Showing posts with label BDSM Leather Rubber Kinky. Show all posts
Showing posts with label BDSM Leather Rubber Kinky. Show all posts
BDSM & Ethics
Ethics is involved in every topic in one way or another and BDSM is no exception. The trouble with ethics is that they tend to evolve as society and culture evolves given that ethics is defined by the structure of culture’s moral principles (LLC, 2011).
For some people, there is the view that BDSM will ultimately result in crimes of deprivation and extreme violence and while there is definitely a concern for safety and some truly unbalanced individuals, most of the community will follow certain ethical guidelines and safety rules (ASJ, 2002). These guidelines are especially important since those in the community are susceptible to persecution and discrimination from the public (Socyberty, 2011).
The most important ethical consideration in BDSM is mutual consent (ASJ, 2002). The border between the abuse and intensity in power exchange situations and relationships can be difficult to separate, especially for those newer to the lifestyle (Raventstone, 2011). This increases the importance of expressed consent and not implied consent in all BDSM situations. It is the responsibility of both players to be open and communicate their needs but it is also the responsibility of the dominant/top to monitor the submissive/bottom for their level of comfort and to ensure that they are not consenting to play that will conflict with their long term interests and functioning (Kitty, 2000).
So how do you ensure consent when protestation can be part of the game?
Most players set up a safe word system; a word or phrase that will unquestionably halt all play for the physical, mental, or emotional safety of the submissive/bottom.
There may be a single safe word for a full stop to play or a system of words that indicate different states such as “Everything’s great, continue” or “This level is ok but do not increase the intensity”. Typically the word “no” should never be considered a safe word (Kitty, 2000). The safe word should be a word that both play partners should feel comfortable with but would not come up in a play situation.
Another consideration when it comes to safe words is to remember that the safe word is there to protect the dominant/top in the play scenario as well. In most cases, it will probably be the submissive who will be more in need of a safe word but depending on a play scenario and the history of a player, a dominant may wish to employ this safety system as well. It is important that when a safe word is used, by either player, that the partner desists in all play activity and follows up with any aftercare and support that may be needed for the well being of their partner.
Some other important ethical considerations can include but not limited to:
For some people, there is the view that BDSM will ultimately result in crimes of deprivation and extreme violence and while there is definitely a concern for safety and some truly unbalanced individuals, most of the community will follow certain ethical guidelines and safety rules (ASJ, 2002). These guidelines are especially important since those in the community are susceptible to persecution and discrimination from the public (Socyberty, 2011).
The most important ethical consideration in BDSM is mutual consent (ASJ, 2002). The border between the abuse and intensity in power exchange situations and relationships can be difficult to separate, especially for those newer to the lifestyle (Raventstone, 2011). This increases the importance of expressed consent and not implied consent in all BDSM situations. It is the responsibility of both players to be open and communicate their needs but it is also the responsibility of the dominant/top to monitor the submissive/bottom for their level of comfort and to ensure that they are not consenting to play that will conflict with their long term interests and functioning (Kitty, 2000).
So how do you ensure consent when protestation can be part of the game?
Most players set up a safe word system; a word or phrase that will unquestionably halt all play for the physical, mental, or emotional safety of the submissive/bottom.
There may be a single safe word for a full stop to play or a system of words that indicate different states such as “Everything’s great, continue” or “This level is ok but do not increase the intensity”. Typically the word “no” should never be considered a safe word (Kitty, 2000). The safe word should be a word that both play partners should feel comfortable with but would not come up in a play situation.
Another consideration when it comes to safe words is to remember that the safe word is there to protect the dominant/top in the play scenario as well. In most cases, it will probably be the submissive who will be more in need of a safe word but depending on a play scenario and the history of a player, a dominant may wish to employ this safety system as well. It is important that when a safe word is used, by either player, that the partner desists in all play activity and follows up with any aftercare and support that may be needed for the well being of their partner.
Some other important ethical considerations can include but not limited to:
- Proper knowledge - be knowledgeable about the kink your engaging in. This will ensure you are accountable and reduce the risks to maximize the safety of all players involved (Stein, 2005). It is always a good idea to practice a new kink before using it on someone.
