Handkerchief code

The handkerchief code (also known as the hanky code, the bandana code, and flagging, is a color-coded system, employed usually among the gay male casual-sex seekers or BDSM practitioners in the leather subculture in the United States, Canada, and Europe, to indicate preferred sexual fetishes, what kind of sex they are seeking, and whether they are a top/dominant or bottom/submissive.
The hanky code was widely used in the 1970s by gay and bisexual men, and grew from there to include all genders and orientations. Today, wearing color-coded handkerchiefs (bandanas), usually in the back pocket or around the belt loop, is the manner in which communication of desires and fetishes is achieved.

Wearing a handkerchief on the left side of the body typically indicates one is a “top” (one considered active in the practice of the fetish indicated by the color of the handkerchief), while wearing it on the right side of the body would indicate one is a “bottom” (one considered passive in the practice of the fetish indicated by the color of the handkerchief).

This left-right reality is taken from the earlier practice of tops wearing their keys on the left belt loop and bottoms on the right to indicate being a member of the leather subculture. In the past bandanas might be worn tied around the neck (with the knot positioned on either the left or right side); around the ankle (when wearing boots or when undressed); or on other parts of the body.

There is no universally understood color code, and regional codes vary widely. There is general agreement upon the colors for more common practices, particularly those with an intuitive relation between the color and the practice, such as yellow for urolagnia; brown for coprophilia; and black for SM, but no absolute consensus for less common practices.  Origin  Hanky code

The wearing of various colored bandanas around the neck was common in the mid- and late-nineteenth century among cowboys, steam railroad engineers, and miners in the Western United States.

It is thought that the wearing of bandanas by gay men originated in San Francisco after the Gold Rush, when, because of a shortage of women, men dancing with each other in square dances developed a code wherein the man wearing the blue bandana took the male part in the square dance, and the man wearing the red bandana took the female part (these bandanas were usually worn around the arm or hanging from the belt or in the back pocket of one’s jeans).

It is thought that the modern hanky code started in New York City in late 1970 or early 1971 when a journalist for the Village Voice joked that instead of simply wearing keys to indicate whether someone was a “top” or a “bottom”, it would be more efficient to subtly announce their particular sexual focus by wearing different colored hankies.

While the hanky code was widely used in the 70’s and early 80’s, it then went into decline for many reasons (the increased visibility of gays making it obsolete, the decline of cruising in the face of the AIDS crisis, etc.). In order to indicate that you were “flagging,” it then became popular to “double-flag,” wearing two bandanas to indicate a special preference (Egyptian style, for instance, would be signaled by black and light blue.) and to indicate that this was an actual flag and not just a prosaic bandana. By the 1990s flagging only remained popular in the Leather Community.

Example

This table is drawn from Larry Townsend’s The Leatherman’s Handbook II (i.e., the second edition of the book in 1983, the first edition of which came out in 1972 and did not include this list), and is generally considered authoritative. Implicit in this list of hanky color codes is the concept of right/left polarity, left as usual indicating the top, dominant, or active partner, right the bottom, submissive, or passive partner—this can, however, be ambiguous for some acts. Purple, the code for piercing, merely indicates an interest in piercing (usually that the wearer has body piercings), not necessarily that they wish to incorporate piercing into sexual play.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanky_code

Colour and place (and Hanky codes)

Men often mention the colours in internet profiles and personal ads, and they’re used in the names of specialist venues and events (especially red for fisting and yellow for watersports).

Colour and place

Where the handkerchief is worn and its colour both signal what a man’s into:

• On the left means active, Top or Dom.
• On the right mean passive, bottom or sub.
• In the middle or around neck means versatile, ‘I do it both ways’. The side the knot is tied sometimes to show a preference for active or passive.

The hanky (sometimes more than one) is usually worn in a back pocket of leather or denim jeans, but can be worn tied around the upper arm or neck.
Men into rubber sometimes use hankies made of coloured rubber. Cloth bandanas often come with fancy patterns (for example Paisley) but this doesn’t alter their basic meaning, so a red bandana with a white pattern still means fisting. Dots do mean things (check out the full hanky code links below).
Wearing a hanky is called 'flagging’ and the colours used most often are:

• red for fisting
• yellow for watersports
• black for heavy S&M, for example whipping
• grey for bondage
• dark blue for fucking
• light blue for sucking (on the left means suck me off; on the right means I suck)
• orange means into everything

These two website have full hanky codes with examples of colours (although most of these are never actually seen):

• www.gaycityusa.com/hankycodes.htm

Alternatives

Alternatives to hankies are:

• leather wrist or bicep bands (often colour coded)
• key chains
• rope and handcuffs (means into bondage)
• whips and paddles (means into hitting)
• latex or rubber glove (means into fisting)
• dirty jockstrap (means into wearing/sucking clean jocks)
• chains or metal cockring worn through shoulder straps of leather jackets
• coloured stripes down the side of leather or rubber jeans.

Some gay skinheads use the colours in boot laces, especially red and yellow. But it can’t automatically be assumed a skin’s laces signal sexual tastes. Among skins and rubber fans the colour of braces (called suspenders in the US), especially if red, is also often part of the code.
Wearing some items strongly signifies certain roles: for example, a leather Muir cap usually means the wearer’s a top; chaps with a bare arse means that the wearer wants to bottom; cigar smoking often signals top; and a dog collar or chain with padlock around the neck means bottom.

Flags

The internationally used flag of the gay and bisexual SM, leather and fetish scene looks like this:

