Jack’s shaft and Simon’s hand, spilling over the seat, and dripping over the floor. The flow ceases; Jack falls quiet, no longer responding to Simon’s touch. 

Not knowing what else to do, Simon goes to the bathroom to wash his hands. When he returns, he instantly sees that the old Jack is back. The erection is gone, and Jack immediately shifts his head in response to Simon’s approaching footsteps. “What’s the time?” He asks, as if the preceding three-and-a-half hours had not taken place. “10.30,” Simon replies. “Shit man, I said ten o’clock.” Shocked by the speed of the transformation, Simon can’t think of anything to say. “Hurry up! Get me untied. I need to get back to my girlfriend.” Simon unlocks and unbuckles the network of straps and restraints. Once released, Jack showers and dresses, and without saying another word to Simon, he leaves the dungeon. On the drive home, where his boyfriend eagerly awaits to hear what happened, Simon tries to work it out for himself. What should he say: the truth or something a gay man would believe?

Catharsis

You may wonder why I picked the story of Jack and Simon for the edition of this blog dedicated to bondage. The story is certainly atypical of the average gay BDSMer’s experience of bondage. But I chose because it highlights the aspects of bondage that are often overlooked. Bondage is often reduced to a mere prelude to other forms of play or sex. But bondage is the bedrock on which the whole of gay BDSM rests––a physical shorthand standing for submission, slavery, powerlessness,  and loss of control. 

Like Simon, we can only guess at what was happening inside Jack’s head during the scene, but the experience of being tied without any chance of escape­­, triggered an emotional reaction so powerful that I recognize in it the power of catharsis: the process of bringing to the surface and releasing emotions we normally find difficult or impossible to access. The ancient Greeks, who coined the term, identified theatrical performances, especially tragedy, as a way of triggering cathartic experiences. A gay BDSM scene, which is itself a type of performance, can be a way to access those deeper closed places within ourselves.

As a dom, I have witnessed the powerful emotional responses that a first scene can elicit from a novice. And in every case I can recall, the initial trigger was bondage. Most of us haven’t been tied up since our childhood games, hence its instant impact in a scene. Bondage provides the initial shock and awe of a gay BDSM scene. When asked what they expect from a session with a dom, subs usually include the phrase “total loss of control.” Bondage is the easiest technique that will make a sub experience this loss of control. And on a purely practical level, it frees your hands up to engage in other activities.

For Jack, inescapable bondage was the only means he had to access the part of himself that he needed to reach. The pretend bondage that most of us use in scenes wouldn’t have worked for him. He had to lose control completely. And this gives us a clue about what might have been going on in his head. Jack was a man who had always been in control; his life an uninterrupted sequence of successes; blessed with good looks and genetic advantage. But maybe he, too, needed to experience what it was like to be utterly powerless and reduced to being the plaything of another man. Did he need to do it to reassert his masculinity, or was it to deal with some other, much darker inner demon?

Bondage 101

My first bondage kit consisted a couple of dressing-gown cords, a necktie, and a scarf to act as a blindfold. But I have since acquired several boxes and drawers full of gear, at least half of which I rarely or never use. The right gear should facilitate a scene and contribute to its atmosphere, but do not confuse gay BDSM with gay BDSM gear. You cannot buy gay BDSM expertise and experience, and ownership of any amount of gear is no guarantee of either. A novice dom needs to get some gear to start experimenting with, and in Part III, I list the items that might be included in a Basic Bondage Kit that is more than sufficient for most bondage scenes. Only when you find something that you really want to do that you cannot do with the basic kit, should you go back to the fetish store.

Cuffs

At some point in my early gay BDSM career, I graduated to handcuffs. But as anyone who’s used played with cheap handcuffs can testify, they’re either easy to get out of, or they close too tightly around the wrists, quickly becoming too uncomfortable to wear. As for suspending someone in handcuffs, you’d have the sub screaming to be released in seconds. If you’re after sensual bondage, metal is not ideal for several of reasons, but primarily comfort, yours and his.

Rope

Rope, while it has many uses in gay BDSM, can be a tricky proposition for the novice. Tie ropes too loosely and they don’t restrain the sub, too tight and you cut the circulation. The latter is not particularly dangerous, but quickly becomes so uncomfortable that it interrupts the scene as you struggle to unpick knots so stretched that they sometimes require to be cut with scissors. Unless you’ve been a scout, a sailor, or a climber, your repertoire of knots might be limited to the regular shoelace knot, which while great for shoelaces, is pretty feeble for bondage. It is worth learning a simple sliding knot or noose that doesn’t undo itself as easily. The Japanese have turned rope bondage–– shibari ––into an art form, but their intricate rope confections require miles of rope and infinite patience on the part of the sub who has to wait the thirty or forty minutes for the dom to complete the tie, which, in my view, they could have spent having fun.

I would recommend rope and its constrictive capacity for cock and ball ties to use for ball stretching with and without weights, and cock/ball leashes. But selecting the right material and thickness for CBT use is essential. (see Basic Bondage Kit section below for my recommendation on type of rope to get).