- Behave ethically - it is not enough to say you are an ethical person but you must act in accordance to those ethics. If you behave unethically in other areas of your life, this will reflect on you within the community and the community generally does not tolerate unethical players (Raventstone, 2011)
- Ensure a safe environment - try to remove and minimize environmental risks during your play. Be aware of potential environmental dangers such as open flame candles, insecure equipment, etc. Be sure to properly sanitize and clean all toys and equipment (Wicked Eden, 2006). You should also be aware of your partners; be aware of their fantasies as well as emotional and physical limitations to ensure that you set up your play environment to respect those limitations (Rage, 2011)
- Honesty - it is incredibly important to be honest with your partner. Do not omit necessary information. Do not make promises you cannot commit to and do not pretend to be someone you are not outside of a structured role play scenario (Stein, 2005)
- BDSM is not therapy - Do not expect your partner to be a substitute for a therapist unless you have that as an aspect of your relationship. If you have legitimate issues that you feel you need help for, seek the appropriate professional, do not expect your BDSM partner to fill this role (Stein, 2005)
- Do no harm - there is a difference to inflicting pain and doing harm. Be conscious of your partners desires and limits and to stay within those parameters. Inflicting indiscriminate, unintentional, or unwanted pain on your partner is the red flag of a bully or an abusive partner. If pain is inflicted in a scenario, it should be intentional and with consent (Stein, 2005)
- Respect privacy - not everyone is able to live an alternative life in the open. Be aware of your play partner’s situation and do not out their alternative life without their permission
- Complete the experience - do not begin a session with a play partner unless you are prepared to see to their needs and be able to provide what they need to come back from the BDSM headspace that they may go into. This means that you should be prepared to see to their emotional and mental needs, along with physical that falls within the range of your relationship with them (Stein, 2005)
- Take care of and respect yourself - take care of your own physical, mental, and emotional health before engaging in play. Be at a place of stability. You deserve that for yourself and your partner deserves to play with someone who will be present in the session.
What are Red Flags?
Red flags are warning signs that a potential partner may not be a safe person for you to play with.
What is a red flag for one person, may not be a red flag for someone else; to a certain degree what constitutes a red flag can be somewhat personal (Shadowborne, 1999). Most of the list assembled here is concerned with identifying abusive tendencies in a partner.
Does your partner :
www.keepingitkinky.net/basics/red_flags.php
What is a red flag for one person, may not be a red flag for someone else; to a certain degree what constitutes a red flag can be somewhat personal (Shadowborne, 1999). Most of the list assembled here is concerned with identifying abusive tendencies in a partner.
Does your partner :
- Try to separate you from your friends, family or BDSM community.
- Avoid talking about personal details and/or get mad when you ask or quickly end the conversation or answering questions with questions.
- Have no BDSM references or friends you can talk to.
- Get angry when you ask for references or ask around about them.
- Tell you inconsistent details about themselves.
- Avoid giving you their home and work phone number at the appropriate time.
- Only communicate with you at strange hours and get mad if you try to contact them at other times.
- Criticize the BDSM community and refuse to participate, especially if they never were part of it.
- Consistently break promises.
- Always find excuses for not meeting real time.
- Always put blame on others for things going wrong.
- Does not take personal responsibility.
- Have bad relationships with most or all of their family members.
- Pressure you into doing things you do not want to do.
- Does not respect your limits, negotiations or contracts.
- Push you into a D/s relationship too fast.
- Swear undying love before even meeting you.
- Hide behind their D/s authority and says that their authority should not be questioned.
- Try to make you feel guilty for not being good enough; tells that you are not a “True” sub.
- Lose control of their emotions in arguments and regress to yelling, name-calling and blame.
- Put you down in front of other people.
- Turn instantly on their friends, going from best friend to arch enemy at the drop of a hat.
- Treat you lovingly and respectfully one day and then harshly and accusingly the next.
- Never say “thank you”, “excuse me” or “I am sorry” to anyone.
- Lie or withhold information; cheat on you or is overly jealous.