www.hardcell.org.uk/en/bunker/colours-and-kink/

Glossary of Terms about Balls Stretching

• Anal Web: The skin webbing on the back side of the scrotum, best visible with a fully relaxed and free hanging scrotal sack. This is the corresponding skin web to the penoscrotal skin web on the front of the scrotal sack which extends from the base of the penis to the front of the scrotum.
• Ball Boat ©: A watertight plastic cup or glass that was selected on the basis of comfort. The cup or glass is attached to the scrotal sack. The purpose is so that the scrotal sack does not come in contact with toilet walls or toilet water.
• Ball-Forcer ©: Secretleather’s unique stretching system utilizing steel rods which hold two WMC weights at pre-cut lengths apart. This stretching system uses both the gravity of the WMC weights as well as the length stretching provided by the steel rods. Read more about the system in the “Product Review” section of this web guide.
• Ball Glove ©: A moisture barrier which seals the length of the scrotal hang inside a moisture barrier. This bathes the scrotal sack in shea lotion/butter the entire day. The barrier provides two benefits: 1. Maximal exposure to the benefical effects of the shea moisturizer resulting in increased skin elasticity which directly benefits progress and ultimately the user’s end goal. 2. Provides a low relaxed scrotal hang. Scrotal bathing uses this moisture barrier to maintain constant beneficial effects of shea lotion and is used to help keep tight scrotal hangs forced in the relaxed and lowest hanging phase of scrotal hang. Men who have difficulty with tight scrotal tensions should investigate the use of this method. Use this method every 2 or 3 days, increasing until a loose scrotal hang is achieved..
• Ball Sack: This is a short hand term for Scrotal Sack. Note the spelling is “Sack” and not “Sac”. The author uses this term because it is easier to type, is visually stimulating, and the author believes the scrotal skin does not deserve to be called a “Sac”, because spiders and other bugs have sacs for breathing, so certainly a human scrotal skin should be used at the higher level and spelled according to its function. The spelling used in this article and all conversation is “Sack”.
• Ball Stretcher/ing: 1; (noun) this is a person who is ball-stretching. 2. (Verb) this is also the act of using any of the four defined stretching methods as described in the “Four Methods of Ball-Stretching” chapter. This includes manual stretching, stretching using items such as ponytailers, stretching with leather stretchers, and stretching with metal weights. These methods can be combined in any way together to tailor the stretching feeling for each individual.
• Barrier Bag ©: A moisture barrier providing the same benefits as a Ball Glove (listed above). The difference is that the Barrier Bag is made from a plastic sandwich bag and is very cost effective. See Ball Glove above for benefits. .
• Bulge: This is the apparent pushing of the genital package which is transferred to pushing out the pant or shorts material. This is obvious in regular fitting dress/casual pants or shorts. This is the “distortion” of a larger than normal genital package as viewed from the front while wearing clothing. See the discussion above under the “Clothing” chapter….tips to make the apparent bulge as small as possible while wearing a set of weights or series of small leather stretchers put together.
• Central Line: This is the place where the two halves of the body (including the scrotum) have joined together while being formed within the womb. This is often a very sensitive and highly stimulating place on the scrotal sack. The act of ball stretching stretches this central line (highly stimulating) across a larger area, making the scrotal sack very sensitive.
• Cocoa Butter/Lotion: A lotion or butter that helps to prevent stretch marks in the pregnant women’s market. It is also useful in ball stretching as a lubricant under the ball weights. The author now suggests the use of Shea butter lotion/butter for lubrication as well as additional stretching and relaxation of the scrotal sack. Cocoa butter helps the skin to stretch, but Shea butter is preferred. Cocoa butter is available in liquid or solid form. The solid butter melts on contact with with warm scrotal skin and is absorbed throughout the day.
• Collar: See “Metal Stretcher”.
• Compressed Testicle: This condition is both acute or chronic. The acute situation appears when the secondary testicle is squeezed so tightly (mostly from wearing too much weight). The warning sign is dull ache from the compressed secondary testicle. Upon examination of the scrotal hang, the lowest weight will appear to sit almost half way down on the secondary testicle while remaining on top of the primary testicle. This means the testicle is slowly squeezed by weight pressure until it pops through the center column of the weights as an escaped testicle. The chronic situation appears when there has been an increasing number of secondary testicle escapes. This is because the testicle has been squeezed so long that it is actually a smaller physical size while under weight stress. The resolution of this condition is abstaining from weights for 15-30 days. This will allow the testicle to regain hydration and repair damages. As the testicle was squeezed, lymph fluid and other body fluids have been completely squeezed out of the testicle which leaves a solid mass of tissue without hydration. Chronic wear of ball weights arranged in the “Funnel Effect” leads to a chronic compressed testicle situation. The author recommends alternating between smaller and larger weight for use in the bottom position of the weights.
• Dartos Muscle: The term used to identify the smooth muscle layer within the lining of the scrotal sack. This involuntary muscle contracts and relaxes the scrotal skin. It reacts to stress, emotional distress and temperature. Ideally, the best scrotal sack stretching is done with a fully relaxed scrotal sack (dartos muscle). Since this is an involuntary muscle, we must take steps to pre-empt the contraction of this muscle for the best stretching results. Read more in the “My Testicles Slip Out” chapter, starting in the 5th paragraph.
• Dominant Testicle or Primary Testicle: The lowest hanging and largest testicle. 80% of men have a larger and lower hanging left testicle. 20 % of men have a lower and larger hanging right testicle. The higher hanging smaller testicle is the Secondary Testicle. .
• Gear: This is a slang term for stretching equipment such as leather stretchers or metal weights.
• Half Flush: A method used by those with low hanging testicles so that when they sit on the toilet the testicles do not hang into the water. This process of the half-flush lowers the water level in the bowl to the top of the escape hole. The process is simple; just push the flush lever down slowly until you hear the water start to trickle into the toilet bowl. Stop immediately. Hold still or lift ever so slightly higher. Water will fill the bowl and then flush. When the bowl flushes, immediately let go of the flush handle. Now, the water level has stabilized at the bottom of bowl.
• Hair Trail: The slight trail that a hair follicle leaves in the scrotal skin as the skin is stretched and expanded. The trails are invisible in relaxed phase of scrotal tension, and are only visible in half-tight or tight scrotal tensions.
• Hang: This refers to the length of scrotal skin between the groin (measured at the intersection of the inner thigh with the top of the ball sack) and the top of the testicles. The intersection of the thigh is also the “bottom” of the body so this placement of measurement is a good one.
• Hernia: This is the condition when the abdominal contents have been pushed through a tear in the abdominal wall. The result is a weakened abdominal wall and higher risk for it tearing again. A hernia pinches the intestinal tract and does not allow internal contents to continue to move through the tract in the action of parastolsis.. This is the squeezing and relaxing of individual muscle bundle (sphincters) wrapped around the entire digestional tract. This orchestrated contraction/relaxation of muscle sphincters pump the abdominal contents in one direction for absorption of nutrients in the intestines.
• Leather Stretcher: This is a stretching gear that holds a stretch at the same length as the stretcher. It is made of leather and is usually 1", 1.5", 2" 3" 4" 5" but they can also be found in any size length. If the desired length cannot be found, a leather stretcher dealer can be located online (keyword- leather stretcher) or two highly recommended dealers at secretleather.com or 665leather.com. These leather dealers will be able to make a custom size for a very reasonable price. 665Leather is in California and Secretleather is in London.
• Leisure Time Weights: These are the weights temporarily added to the hang in addition to the permanent weights. Leisure time weights are usually added while in the comfort of the home and are removed before the next work period to minimize the crotch bulge of the added leisure time weight.
• Low Hanging: Any pair of loose hanging testicles that extend past the tip of the flaccid penis. This is also the definition of “rantallion”.
• Metal Stretcher: Also known as a Collar, Metal Collar, Steel Collar, Split Collar, Weight, or Metal Weight. This is in loosest terms a ball-stretching weight that is placed around the top of the testicles and worn there with the purpose of lengthening the scrotal hang or for the pleasures of having something making the testicles hang. They are made by slicing a stainless steel shaft into smaller lengths as desired (such as ½ “ 1”, 1 ½ “ or 2” etc…) and then polished. The edges are rounded to prevent them from cutting the skin. There are two different kinds of metal stretchers. They are the older traditional style (standard weight) and the WMC™ style. The older traditional ball weights have rounded edges; however, these rounded edges are still sharp enough to cause pressure point pain after longer periods of exposure to the metal stretcher. The WMC™ style uses a circular surgical high grade steel rod that is shaped in the form of a circle. It is then highly polished and seamless. This weight is technologically advanced in its design and firmly hugs the contour of the scrotal sack and distributes any weight along all surfaces of the weight. This makes the weight load tolerable 24/7 for many days or even an indefinite time. This weight is essential for those who use a permanent set of metal weights.
• Neoprene: A toxic rubbery material out of which many ball stretchers are made. They are good for short term sexual excitement but should not be used as a 24/7 or longer term stretching device. In this case, a leather stretcher is preferred.
• New Ringmaster™: A patented weight that is extremely comfortable and works great as a spacer weight between two WMC™ weights. The corners are completely round and makes this weight very comfortable compared to the standard older style ball weights.
• Package: A term used to describe the whole genital makeup of testicles and penis put together.
• Parachute Stretcher: This looks like a lampshade, with the upper ring held around the top of the balls and three weight chains in three different even places on the lower circle. Weights can be attached to the three weight chains. Many heavy lifting men (5 or more pounds) use this method. This stretcher is typically made out of leather.
• Penoscrotal Web: The connective skin web that extends from the base of the penis to the front of the scrotal hang. For most guys, this skin web needs some extra stretching since the scrotal sack will often pull up as the penis is in an erect upwards position. Stretching exercise No. 6 was designed to stretch this skin web.
• Permanent Weights: Metal weights that are constantly attached to the scrotal hang over weeks and months. Typically the length of permanent hangs can’t exceed 3 inches without displaying a bulge. 2 ½ inches is optimal.
• Pressure Circle/Ring/Point: This is the irritated skin that is compressed when a leather stretcher is wrapped around the scrotal hang and applies pressure to the groin area. This pressure circle is where blood circulation was stopped. A pressure circle also occurs when traditional style metal weights are worn. The inside corners of the weight restrict blood and nerve flow. The use of WMC weights in either the bottom lowest position of the weight placement, or the highest place on the scrotal hang. In either position, the pressure circle will no longer occur.
• Primary Testicle: The lowest hanging and largest testicle on a man. 80% of the male population have a primary left testicle and a secondary right testicle—meaning a lower and larger left testicle, a higher and smaller right testicle. 20% of men have a lower hanging and larger right testicle.
• Pumping: The act of placing the genitals (penis only, scrotal sack only, or both) into a vacuum tube and pumping the air out of the tube which forces a swelling and expands the size of the genitals temporarily. It may have beneficial stretching potential. The author has no experience with this activity.
• Rantallion: Any man with a pair of loose hanging testicles that hang lower than the tip of his flaccid penis. This is also the definition of “Low Hanging”.
• Saline Injection: The injection of saline into the scrotal sack to make it appear larger. This lasts only temporarily, but may have some stretching benefit. The author has no experience with this activity.
• Sack: See “Ball Sack”.
• Scrotal Bathing: A technique used to help promote the lowest hanging completely relaxed phase of scrotal tension, the most comfortable phase of scrotal tension. This technique uses the Ball Barrier or Ball Glove methods. See Ball Barrier or Ball Glove.
• Scrotal Hang: 1. The distance from the intersection of the inner thigh and the top of the scrotal sack to the bottom portion of the loose hanging testicles. 2. This may also describe the scrotum and internal structures as whole complete unit.
• Scrotal Length: This refers to the length of the scrotal hang from the intersection of the inner thigh and the top of the ball sack downward to the bottom of the testicles. Notice that “Length” refers to measurement including the balls and “Hang” refers to measurement to the top of the balls only. See also “Hang Length” or “Sack Length”.
• Scrotal Sack: A more precise term than “Scrotal Hang”, but it describes the same thing. This refers to the scrotum and internal structures as a whole.
• Secondary Testicle: The higher hanging and smaller testicle in the scrotal sack. 80% of men have a higher and smaller right testicle, and 20% of men have a higher and smaller left testicle.
• Shea Butter/Lotion: The best butter/lotion for use on the scrotal sack. This ointment relaxes the muscles within the lining of the scrotal sack as well as providing lubrication between the scrotal surface and the surface of the leather stretcher or metal weight. The lotion is available from manufacturers such as Palmers™ or Jergens™. Secretleather.com makes a triple combination of shea butter, shea oil and cocoa butter in a secret but effective concentration of each ingredient. This butter melts on the surface of the scrotal sack immediately, and is absorbed into the skin. The cocoa butter ingredient assures maximum lubrication for comfortable wear through the entire day.
• Skin Web: Any portion of skin that forms a web like appearance when the scrotal sack is hanging loose and low and it’s attachment to the groin forms a web. Specifically, it addresses the skin web that is formed between the upper formation of the ball sack and the base of the penis. This web is stretched in the author’s skin stretching exercise No. 6. The penoscrotal skin web extends from the base of the penis to the front of the scrotal hang. The anal web is the smaller skin web on the back side of the scrotal hang.
• Shaft Collar: This is a split collar that is meant to hold an industrial steel shaft in place. This collar is meant for an industrial application but many users have used this as a metal stretcher. The corners are sharp and can cause pain quickly unless they are filed down to a rounded shape. These collars are considerably less expensive than dedicated steel weights. However the user will have to hone the corners down him-self in order to make the weight useful on the scrotal hang.
• Shea: This is a lotion or butter form of the oil from the shea nut. It relaxes the scrotal skin as it is absorbed into the skin. This oil also makes the skin more elastic and more available to the stretching stimulus. Secretleather sells a triple combination of ingredients in a home made recipe that gives excellent results and pure ingredients. Shea lotions are less pure, but they still relax the scrotal sack and make it more available to the stretching stimulus.
• Split Collar, Steel Collar, Steel Weight: See “Metal Stretcher”.
• Standard Weight: A ball weight with the standard specifications. This weight is made by cutting a metallic shaft into pieces into standard lengths such as ½ inch, 1 inch, 1 ½ inch, or 2 inches. The sharp corners are then rounded off so they are not sharp. Although the corners are rounded, they can still cause pressure points after prolonged wear. The interior of the weight (composition of the original metallic shaft) can be solid brass, stainless steel, or surgical steel. Brass weights are plated with chrome to avoid direct contact with the brass. When the chrome wears away, brass is exposed and the weight should not be used.
• Stretch: 1. (noun) see “Scrotal Hang”. 2. (Verb) this is the intentional pulling of the scrotal hang in opposite directions.
• Tightness Multiplier: A decimal point number that is used to determine how tight the WMC or other metal ball weights should be. The reason for a tightness multiplier is that the ball sack measurement is the actual measure of the central diameter inside the metal ball weight. An additional thickness, measured from the center of the ball weight to the edge of the metal weight must be accounted for. This tightness multiplier will determine the actual diameter that the scrotal hang comes into contact with…not the center of the metal weight but rather the edge of the inside weight. Please see the chapter regarding “Measuring for a Steel Weight”.
• Upper (or top) formation of the ball sack: This is the position that the sack and the groin join together as seen completely around the top of the ball sack. This is the most common point for pressure points to occur with tight leather stretchers.
• Weighted Stretcher: Typically a leather stretcher available in various lengths that have lead pellet pouches around the outside of the stretcher. This acts as a weight as well as a stretching mechanism.
• WMC™: Secretleather’s patented most comfortable, most technologically advanced high precision weight. It hugs the contours of the scrotal sack in perfect comfort. Use this weight for the best and fastest results. It should be a requirement for every ball stretcher’s wardrobe. They are only available from secretleather.com. WMC™= “World’s Most Comfortable"©.