Leather

Although I never bought into the whole “leather lifestyle,” ever since I got my first set of leather restraints, they’ve been my most used and useful piece of gear. Fitted and removed in seconds, and unlikely to cut the circulation or damage the skin, wrist restraints, when combined with a collar and ankle restraints gives you access to a large repertoire of safe, secure positions.

Plastic and Velcro

Plastic ties of the type used in Fifty Shades, I would definitely not recommend. Fitted too tight, they will cut the skin and circulation, and you need scissors to cut them off. Sex shops sell starter bondage kits consisting of nylon restraints that fasten with Velcro. They neither look the part, nor are they particularly functional. Don’t waste your money. Stick to rope or invest in good restraints.

Heavy duty

The restraints Simon used on Jack were thick leather with good quality metal fixings that can be padlocked shut. There’s always the danger that a determined sub like Jack could work his hands out of locked restraints––escapologists have tricks to escape from shackles, chains, and locked restraints. But Simon had secured Jack’s arms behind his back, in such a way that he could not move his hands enough to get out of the restraints. Additionally, he was secured around the chest, thighs, and ankles so that he was pretty much immobilized, and unable to use changes his body position and shape to escape. Simon could have used heavy metal shackles and collars that have no give at all. While they definitely look the business, they are expensive, heavy, and uncomfortable for the sub and for any dom who might be hoping for any physical intimacy, as metal and the more sensitive parts of the human anatomy do not mix well.

Basic Bondage Kit

Leather wrist restraints

check the quality of the metal fixings. What often fails on cheap restraints are the fixings that join the metal and leather. Unless you’re planning to meet a Jack, you won’t need lockable restraints; A solid buckle arrangement is all that you need. Check how the strap is attached to the leather cuff. My first pair, while they looked good, failed because the strap came loose from the cuff. There should also to be a means of clipping them together or to something else quickly. A lot of restraints only have rings, which means you need to get in a supply of carabiners to fasten them. By chance, the second pair I bought had handy hook clips on each restraint.

Leather ankle restraints

Same as above but slightly larger. Mine just have a ring, so I do sometimes have to scramble to find an unused carabiner, but the average human leg is so powerful that you need heavy-duty fixings and not light clips to hold them.

Leather neck collar

Apart from being a major signifier of the sub or slave status, the collar is a very useful place to attach the slave’s arms if you want to keep them away from his body.

Length of chain

I recommend a short length  of chain to link restraints, collars, and equipment quickly, without the need for knots, and of course, it’s unbreakable.

Rope

You can buy Japanese bondage rope for $50-60 for 30ft, but I’ve always made do with cotton rope I buy from yachting supply shops for a fraction of the price. I keep several lengths at hand: 3ft, I might use to tie a sub’s hands or for a simple cock and ball tie; I’ll use a 5-6ft length if I want to do a combined hand and cock and ball tie or a cock and ball leash. When I experimented with shibari, I used 10-20ft lengths, but the more rope you have, the more it tangles and the more difficult it is to thread through itself and knot.
If your home is not blessed with pillars or ceiling beams to restrain your subs to, rope can be your simplest solution. It’s easy enough to tie a sub to a chair or bed. And if you have a slatted headboard, you can tie rope loops around the end slats to provide solid anchor points to which to clip the sub’s wrist restraints. To restrain a slave standing without any obvious attachment points and minimal gear is a challenge that I’ve faced while staying at hotels or visiting a sub’s home.


If you have enough rope, you can use an internal door. You need two lengths, each one long enough to tie around the sub’s wrist and ankle and wrap around the full length of the door. The simplest is to tie one rope to the right wrist, drop it over the top of the door to the floor and pull it through the gap at the bottom to secure the right ankle. Do the same with the left wrist and ankle and once the door is shut the rope should be held in place. If it doesn’t, you could tie opposite ankle to wrist, so that the two ropes make a cross on the back of the door. My most challenging improvised tie was at a hotel where I could not use the room door and the bathroom had sliding door. The room did have a large fitted wardrobe with two doors and a sturdy clothes rail that proved to be adequate to immobilizing the sub standing spreadeagle.


Always use natural cotton rope, that is not too thin or thick. I usually recommend the thickness of a pencil. Too thin, and it can cut into the skin, and too thick, it may be hard to tie smaller organs or to knot properly. Never use nylon ropes, as they are too hard to be comfortable and easily damage the skin. Hemp and other natural rope fibers are too rough. Because cotton ropes fray, buy a roll of vinyl tape to seal the ends.

Caribiners

Always have a supply of these on hand to clip restraint to restraint, to collar, to chain, to suitable fixings and furnishings.

Eyes on plate

This is an optional extra and the simplest solution to restrain a sub in a standing position. The eye on plate is another yachting fitting that you can easily fit to woodwork to provide a secure attachment point for ropes and restraints.

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