- Will not discuss what your possible future relationship could be like.
- Try to keep you in the dark about what might happen next in the relationship.
- Does not respect your feelings, rights, or opinions.
- Belittles your ideas.
- Blame you for your hurt feelings.
- Abuse alcohol or other drugs.
- Constantly ask for large amounts of money from you or others.
- Threaten suicide or other forms of self-harm.
- Deliberately say or do things that result in getting themselves seriously hurt.
- Want control of your money or finances and you are not living together.
- ONLY interact with you in a kinky or sexual manner as if role- playing.
- Will not have normal everyday vanilla conversations.
- Never show you their human side, is emotionless, hides their vulnerability behind their D/s role.
- Have multiple online identities for interacting within the same communities.
- Disappear from communication for days or weeks at a time without explanation.
- Try to intimidate you, are you afraid of your partner in a real sense outside of a play scenario
- Threaten to leave or abandon you if you do not submit
- Routinely threaten violence for submission outside of your comfort zone
- Give you expensive gifts to gain compliance on something you do not wish to do
- Make you feel unwanted or ugly
- Ever forced intimacy on you against your wishes
- Ignore your needs, including medical treatment, clothing or food
- Question your loyalty
- Ignore or refuse the use of safe words
- Expect complete submission from a stranger
- Have nothing nice to say about previous partners
- Say they will do anything you want without even a first face-to-face meeting
- Get upset with you about wanting to make a safe call on a first meeting
- Insist on a scene on your first meeting
www.keepingitkinky.net/basics/red_flags.php
My fantasies scare me. What if I get too into SM?
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Isn't the bottom always in control?
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What is body piercing? What is "C&B" play, or "genitorture"?
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I want to throw a play BDSM party; how can I go about it?
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CBT
The one thing I cannot stress enough is safety. Your man and you should first discuss a safe word and if that word is uttered in any form – immediately stop the play and remove any restraints. This is very important and establishes the trust between you two.
Now one of the things I want to tell you ladies out there is that the cock and balls themselves can take a lot of punishment – don’t hold back just remember that you two have established your safe word and he will tell you when you are pushing too far. The main thing here is for both of you to have a little fun here and your man will get excited as well – it seems a bit of a oxymoron but it is true. You see men secretly desire many of the things women do, but are too afraid of judgment at times to try new games or experiment. But will, if properly motivated and made to feel comfortable about his limits and choices. As with anyone I find. And to prove this I will probably get him off at the end.
You don’t have to restrain your man – but this is something I have a preference in doing – gives me complete control if you know what I mean.
Now that we have him in place – we let the fun begin. And yes you both are going to have fun at this – you have to remember that this is a bit of a mind fuck here…..
“C&B play” stands for cock & ball play. “Genitorture” stands for “genital torture”. This is a subject that makes some men clutch their nuts and run in fear, and makes other men instantly erect and greedy for more. The male genitals are at once the most vulnerable and most sensitive part of the male body, so of course many tops enjoy playing with them.
Cock rings are rings that go around your cock, typically around the base of it, behind the balls. The penis becomes erect when the blood vessels at its base constrict (because of arousal), trapping blood in the cock and causing it to swell. Cock rings have a similar effect, prolonging erection in most men that use them. (They also constrict the urethra, which will make any orgasm more painful, or even cause ejaculate to back up into the bladder. This is not dangerous unless done repeatedly. Experiment to find out how much tightness is too much.)
Most are made of leather, with adjustable snaps, so you can tighten or loosen them to fit (as well as remove them easily). Some are made of rubber. Some are even made of metal, but metal ones can be hazardous; if you put a too-small one on your non-erect cock, your cock may become so erect that you can no longer remove it–and if it is too tight, it will prevent your cock from softening. This may involve a trip to the emergency room and the use of bolt cutters. No joke.
Some cock rings have multiple rings, for behind the balls, around the balls themselves, and around the base of the shaft. Some people like using _lots_ of cock rings, to stretch the balls out away from the body.