www.secretleather.com/jarod.johansen/

BDSM Terms

Some Words of Warning About BDSM Jargon:

1. Jargon is a double edged sword. Terms best serve us as tools to identify complicated ideas and concepts for our convenience.  But once we begin to conform our behavior to the terms – rather than use the terms to explain or describe – they become problematic. We should look at people as individuals instead of types. We need to decide who we are and what we want as individuals before we try to slip into categories. In other words, if there’s no one special person to whom you seek to please, don’t aspire to conform to someone else’s concept of who you are but instead try to live your own ideal.
2. The BDSM community is diverse. There is no universally recognized authority on BDSM and we have no equivalent of the French Academy for deciding what words are acceptable and which of their many definitions are correct. Most terms are loosely defined with a wide degree of interpretation as to their meaning. As Larry Towsend writes in the Silver Jubilee edition of The Leatherman’s Handbook, “language is not hard and fast enough to provide a single defintion for every term. There is no magic formula to make each word register identical images in the mind of each person who hears it.” (p.237)   Moreover, some terms such as “sensual sadist,” and “competitive exhibitionism” are personal and carry unique meaning to the person who coined them. In other words, many terms have many meanings depending on who uses them and their mood at the time.
3. Many of the terms we use – such as “dom” – are recently coined on the Internet so they don’t have a long historical foundation.
4. Sometimes people use definitions and qualifiers as a means to assert themselves over others: “I’m a true Old Guard Master. He’s not a slave, he’s just a sub. He’s not a Dom, he’s just a top.” That kind of dominance is small.
5. It’s good to remember that for some perverse reason we in the scene enjoy embracing many terms – such as slave, boy, rape, torture, and fetish – which have very negative connotation outside the community – for understandable reasons.  To avoid misunderstandings, you need to be aware of what you are saying as well as what you mean to say.

Terms For What It Is That We Do:

BDSM

1. “Ritualized sexual aggression and submission.” - Jay Wiseman
2. “The exploration, between consenting partners, of alternative or nontraditional forms of eroticism.” - Slakker
3. A four letter contraction of three abbreviations for three phrases – BD, D/s, and S&M. It is an umbrella term encompassing Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & submission, and Sadism & Masochism (or Sex Magick or Master/slave) – and, to a lesser degree, other concepts such as Fetishism, Exhibitionism, Voyeurism, and occasionally Crossdressing. The first three items are distinct but related concepts. These three separate elements are neither mutually exclusive nor synonymous: Participants in the BDSM community might practice only one of these concepts or all of them. For example, someone might like playing the sexual aggressive role and tying up his lover (while dressed in a Catholic nun’s habit) but he doesn’t want to cause her pain.

Bondage

The application of ropes, chains, or other restraints placed over one’s body – or parts of one’s body such as hands and arms – to restrict one’s physical movements.Discipline

1. A combination of correction and punishment administered by the dominant to the submissive for educational purposes and to enforce rules and proper behavior.
2. “Discipline is something that comes from within a person; a will and ability to meet expectations. It can be taught, but it cannot be forced without a substantial loss of quality.” Furthermore “discipline as a skill that is prevalent within the context of all relationships and roles in life … I see correction as just that: there has been an error, fault or problem identified which requires change. I agree that if the act was performed with malice or intent to harm or destruct it may require punishment. However, depending on the error, it may simply require review, correction, adjustment, improvement or restitution. While I am of the opinion that correction in some way, shape or form is necessary in order to learn from one’s mistakes and avoid repeating them in the future; I feel punishment is above and beyond correction of an action and more appropriately addresses unsuitable intent or attitude.” - Austin Bunny

Dominance

governing or exercising one’s will, influence, or control over another in a consensual – and ideally mutually pleasurable – exchange of power (Sometimes it is combined with elements of sadism.)

Submission

(often written in lower case) yielding or surrendering one’s control to the will or authority of another in a consensual – and ideally mutually pleasurable – exchange of power. (Sometimes it is combined with elements of masochism.)

Sadism

The condition in which (sexual) gratification is gained through causing pain or degradation to others. (Sometimes it is combined with elements of domination.)

Masochism

1. The condition in which (sexual) gratification depends on physical pain and/or humiliation. (Sometimes it is combined with elements of submission.)
2. In the scene, “enjoying sensations and feelings caused by things usually thought of as physically or emotionally painful or disquieting.” (Cyne Enright)

Sex Magick

“Any sexual act done as part of a ritual with a non-sexual purpose… a sexual act which has a deliberate transformative effect on any parties involved.” (Cyne Enright)Master/slaveRelationships where partners play the roles of mastersand slaves.

Fetish and Fetishism

1. In Anthropology, a fetish is an object attributed with magical power in pre-literate cultures.
2. In Psychology, fetishism is a fixation – or recurrent, intense, sexual obsession with – an inanimate object (such as shoes or mud) or body part that is not intrinsically sexual in nature (such as armpits or nostrils) and which is absolutely essential for the Fetishist’s sexual arousal and sexual gratification. Fetishism falls under the general category of paraphilias: “abnormal or unnatural attraction.”
3. In colloqual speech, a Fetish is “something one likes” In this sense it is not “absolutely essential for … sexual arousal and sexual gratification.”

(the BDSM contraction doesn’t include an “F” for Fetishism but perhaps it should.)

Vanilla

In the scene, vanilla is a term to designate “not BDSM” – people and practices outside the scene. As the term implies, it’s “plain, ordinary, normal.” (The author believes that there is nothing inheritantly wrong in being “vanilla”. He has many friends and family members who are vanilla and who are good, decent, law abiding citizens. The author believes we should show them the same degree of respect and toleration we ask for ourselves.)
Note: While all these concepts – even vanilla – are practiced within and encompassed by the BDSM community as a whole, they are separate concepts – none of which are completely representative of the entire community. It’s possible to be a sadists without being a dominant or be a masochist without being submissive. (It’s also possible to be a “sadistic submissive” or a “masochistic dominant.”)

Qualitative BDSM Terms

Abuse

1. “physical maltreatment” and “improper or excessive use or treatment” (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)
2. “An abusive relationship is one in which substantial physical, mental, or emotional harm is inflicted, that is not temporary in nature, and is not clearly compensated for by positive and loving experiences over a long period of time.” – by louise, 1997
3. “Acts inflicted on a person without their freely given consent.” – Leather Leadership Conference III, Statement on Abuse, San Francisco, April 16-18,1999)
4. “In any relationship these things can happen: Sexual, Physical, Emotional, Financial, Verbal and Mental ABUSE. Inside the home when someone tries to control you by bullying, bashing, threatening, name calling, harassing, frightening and isolating you, it is called DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.”

Harm

“Negatively influencing others for a perceived gain, either for yourself or someone else.” (anon)

Old Guard

(See the definitions of “Old Guard” in “Marginalia on the Old Guard, Leather Traditions, and BDSM History”)

Safe, Sane, and Consensual:

(Leather Leadership Conference definitions)
Safe
Being knowledgeable about the techniques and safety concerns involved in what you are doing.
Sane
Knowing the difference between fantasy and reality.
Consensual
Respecting the limits imposed by each participant.

Safe, Sane, and Consensual (The Eulenspiegel Society definitions)

Safe
All parties have taken the necessary precautions to prevent psychological and physical damage to themselves, including the transmission of any disease.
Sane
All parties are in possession of their mental faculties and are aware of the risks involved in the intended play.
Consensual
All parties understand the potential risk involved and have consented to these activities. This consent can be withdrawn or modified at any time.

Consent in S/M

“An active collaboration for the benefit, well-being and pleasure of all persons concerned.” - Dossie EastonInsane (as a legal definition)The state of being unable to appreciate the nature and quality or the wrongfulness of one’s acts – in other words, not knowing right from wrong – as a result of a severe mental disease or defect. If a criminal takes careful measures to cover his tracks, that is usually evidence that he knows what he is doing is wrong and therefore he is sane. Even a paranoid schizophrenic who kills his neighbor because he believes God told him to do so would be considered sane if he makes an effort to avoid detection and capture.

RACKRisk-Aware, Consensual Kink

Term coined by Gary Switch as an alternative to Safe, Sane, and Consensual.  Mr. Switch argues that
1) Nothing’s perfectly safe,
2) Negotiation cannot be valid without fore knowledge of the possible risks involved in the activity being negotiated, and
3) The “sane” part of SSC is very subjective. (See also Origin of RACK / RACK vs. SSC)

Rape

1. Sexual intercourse without the consent of all participants and chiefly by force or deception. Usually it means a man forcing himself on a woman. The exact legal defintion varies by location. On January 6, 2003, in the People v. John Z., S103427, the California Supreme Court defined an act of rape as continued penetration by a man after a consenting woman demands that the intercourse stop. Justice Ming Chin wrote that “a withdrawal of consent effectively nullifies any earlier consent and subjects the male to forcible rape charges if he persists in what has become nonconsensual intercourse.”
2. “Imposing oneself on an unwilling partner.” (Irma Kurtz)
3. In the BDSM subculture, “rape” – often but not always coupled with qualifiers such as “fantasy,” “play,” and “scene” – is often used to specify rape fantasy roleplay, in which two parties agree in advance to enact a scenario where they both pretend to engage in non-consensual sex. As Larry Townsend writes in Ask Larry “There is a great deal of difference between consensual SM and rape, and if you are not able to distinguish that difference you don’t belong in the scene.” (p. 85).  Because of the dangers of miscommunication, “rape” play is not a type that is to be engaged in lightly. The use of safe words and careful negotiation is strongly encourage but even then there is a potential of the scene going seriously bad.

S.A.M.

1. In the scene, from Gay male culture, S.A.M. means “Stand and Model”: posing in leather – usually at a leather bar – as if it’s a lifestyle statement when it’s actually a fashion statement.
2. In the scene, S.A.M. means “smart ass masochist” also known as a “brat.” As the name implies, S.A.M.s are non-submissive masochistic bottoms who – under the pretext of submission – become deliberately disobedient and disrespectful to their dominants in order to provoke punishment. While many doms dislike this sort of manipulation and consider it “topping from below.”, S.A.M. behavior can be appropriate – if all parties enjoy and consent to it. Some doms call any bottoms who choose not to submit to them S.A.M.s In truth it’s a bottom’s prerogative not to submit to just any dom. To be a real S.A.M., a bottom must be inappropriately and intentionally rude, disrespectful, and provocative. BTW, playful bratty behavior – while often unacceptable in the BDSM scene – is quiet common and acceptable in the spanking scene where D/s is not a component of that subculture.

D/s (Dominance and submission)

Dominant (or Dom)

1. (adj.) Exercising the most influence or control; governing. (American Heritage Dictionary)
2. (adj.) Most prominent in position or prevalence; ascendant. (American Heritage Dictionary)
3. (n.) In the scene, a person that enjoys assuming control, dominating others, and taking the active roll in making most – or all – of the decisions in a scene or in relationships with a submissive or bottom. (Compare with “top.”)

Submissive (or Sub)

1. (adj.) The quality exhibited in committing to the discretion or decision of another or others (after Merriam-Webster dictionary)
2. (n.) In the scene, a person that prefers to give up control to a dominant in the course of a scene or in their relationship. The term is often written in all lower case where dominant is often capitalized. (Compare with “bottom.”)

Positions

Top

1. (noun) In the gay male culture, a “top” is the person doing the f**king or an individual who prefers to be the f**ker. The term originated in the fisting scene.
2. (noun) In the pansexual BDSM scene, most often used as a synonym for dominant.
3. (noun) In the pansexual BDSM scene, less often but more specifically meant to describe the active participant in a scene.  The person doing something to the bottom – whether or not the active participant is in control.  For example, a dominant with a masochist streak can instruct his submissive to flog the dominant.  In this sense the top can be a submissive.
4. (noun) In the pansexual BDSM scene, a sort of “weekend warrior” who engages with a bottom or series of bottoms in recreational play for the sake of play, not needing or even looking for a relationship. Using this definition, the distinction between top, dominant and Master is more accurately stated as a graduation in the intensity of the relationship experienced between the players with Master being most intense and top least intense. The Master, it is assumed, is actively engaged in a full-time, permanent relationship with a slave, in which he retains full control and responsibility over any and all activities engaged in during said relationship. (Paraphrased after dorei)
5. (verb) In the heterosexual BDSM scene, also used to describe the action of being active participant in a scene or relationship.

Bottom

1. (noun) In the gay male culture, a “bottom” is the person getting f**ked or an individual who prefers to be f**kee. The term originated in the fisting scene.
2. (noun) In the heterosexual BDSM scene, most often used as a synonym for submissive.
3. (noun) In the heterosexual BDSM scene, less often but more specifically used to describe the passive participant, or recipient of sensations, in a scene.  The person having things done to him by the top.  In this sense the bottom can be a dominant if the bottom is give the top directions on how the scene should be proceed.
4. (verb) In the heterosexual BDSM scene, also used to describe the action of being on the receiving end in a scene or relationship.

Switch

1. A female character in the movie The Matrix.
2. In the gay male culture, individuals who enjoy both the top and bottom roles in f**king (also referred to as ‘being versatile’)
3. In the BDSM Scene, “Someone who both enjoys and seeks both ends of the lash or leash.” (Ms. Siren)
4. In the BDSM scene, someone who alternates between the roles of dominant and submissive and/or top and bottom – usually at different times.

Master and Slave

24/7An always on, full-time master/slave relationship. Twenty four hours a day, seven days a week.Master

1. A male person having another living being so far subject to his will, that he can, in the main, control his or its actions; – formerly used with much more extensive application than now. (Merriam-Webster Dictionary) In this sense the term includes employers, slave owners, sovereigns, princes, feudal nobles, chiefs, the heads of households, male teachers, the male heads of schools or colleges, and the master craftsman who articled apprentices in medieval Europe.
2. One who uses, or controls at will, anything inanimate. (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)
3. One who has attained great skill in the use or application of anything. (Merriam-Webster Dictionary) Applications that can be mastered include ken-jutsu, carpentry, leatherwork, and the use of bull whips.
4. In the scene, a dominant who has absolute control over a slave.
5. In the scene, a dominant who has achieved a high level of status and respect from his peers often because of his experience, knowledge, wisdom, and seniority.
6. In the scene, the title a submissive addresses his dominant.
7. In the scene, a man who has claimed the title of master – regardless of skill, seniority, merit, or competence.

The Historical Context for “Master”:

In Medieval Europe to become a master craftsman required spending many years learning a craft – such as metal work, masonry, or carpentry – under the guidance of and in the service of an established master craftsman, first as an unpaid apprentice and then as a paid journeyman. To establish one’s own business as a master craftsman, the journeyman would have to have a sample of his craft approved by a body of master craftsmen known as a craft guild. In short, the title was earned over the course of many years of hard work.

On Mastery: A Selection from the Hagakure

One of the personal guards of the Shogun came to Tajima no kami one day wishing to be trained in ken-jutsu. The master said, “As I observe, you seem to be a master of the art yourself; pray tell me what ryu (school) you follow, before we enter into the relationship of teacher and student.”

The guard said, “I am ashamed to confess I have never learned the art.”

“Are you trying to fool me? I am a teacher of the Shogun himself, and I know my judging eye never fails.”

“I am sorry to defy your honor, but I really know nothing.”

The denial on the part of the visitor made the swordmaster think for a while. “If you say you do not, then it must be so; but still I am sure you are a master of something, though I do not know what.”

“If you insist, I will tell you this. There is one thing of which I can say I am complete master. When I was a boy, the thought came upon me that as a samurai I ought, in no circumstance, to be afraid of death. After many years this problem has ceased to worry me.”
“Exactly!” shouted Tajima no kami. “This is what I mean. I am glad I made no mistake in my judgment. For the ultimate secrets of swordsmanship also lie in being released from the thoughts of death. You need no technical training. You are already a master.”

– Yamamoto Tsunetomo
Hagakure translated by George R. Parulski, Jr.

Slave

1. In the larger world, “a person held in servitude as the chattel of another” or “one that is completely subservient to a dominating influence.”  (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)
2. In the scene, someone who has freely and completely relinquished all freedom to a specific person or persons in a structured relationship in order to satisfy their need to serve another. Some consider it is fantasy role playing.  Others are quite ouspoken in their belief that it is real. (Slave is often written in all lower case.)
3. In The Leatherman’s Handbook, Larry Townsend defines a slave as “a man who’s need for total mastery over him leads him to enter into a state of voluntary servitude.” In Ask Larry, Mr. Townsend adds “a slave obeys his master, even when he doesn’t want to obey” (p. 254) and “a real slave is just that: the complete and unquestioned property of his Master. So long as you maintain that you are a slave, you have no recourse. Your Master’s word is law!” (p. 259) [But I need to also point out that Mr. Townsend doesn’t believe that the Master doesn’t have his own obligations. In Ask Larry, he writes “If you accept a slave and make him subservient to your control, you must assume responsibility for his well-being.” (p. 301)]

Familial Model

Daddy

1. FATHER i.e. “a man who has begotten a child” or “one related to another in a way suggesting that of father to child.” (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)
2. In the scene, a dominant man who is the father figure to a boy.  The parent child role playing is usually loving, nurturant, and educational.