Safety tips: The broadest guideline is to go slowly until you know how much you can take. If the pain from a particular activity starts to spread into other areas of the body, or if the pain lasts for a long time after the stimulation ends, you have probably gone beyond your limits. You won’t reach this point generally if you take your time. As with any SM practice, if you find yourself in pain later, or if you notice any abnormalities in your cock or balls when flaccid or erect, see a doctor. Of course, avoid any practice that seriously wrenches or twists the genitals; there are many ligaments and blood vessels in there, damage to which may make it hard for you to get hard. But the cock and balls can handle light whipping or slapping, provided it is done with care.
Of course, cock and ball bondage can be done with leather strips, ribbons, velvet cords, etc. Be as ornamental as you please; tying up an erect cock can create a luscious work of art, and teasing it can be even more artistic. Don’t expect C&B bondage to keep a cock hard indefinitely; cocks will usually get soft if not stimulated, and bondage which _will_ keep it hard may be dangerously tight. In any event, be sure you can remove your bondage quickly, as always.
educationalsexseries.oursecretkitchen.com/new/?page_id=144
Now one of the things I want to tell you ladies out there is that the cock and balls themselves can take a lot of punishment – don’t hold back just remember that you two have established your safe word and he will tell you when you are pushing too far. The main thing here is for both of you to have a little fun here and your man will get excited as well – it seems a bit of a oxymoron but it is true. You see men secretly desire many of the things women do, but are too afraid of judgment at times to try new games or experiment. But will, if properly motivated and made to feel comfortable about his limits and choices. As with anyone I find. And to prove this I will probably get him off at the end.
You don’t have to restrain your man – but this is something I have a preference in doing – gives me complete control if you know what I mean.
Now that we have him in place – we let the fun begin. And yes you both are going to have fun at this – you have to remember that this is a bit of a mind fuck here…..
“C&B play” stands for cock & ball play. “Genitorture” stands for “genital torture”. This is a subject that makes some men clutch their nuts and run in fear, and makes other men instantly erect and greedy for more. The male genitals are at once the most vulnerable and most sensitive part of the male body, so of course many tops enjoy playing with them.
Cock rings are rings that go around your cock, typically around the base of it, behind the balls. The penis becomes erect when the blood vessels at its base constrict (because of arousal), trapping blood in the cock and causing it to swell. Cock rings have a similar effect, prolonging erection in most men that use them. (They also constrict the urethra, which will make any orgasm more painful, or even cause ejaculate to back up into the bladder. This is not dangerous unless done repeatedly. Experiment to find out how much tightness is too much.)
Most are made of leather, with adjustable snaps, so you can tighten or loosen them to fit (as well as remove them easily). Some are made of rubber. Some are even made of metal, but metal ones can be hazardous; if you put a too-small one on your non-erect cock, your cock may become so erect that you can no longer remove it–and if it is too tight, it will prevent your cock from softening. This may involve a trip to the emergency room and the use of bolt cutters. No joke.
Some cock rings have multiple rings, for behind the balls, around the balls themselves, and around the base of the shaft. Some people like using _lots_ of cock rings, to stretch the balls out away from the body.
Safety tips: The broadest guideline is to go slowly until you know how much you can take. If the pain from a particular activity starts to spread into other areas of the body, or if the pain lasts for a long time after the stimulation ends, you have probably gone beyond your limits. You won’t reach this point generally if you take your time. As with any SM practice, if you find yourself in pain later, or if you notice any abnormalities in your cock or balls when flaccid or erect, see a doctor. Of course, avoid any practice that seriously wrenches or twists the genitals; there are many ligaments and blood vessels in there, damage to which may make it hard for you to get hard. But the cock and balls can handle light whipping or slapping, provided it is done with care.
Of course, cock and ball bondage can be done with leather strips, ribbons, velvet cords, etc. Be as ornamental as you please; tying up an erect cock can create a luscious work of art, and teasing it can be even more artistic. Don’t expect C&B bondage to keep a cock hard indefinitely; cocks will usually get soft if not stimulated, and bondage which _will_ keep it hard may be dangerously tight. In any event, be sure you can remove your bondage quickly, as always.
educationalsexseries.oursecretkitchen.com/new/?page_id=144
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