Boy

1. a : a male child from birth to puberty b : SON c : an immature male (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)
2. Sometimes offensive: a male servant (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)
3. In the scene, “typically a biological male or, in some instances, a biological female who identifies as a male … boys typically have a strong desire to serve or please others–especially Dominant, masculine individuals. … In general … boys are typically allowed more freedoms and are often allowed to make more decisions without consulting their dom. And, of course, boys will be boys–we have a playful mischievous side that sometimes gets us in trouble.” (anon.)
4. In the scene, a adult male or female who often relates to another adult who adopts a Father role to the boy. Boys are usually submissive but occasionally are a switch.

Boi

1. In both the Lesbian subculture and the pansexual BDSM scene, “typically referring to a biological female who presents herself in a typically masculine or 'butch’ fashion.” (anon.)
2. In the pansexual BDSM scene, an adult – most often a biological female but sometimes a male or transgendered person – who identifies as a boy (2nd definition above) but with qualification and understand that he is biologically female.
3. “A boyish gay guy or a biological female with a boyish presentation.” (Rona Marech)
4. In the scene, a adult male or female who looks to another adult to act as his father figure in part of a Daddy/boy relationship.  Usually a boi is submissive but occasionally a switch.

Bois, Boys, Submissives, and Slaves

a boi is a female version of a boy (although some female bois go by boy as well, rather than boi)

a boy is a leather partner of a leather Daddy - the definitions are as wide and vast as the boys/bois who identify as such.

boy/bois are generally bottoms or submissives, but not always, they can be switches and even primarily Tops who may serve just one Daddy and be Dominant to everyone else. A Daddy/boy relationship is generally seen as more of a partnership type relationship that has some similarities of a parent/child relationship as well as Dominant/submissive, but again, not always. In that respect, the Daddy acts as mentor, sometimes disciplinarian, guidance, the decision maker, etc., The boy is generally, but not always, in service of some sort or in a subservient role to the Daddy or Sir, a caretaker, a companion, the bottom for play inside a scene, etc. Both roles require great responsibility, both to yourself and to your partner.

Some boys like to differentiate themselves from slaves or submissives in that they are not property (although some are and most boys who are in service to a Daddy wear a collar), they have a will/mind of their own and are more than an extension of their Master’s will, although when I was a slave I saw myself as far more than just an extension of my Master, even if he didn’t always see me that way.

boys tend to think of themselves as more assertive, more aggressive, etc., than slaves. Some believe it comes down to a protocol expectation of boys versus slaves, although these too are similar and sometimes the differences are so subtle that it’s not always obvious. To elaborate on the protocols would take a whole other email and that is also defendant upon which protocol you mean, which community you are in, or are you talking about the protocol between just yourself and your Dominant, or the protocol you have with other boys/slaves?

However, I myself have been both boi and slave (and I generally call myself boy these days, not boi, although i quite enjoyed being a slave too), and the similarities are many. I want to do a good job for the Dominant that I am serving. I want to feel good about myself and the things that I do. I want my community to be a better place not just for me, but for everyone. I want my Dominant and my community to be proud of me and proud to be associated with me as I am with them. I know that this may seem egocentric or self serving from a submissive’s point of view, but to me self less serving is somewhat of a crock (I don’t mean to say that is the same case for everyone, but the reasoning for me is just not something I can get ahold of) :) if you didn’t feel good doing it, or got something out of it, why would you bother to do it at all?

Miscellaneous Terms

Cruise

“To be on the prowl or lookout for someone to hook up with, either for sex or play or both.  If you’re cruising, you’re actively looking for someone. "If you’re being cruised, someone is actively interested in you.” - slave to Master Jim, International slave 2001 Cruise Party" A party set up for the express purpose of bringing together people who might be interested in hooking up with someone for play or sex or both.“ - slave marsha, slave to Master Jim, International slave 2001

Exhibitionism

1. As defined in Psychology, exhibitionism is a paraphilia – an abnormal or unnatural attraction – involving exposing one’s genitals or sexual organs to a nonconsenting stranger but with no further attempt at sexual activity with the stranger.  Exhibitionists are sexually aroused by the shock or surprise of the victim. (Psychology Today)
2. The act or practice of so behaving as to attract undo attention sometimes by indecent exposure.  (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)
3. As practiced in the scene, exhibitionism is deriving erotic pleasure through the provocative display of one’s body – often during play – in front of a consenting and hopefully appreciative audience. (Note that exhibitionism is not an open invitation for audience participation E.G. you can look but don’t touch without permission.) While not everyone in the scene is an exhibitionist, a lot of people seem to enjoy playing in front of others. BDSM doesn’t include an E for Exhibitionism but perhaps it should.

Please note: Exhibitionism is not synonymous with nudism. (see Nudism below.)

Mentor

1. capitalized : a friend of Odysseus entrusted with the education of Odysseus’ son Telemachus.
2. a : a trusted counselor or guide  b : tutor, coach

Neo-Pagan

"Someone who attempts to reconstruct pre-Christian European, East Asian, or Egyptian beliefs and puts that reconstruction into practice as a religion or spiritual path” (anon.)Nudism

1. The belief in and/or practice of going nude, including when in gender mixed, age mixed groups, for reasons of health. (nudist adj. and n.)
(American Heritage Dictionary)
2. The practice of living without clothes for reasons of health [syn: naturism] (American Heritage Dictionary)

Notice, that unlike exhibitionism, nudism is not provocative or sexual in nature.

On Nudity:

“Being natural and matter-of-fact about nudity prevents your children from developing an attitude of shame or disgust about the human body. If parents are very secretive about their bodies and go to great lengths to prevent their children from ever seeing a buttock or breast, children will wonder what is so unusual, and even alarming, about human nudity.” - Dr. Lee Salk

“Because God created it, the human body can remain nude and uncovered and preserve intact its splendor and its beauty.” - Pope John Paul II

Pagan

An adherent to a polytheistic religion

Pansexual

1. In the BDSM community, pansexual refers to organizations, meetings, and parties that are open to all sexual orientations: straight, gay, bi, and transgendered.
2. Recently in the LGBI community, pansexual has been used to describe someone who “is attracted to people of multiple genders.” (Rona Marech) Drew Campbell write that pansexual is “often used by people who are open to sex with people of any gender or orientation.” (p. 41)

Player

1. a person who plays a game
2. a muscian
3. an actor

Polyamory

(or “Poly” for short)“responsible non-monogamy.” Loving, stable, and open long-term emotional and sexual relationships among more than two people. Unlike swinging, the relationships are long-term, committed, and emotional.

Puppy

A submissive who play acts as a puppy in a fantasy role playing scene.

Safe Call

Security measure in which a participant in a play session or meeting tells outside parties where he will be, with whom, and when he will be checking back in.  If a person does not check in, the third party calls for help.

Safe Word

A pre-arranged signal to notify the other play partner(s) – usually the top – if they go beyond negotiated boundaries, the sensations become too intense, or it becomes necessary to slow down a scene or stop it for any reason.

Subspace

“Simply put it is a dream-like state of peace, sometimes accompanied by visions of light, a feeling of floating, security and safety. It is very hard to describe.” - Jack Rinella

Trick

“The person you hook up with for sex or play or both is your 'trick.’  Carries the same kind of connotation as 'fuck buddy’ – this probably isn’t your long term partner.” - slave marsha, slave to Master Jim, International slave 2001

Trick Card

“In many gay bars and gay leather bars, small cards and pencils are provided at the bar for you to jot down your name, number, email address, etc. for someone you’re cruising or being cruised by.” - slave marsha, slave to Master Jim, International slave 2001

Personal Coinage

Competitive Exhibitionism

Performing a scene at a play party for the sake of notoriety and enhancing one’s reputation as a heavy player or a skilled top more than playing for pure love, enjoyment, and/or the thrill of being watched.

Creative Memory Syndrome (CMS)

The condition of remembering past incidents, conflicts, accidents, and disagreements in such a way as to prove oneself as being completely blameless and in the right. People experiencing this condition will not be lying but they will forget all unflattering aspects of their own behavior and motivation and misremember incidents in such away as to support their own views of themselves as right and good. Unlike lying or dissembling, the victim of this condition believes his own account absolutely. It’s a condition all of us have experienced on occasion but some of us are blessed with memories that are more fluid than the rest.

In Closing:

When scene people meet someone new to the BDSM lifestyle, they will often ask “What are you? Are you a Dom, sub, or switch?”  This should belong with other introductory questions such as “How old are you?,” “How much do you weigh?,” “How much do you earn?,” “Do you like giving oral sex?,” and “Are those real?”  The “What are you?” question is a disservice to the novice, to the community, and the person asking.

Our vocabulary is meant to be a communication aid. The terms we use are the best we have but sometimes they cause more trouble than they’re worth. The terms we use most often – Dom, sub, slave, switch, top, and bottom – are too limited and confining. As Larry Townsend writes in Ask Larry, “One of the difficulties in writing about human behavior is that people have such an infinite variety of possible responses and attitudes that there is no way to set up categories that include everyone.” Our definitions are useful for explaining general concepts, but they don’t adequately explain who we are as individuals. Other more exotic terms do a slightly better job but they are vague and confusing.

The use of categories – like Dom, sub, and even switch – so early in people’s BDSM experience can be confining and counter productive. For BDSM novices – who are still trying to figure out where they belong in this brave new world – the simple question “What are you?” creates a subtle but compelling prescription to declare their intentions and their identities at a time when they’re still trying to make sense of their feelings and desires. I see a problem in the scene right now in that people are being presured to conform to roles before identifying who they really are.

“What am I?”  the novice might think to herself.  "I don’t know. I’m kind of submissive, sometimes, and I like the idea of pain but I don’t know if I want to be someone’s slave 24/7. Maybe I’m a boi. But doesn’t that mean I’m gay?“

It’s like joining a new church and immediately being asked "So who here are you planning to marry?” We’re not born knowing who we are, we need a lifetime to figure that out. Most people really don’t know where they fit so early in their BDSM experience. By asking this question too early, we’re forcing round pegs into square holes. Or maybe just slightly asymetrical pegs into completely symmetrical holes. In either case we’re forcing pegs where they don’t fit. (It reminds me of the Japanese Maxim which says “The nail that sticks out will be hammered in.”)

What is the alternative? I propose to forgo the usual “What are you?” question and ask each other “What is it about BDSM which interests you?” or “What do you like to do? ” instead. Those questions are open ended and less demanding – and paradoxically more demanding – than the “what are you” variety. The questions might be less demanding in that they’re not asking people to make an immediate declaration as to who they will be for the next several years. At the same time the questions might be more demanding in that the people asked must undergo some introspection to answer honestly. But the advantages for those of us asking the questions is that the answers will be more interesting – and more informative.

www.evilmonk.org/a/terms.cfm

The Pride Flags

The Gay Pride Rainbow

Ah, the rainbow flag. Such a beautiful and bold statement, hard to ignore or mistake for anything else. (also easy to adapt to every kind of merchandise you can imagine)

Wikipedia has an extensive article on it, but here are the more interesting bits:

The original Gay Pride Flag was first flown in the 1978 San Francisco Pride Parade, and unlike its modern day 6-color version it was a full rainbow – it included hot pink, turquoise, and indigo instead of dark blue. Each of the stripes had a particular meaning associated with it, but mostly I think they just wanted a purty rainbow.

The pink stripe was removed relatively quickly due to fabric unavailability. The turquoise was taken out a year later when the 7-striped flag was hung vertically from lamp posts on SF’s Market Street, but the middle stripe was obscured by the post so they yanked turquoise to make it an even number of stripes. This was also when blue replaced indigo, which I assume was done to balance out the removal of the turquoise.

It’s been the same since 1979 and is recognized internationally. Awesome.

Leather Pride

Also known as “black and blue with love,” the leather pride flag is not associated with any particular sexual gender preference (though it’s used most commonly by gay men) but instead indicates a preference for kink. The “leather subculture” is somewhat hard to define as it encompasses a wide variety of activities. In general they all involve two things: leather and sex, although in modern times it’s also used for BDSM (which doesn’t necessarily include leather) or people who really really like wearing leather clothing (but not necessarily for a sexual purpose).

In fact, the leather flag has grown to represent so many other sub cultures that it’s spawned a huge variety of sub-flags. Here are some examples, taken from The Queerstory Files (I’ve swapped out the dog/puppy flag they used in the original article for the more common variant) and their meanings. Head over to that article for definitions of each.

The original leather pride flag was debuted at the International Mr. Leather event in 1989. The colors and symbol have no official meaning.

Fun fact: The image under the ‘History’ section of the leather pride flag’s wikipedia article is of the flag flying from Kink’s turret. :)

Bear Pride

In general, a “bear” is a large, hairy, overtly masculine gay man – however, the community champions inclusion and self-identification is the only required characteristic. Sometimes slim but hairy men are called “otters,” and bears who are younger or sexually submissive are called “cubs,” which I find completely adorable.

The Bear Pride flag was designed by Craig Byrnes, who did his undergraduate senior project on the bear community as well as being a part of it himself. His research gave him inspiration to design a flag for the growing community and in 1995 he sketched out four different designs in crayon. These were voted on during a meeting of the Chesapeake Bay Bears club, and the winning design was circulated amongst bear communities throughout the United States. It is now used by bear communities around the world.

The colors represent the fur colors of all the different types of actual bears around the world.

Bisexual Pride

The bisexual pride flag was introduced in 1998 by Michael Page as an effort to give bisexual people their own rallying symbol similar to the gay rainbow flag. The colors are an evolution of the “Biangle” symbol, itself a play on the original pink triangle used to represent homosexuality.

Pansexual Pride

Pansexuality is an interesting new categorization of sexual attraction. It’s defined as being attracted to people regardless of their gender or sex, which, unlike the strict definition of “bi”-sexual, includes those who fall outside the traditional gender binary.

The pink represents being attracted to women, the blue being attracted to men, and the yellow for being attracted to everyone else.
There are some very cute sentiments online associated with pansexuality:

I couldn’t find any references for the history of the flag, but I’m guessing it’s rather new seeing as most of the uses for it are on tumblr.

Asexual Pride

Asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction or a low interest in sexual activity. The asexual community is relatively new and not widely known, quite possibly because a lack of sexual interest causes much less public outcry than an “inappropriate” sexual interest.

The flag was created in 2010 through a process spear-headed by the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (AVEN).

The creation and selection was extremely democratic and took place entirely online. First they asked for submissions, then posted all the designs in a poll. The community went through several rounds of voting, and finally narrowed it down to the winner that you see above.

Lesbian Pride

This flag features a “labrys,” a double-headed axe associated with early matriarchal Minoan societies and favored by tribes of Amazon warriors who roamed the area that is now Kazakhstan. The labrys became popular with lesbian culture in the 1970s, but has fallen out of common use since.

The black triangle is a throwback to nazi Germany, similar to the pink triangle used by the general gay movement. The black triangle denoted “anti-social” behavior, which included lesbianism.

Although the flag was created fairly recently (1999 by Sean Campbell) it’s not as popular now as it once was, possibly because of the relative unknown of the symbols.

Lipstick Lesbian Pride

A “lipstick” lesbian means a woman who is gay and has a very feminine gender expression. Often this includes makeup (thus, lipstick), skirts, heels, etc.

This flag appears all over the internet, but it was very hard to find information about its origin. I finally traced it back to this post on a blog called This Lesbian Life. Reading through the author’s other posts, many of which are very good btw, it’s clear she was frustrated by other people not believing she was gay because she’s so femme. These are a couple lines from a blog post of hers called  “The 10 Worst Things About Being a Lipstick Lesbian.”

2. Nobody ever believes that you’re gay,  and thinks that you’re just going through a phase because of a bad boyfriend experience.
6. When you walk into a lesbian bar, everyone looks at you up and down and then whispers to each other, “Well she went to the wrong place.”
9. When you come out to someone they always have a crazy look on their face and then say…”Well I had no idea! You don’t seem gay!!!”

So, she created a flag of her own to represent a marginalized subgroup! Pretty cool.

Also, I think it’s seriously fucked up that this woman created this gorgeous flag, which is all over the internet, but nobody credits her. She wasn’t that hard to find, she’s on the 2nd page of a Google Search for “lipstick lesbian pride flag.”

Polyamorous Pride

Polyamory is often described as “consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy.” It’s basically the practice of being in a relationship(s) with multiple people at the same time, and everyone involved knowing about it and being ok.
Sadly for math nerds everywhere, the “pi” in this flag merely symbolizes the letter “p” for the first letter of “polyamory.” The flag was created by Jim Evans, but I couldn’t find info on when or where.

Update 6/27/15: The flag’s creator added this info in the comments:

“The flag was indeed designed by me, Jim Evans, in the summer of 1995 or so. The ‘pi’ symbol has taken some heat over the years because of its obscurity, but yes, it was chosen to represent the first letter of “polyamory.” Part of the idea was to claim an arbitrary symbol that would be innocuous to people who didn’t know better, allowing closeted polyfolk to remain discrete if their circumstances required it. As an additional benefit, it was also a readily available typographic symbol on computing platforms at the time, and could be easily replicated by nearly anyone, which was seen as a distinct advantage, given the limitations of the designer’s visual artistic ability. I’m simply gratified that enough people over the years have found it acceptable enough to keep using it.”

Straight Pride

At first I was amused to discover the existence of heterosexual pride flags, but after several minutes of googling “straight pride” I realized they’re usually used by asshole conservative groups as an anti-gay slogan. :\ Kinda like “white pride” actually means “we hate anyone who’s not white.” There are some friendly uses of these, but not many.

Straight Allies Flag

This flag is designed for straight people who are proud allies of gay people. Why they can’t just wave a normal rainbow flag I don’t know, but here it is!

It emerged sometime in the late 2000s, but I couldn’t find any info on where it came from. The rainbow triangle thing in the middle is supposed to be an ‘A’ for ‘Activism’ or ‘Ally’ or something, with the black and white stripes representing the straight part.

Intersex Pride

“Intersex” is a term for people who are born with mixed primary or secondary sex characteristics, making them both female and male. This condition shows up in approximately 1% of the population, though many recognized forms of it are subtle enough to go undetected for an entire lifetime.

Update 6/27/15: This flag was debuted by OII Australia in July of 2013 as a rallying point for Intersex people, “one attempt to create something that is not derivative, but yet is firmly grounded in meaning.” The colors yellow and purple were chosen because they’re seen as fairly gender neutral – neither pink nor blue. The circle symbolizes wholeness or completeness.

My original post listed the below striped flag as Intersex Pride. This flag was somewhat controversial in the Intersex community, the main complaints being that it’s too close to the Transgender Pride flag and that it had also been intended to represent “Bigender” peoples. Intersex is distinctly different from Transgender or Bigender, so OII created their distinctly different flag. The debate continues, however.

This flag, designed by Natalie Phox in 2009, blends the two stereotypical gender-binary baby colors, pink and blue, in lavender stripes on the side and a gradient in the middle.

Transgender Pride

The transgender pride flag was created by Monica Helms, a transgender woman, in 1999. The two colored stripes represent the traditional colors for baby boys and girls, and the white is for those of intersex, neutral, or other genders.

The flag is intentionally symmetric so that however you hang it, it is in the ‘correct’ orientation. Helms says this was to represent transgender people finding “correctness” in their lives.

Update 6/27/15: The above flag is still the most commonly recognized Transgender Pride Flag, but a lot of variants have sprung up.

Genderqueer Pride

The Genderqueer Pride flag was created by Marilyn Roxie in 2010 with help from the Genderqueer internet community. The lavender is a mix of the traditional blue and pink gender colors for people who are a little of both, the green is meant to be the “inverse” of lavender for those outside the binary, and the white represents gender neutrality.

“Genderqueer” is a term I have become increasingly fond of lately. It’s an extremely inclusive “catch-all” for anyone who doesn’t feel like they fit into one of the two standard gender definitions. Unlike most other pride flags, which represent groups of people who ‘are’ something (people who are gay, transgender, asexual, etc.), genderqueer is for people who are not either of the traditional 2 genders. It’s a group for people who feel like they don’t fit into the normal definition, and I think that’s pretty awesome.

Genderfluid Pride

(Added on 6/27/15)

Genderfluid is a term for someone who’s gender changes over time. Their gender identity can vary at random or in response to different circumstances. Gender fluid people may also identify as multigender, non-binary and/or transgender.

The flag was created by JJ Poole, and the colors represent the various states that genderfluid people may find themselves in – pink for feminine, blue for masculine, purple for a mix of the two, white for no gender, and black for all genders.

Rubber Pride

At a very basic level rubber fetishism is similar to leather fetishism, in that it revolves around clothing made of rubber (latex, PVC, polyurethane, etc.). Likewise, it has developed a significant number of associated sub-fetishes.

The Rubber Pride flag has existed since 1994, developed by Peter Tolos and Scott Moats. It was created by the two during a Vulcan America meeting in the hopes it could be used for rubber enthusiasts to find like-minded partners. Since the Rubber community is significantly smaller than the Leather or Bear communities, and its members tend not to wear their gear in public, it was especially difficult back then for fetishists to find each other.

The flags designers wanted something different from the uniform horizontal stripes that had become standard for pride flags, so they chose a black base with red and yellow for their brightness. The yellow was originally intended to represent watersports, and the red blood, but the interpretation has changed since.

Instead of using straight bars they added the zigzag to make a ‘V’ (since it had come out of a Vulcan America meeting) and also because the flag indicates a kink. Peter Tolos cheerfully said “It’s a kinky flag!”

Literally. :)

Master/slave Pride

The Master/slave pride flag was debuted at the Master/slave conference in Washington DC on July 29, 2005. (doesn’t a Master/slave conference sound way more fun than WWDC?) It was designed by Master Tallen and his slave Andrew.

Before the creation of this flag the M/s (and Dom/sub) community tended to use the Leather Pride flag, but Master Tallen felt this was inappropriate since plenty of members of the M/s community did not identify as leather or kink fetishists. (nor were they all gay men, the group the leather flag is most commonly associated with)

The symbols represent, to nobody’s surprise, master and submissive. The single vertical line is for authority, power, or dominance. The grouping of three horizontal lines is apparently a standard psychological symbol for submission or ‘passive intellect.’ I assume they went with black and red because they’re dramatic and pretty.

Ownership Pride

(Added on 6/27/15)

Ownership is derived from the Master/slave dynamic, with a greater emphasis on rules and defined behavior between owner and property. There is a pretty legit website with a 10-point manifesto, starting with the following:

1. What is Possession?

Central to O&P is the concept of Possession: having control and use for one’s own purposes of that which is possessed, involving some or all of the rights associated with property ownership. This is asymmetric and unequal in status. While the submissive is in the dominant’s possession they are fundamentally there for the dominant, obeying the dominant, and subject to the dominant’s decisions. The dominant is the submissive’s superior, just as an employer is their servant’s superior. The unambiguous, honest, and hierarchical nature of O&P provides clarity about what is to be done, and who is to do it, without the manipulation and unstated quid pro quo of so many relationships.

The website also goes into extensive detail about the design of the flag, and it’s pretty obvious the designer knew what they were doing since they mention things like the rule of tincture, the first rule of heraldic design. The shield represents the owner as protector and head of household, and the circle represents the collar, a pretty universal symbol for submissives and slaves. The striped background is a shoutout to the original leather pride flag, with the emphasized color difference helping to illustrate the extreme power dynamic of the relationship.

ABDL Pride

(Added on 6/27/15)

Adult Baby / Diaper Lover (ADBL) is a fetish community based around adults role playing as babies or using classic baby items such as diapers. This can be sexual, but is not necessarily so.

I feel this is one of the more self-explanatory flags – the pin is a diaper pin, and the colors are the usual pastel gendered baby colors.
There is also this white-striped heart over a pink and blue background symbol that is associated with this community, but I can’t find additional information about it as a flag – it mostly seems to exist as Zazzle merchandise.

Fat Pride

“Fat Fetish” is fairly self explanatory, although there are many self-identified fetish classifications inside of the general community. These include ‘fat body worship,’  ‘erotic weight gain,’ and ‘growth role-play.’ The flag is fairly new, created in 2011 by Kevin “The Cosmopolitan” Seguin. The colors are based off of Neapolitan Ice Cream, which I find rather clever. :)

This is actually the second version of the flag – the first version, which had a similar theme but was much simpler, met with some resistance by the community.

Pony Pride

(Added on 6/27/15)

Pony Play is the fetish practice of treating humans as horses, which can include things like wearing hooves and ears (similar to puppy play), wearing tack (bridles, saddles, etc.) and pulling carts.

The flag was created by Carrie P (Mystic Storm) in 2007. The predominant black background honors the leather community at large, and the other colors represent various aspects of the pony community. The horse shoes represent, well, ponies.

Military/Uniform Pride

(Added on 6/27/15)

I have found remarkably little information on this flag – I can find its existence mentioned in various places, but only one source for the image itself, which has no information beyond a note that it’s been around for a while but the creator is unknown.

Uniform Fetish revolves around wearing uniforms during play – very often these will be military uniforms, but I have seen the term used in a very broad sense as well (think nurses and schoolgirls).

Feather (Drag) Pride

The Feather Pride flag is associated with the Drag community. The symbol is a phoenix, representing the fiery passion that sprang up in the drag community during the early days of the HIV/AIDS epidemic.

The flag was created by Sean Campbell, the same man who created the labrys Lesbian Pride flag above. Campbell designed several other flags for niche communities, but these seem to be the two that have survived in common usage.

General Sources:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Agge.se/sandbox/List_of_pride_flags_and_sexual_identity_symbols
leiandlove.deviantart.com/art/Ultimate-LGBTQ-Flag-Guide-236048103

Most graphics pulled from Google Images.

clarebayley.com/2013/06/a-field-guide-to-pride-flags/

The Sexual ABC

For me as master, sexual action is part of the bdsm. But I know several fetish guys who don’t want to integrate sex into bdsm action. You see that often with real hardcore bondage guys or also with young fetish freaks, who have explored their kinks before they have really explored their sexuality. Another group that doesn’t like sex during BDSM sessions are also straight guys who love the fact to be used by gay masters. They see it as kind of humiliation, that they have to serve in a “sexual” enviroment but at the end they don’t want to have that what they see as “real” sex.



As I have told there are no real standards in BDSM and if it is ok for all persons involved to not have real sexual action it is as ok as it would be if all would agree to combine it with sexual action.

But how do you define sexual action? Is to lick feet a sexual action? For some guys it is, for others not. So probably the discussion if sex in general should be part of the game or not is a stupid discussion. You have really to talk with all involved guys about sexual practices. And as I have written in the article about the “master’s responsibility” you don’t have to talk just about if it is ok, you have also to talk about your experiences and your needs. Why that? Just because there are often actions, people don’t like, but they like to be forced to do it. SM is not a yes or no thing, but important is, that a real NO is also accepted as one. Ok, as master you have to play with the limits of the boy, but that needs time and you have to go step by step. Again:

TRUST and CONSENSUS are the BASE of good SM !

All involved people have to talk before the action about what is possible, what not, what the experiences and limits are and what  the taboos too, and what are the special fetishes and kinks of all involved people.

For beginners it is not so easy to discuss about. Often they are feeling ashamed to talk about sex with people they don’t really know or they meet for the first time. I know it is easy to say and hard to live but you don’t need to feel ashamed. Sex is someting normal and if you meet a guy for SM then both of you have kinks. Some are identical, others are different, but all involved are kinky! I think that is the reason why you want to meet the other guy or guys anyway right?

Another problem is that newbies don’t know the right language terms as there are a lot of special techniques and fetish guys use a lot of acronyms and word codes. We want to help you here in this article with a list of the most used techniques. It may can help you but the most important thing still will be to

Talk openly and without any shame with the guys you want to play with!

It is better to see before the session that you don’t match, even if he is a real hot and sexy pig, than to have bad experiences!
As I have written in the article about the master’s responsibility it is extremly important that a top knows what he is doing. Of course everything has to be done once for the first time, but then the top has to be very well informed. Best is if he has tried it on himself. If you do something new as master, then talk even more intensive with the bottom, so that you get also during the action the information you need to know and if you’re on the right way.

It is important that all involved people have their fun. So it is also up to bottom boys and slaves to inform and to motivate the tops and masters to new kind of action. Together you have more ideas to make your sexual life even more varied. It is again the communication which brings you further.

A last important point before we present you the list of sexual practices is your HEALTH and STIs (sexual transmitted infections). Even if it is not really a nice topic to talk about, you have to do it before you turn to the fun part. Bareback action can of course be great, but even if HIV is not anymore a sentence to death it still remains a sickness which is not curable. It is not worthy to have a cronical disease just for one brainless fuck in a darkroom – even if it is a good one. Other STIs are of course easier to heal but they can be disagreeable and provoke serious damages if you don’t cure it.
It is important to do STI tests and to talk about!

And don’t feel ashamed if you get an STI. If you live a more open experimental sexuality it is something which can happen. But if you get the result that you’ve an STI please inform the sexual partners you have had during the last periode so that they can test themselves too. Of course it is not a funny call to do but you show your partners, that you’re fair, serious and responsible.



Abrasion – (See also: Cutting , Knife Play ) Dictionary term meaning a wearing, grinding, or rubbing away by friction.  In BDSM play this  would See also stimulating the surface of the body with abrasive materials such as rough silk, leather, sandpaper, brushes, etc.
Age Play – Acting as if you were either younger or perhaps older than you really are.
Anal Beads – A set of strung beads used to insert into the anus to stimulate the anal nerves as foreplay or to cause orgasm.
Anal Play – This is generally play where the anus may be penetrated with either beads, ice, dildos, anal plugs, penis, or fist.   Rimming the anus with a finger or toys stimulates the nerves which can create a more intense orgasm.  Inserting and playing with one’s prostrate gland (males) will cause increased orgasm.
Anal Plug – (See also: Dildo , Vibrator )   A specially designed dildo for use in the anus that is shaped in a way so that it will not “fall out”. Most commonly inserted and left in the anus for a given amount of time. Also used for “ass training” to stretch out the anus and get one accustomed to having something in their ass.
Anal Sex – (See also: Rimming ) Any sexual activity involving the anus. Examples are; rimming (oral), Butt / Anal Plugs, Dildos, and penile penetration.
Animal Role Playing – Games in which one or more partners, usually the bottom, takes on the role of an animal. Most common is probably a dog, or puppy boy / girl though horses are also popular. The ‘animal’ may imitate animal behavior, wear items such as collars, leads, bridles and so on, or carry out tasks associated with animal behavior.
Arm / Leg Sleeves –  Play which involves binding the arms/legs of the submissive in an attempt to restrict mobility.
Aromas –  (See also: Hot Oils ) Play which involves the use of certain aroma therapy to induce relaxation.   Also referred to as “poppers”. In some instances these can be volatile compounds whose vapors cause temporarily increased heart and breathing rates, muscle relaxation, and a “rushing” feeling in the head. These types of play are popular in the gay and rave scenes, and often used in an S/m context. There are some dangers associated with their use.
Asphyxiation – (See also Breath Control , Choking ) Commonly referred to as “breath control”. Refers to play involving control of or restriction of air and / or oxygen to the brain. Any form of stopping breathing freely including choking, smothering and hoods with tubes, sacks, plastics, etc, is asphyxia.  Sometimes used to cause a more intense orgasm. Other examples would be strangling which is compression of the neck or throat area to prevent oxygen to the brain; suffocation involves reducing the level of oxygen available to breathe; hanging where the body is suspended by the neck (remember, all these games are extremely dangerous , either alone or with a partner, and may cause DEATH ).
Auctioned for Charity – (See also: Competitions) Involves play where the partner (usually the submissive) is auctioned off to others for charitable purposes and or services to another. This is illegal in many areas.
Ball Stretching – Play which involves a type of penile constraint attached to weights in order to provide a variety of sensations including discomfort and pain, while stretching the testicles and scrotum.
Bathroom Use Control – (See also: Catheterization , Enemas ) Scenes where the Dominant restricts or takes control over the submissive’s bodily functions through the use of techniques such as catheterization, enemas, diapers, rubber pants, and possibly golden showers. Examples in play: House training a puppy, age play, and golden shower play.
Bestiality – Play which incorporates the use of animals for sexual pleasure. Not to be confused with animal role playing.   This form of play can be very dangerous.
Beating – (See also:  Spanking , Caning ) Striking the body with various objects or the hand.   Typically administered as punishment in connection with childhood punishments.   For example, the Dominant may administer a “beating” to an unruly submissive.
Being Serviced (sexually) – Play which involves just that.   The Dominant instructing the submissive to do exactly how He / She wants the submissive to perform sexually.
Biting – Scenes involving the biting of the skin to induce pain.   Safety Note: Although certain types of nibbling/biting are quite safe, extreme biting causing breaking/bleeding of the skin is not recommended and can be dangerous if not carefully done.
Blindfolds – (See also: Full-Head Hoods ) Play which involves temporarily blocking the submissive’s sense of sight. This type of play is essential when everyday objects are used to give unexpected sensations.   Blindfolds come in many forms from the more expensive leather (full-head type) to the more inexpensive handkerchiefs, scarves, bandages.   Safety Note:   Do not make the blindfold too tight as to put pressure on the eyeballs.   Although some people take blindfolding in stride, it can have unpredictable psychological effects and be extremely frightening for some people.
Breast / Chest Bondage – (See also: Bondage ) The restriction / bondage of the woman’s breast / chest area for erotic reasons using various types of fastenings (i.e., rope, scarves, etc.).
Breath Control – (See also: Asphyxiation , Choking )   Refers to play involving control of or restriction of air and / or oxygen to the brain.   Other examples would be strangling, which is compression of the neck/throat area to prevent the flow of oxygen to the brain. Suffocation involves reducing the level of oxygen available to breathe; hanging where the body is suspended by the neck (remember, all these games are dangerous to play, either alone or with a partner).
Branding – (See also: Cutting , Knife Play , Tattoo ) Making a permanent or semi-permanent scar on the skin by burning it with a hot metal object, as practiced on livestock.   Seen by some as “body art”, this technique can be carried out safely; however, it is still likely to be intensely painful. Can also use temporary tattoos or markers. Used by Dominants to mark Their property.   Not for the novice.
Boot Worship –  (See also: Foot Worship , Homage , High Heels) The practice of play involving a fetish for boots / shoes.   Commonly used for Domination and humiliation practices (i.e., licking or cleaning of the Dominant’s boots, shoes or bare feet).
Bondage –   (See also: Breast / Chest Bondage , Immobilization , Intricate Japanese Rope Bondage , Manacles / Irons , Mummification , Shibari , Spreader Bar , Straight Jacket ) The restriction of a person’s bodily movements for erotic reasons using fastenings of various types or textures.   Also used in S/m practices though with a heavier pretense.   Examples; Rope, cuffs, chains, and other restraining apparatus.
Breast Whipping –   Whipping of the woman’s / submissive’s chest area using a variety of items which include:   floggers, whips, cat tails, paddles, for erotic purposes.
Brown Showers (Scat) –    The practice of play involving a fetish for including human (or animal) feces.    Although this type of play can be safe if done correctly, it is not recommended for those faint of heart!
Bruising – A condition which may occur as a result of pinching or striking.  Care should be taken to avoid bruising.
Cages – Most common is the use of a large animal cage.  Construction of a cage can be of wood, steel, fencing material.  Used to confine the submissive, for play or punishment.
Caning –   (See also: Beating , Whipping ) Caning – Mostly made of bamboo, this whip is by far the most painful. Care should be used, as the welts from caning are slow to rise, and blood can be accidentally drawn if not in constant monitoring. Caning should be limited to the fleshy part of the buttocks, and nowhere else on the body. This can be very dangerous , and is not for the novice.
Castration Fantasy –   (See also: Cutting , Knife Play ) There has been much confusion as to the actual meaning of this term.  This refers to removal of the testicles; however, some people use it for the removal of any/all sexual organs of either sex.  The removal of the testicles is sometimes referred to as Emasculation and a man who has had his testicles removed is referred to as a eunuch.   This procedure causes permanent and significant changes to the body.   Castration fantasies are actually quite common among the heavy S/m players and are played out in scenes involving cock and ball torture (CBT), permanent and play piercing, and even genital shaving.   However, few people actually choose to make this fantasy a reality.   It should be noted here that this is a serious surgical procedure and not something someone can teach themselves to do safely.   This form of play is very dangerous.
Catheterization – (See also: Bathroom Use Control , Enemas , Urethral Play ) A flexible tube used in medical procedures generally inserted into the area controlled by the bladder.   This procedure is most often used for “control” scenes.
Cattle Prod – An electrical prodding device used to herd animals, more frequently for cattle.   Sometimes used in S/m play for “branding” or serious hardcore pain play, and is considered dangerous play.
Cells or Closets – Play which involves locking the submissive in a cell-type device and / or closet.   Usually as a form of punishment.   Not recommended for claustrophobics.
Chains – A strong metal type of bondage material used in bondage scenes.   Chains are less flexible and potentially more dangerous than other types of bondage material.   Note:   Always make sure you observe metal bondage rules and choose a chain and equipment that will withstand heavier strain.
Chamber-Pot Use – Scenes involving the use of the toilet for humiliation and / or control.   Generally used for medical scenes.
Chastity Belt – (See also: Enforced Chastity ) In S/m circles, meaning the banning or physically preventing one (male or female) from achieving orgasm or any form of genital stimulation.   A means of domination over one’s submissive.   A device (lockable ) panty-type which when worn prevents any type of genital stimulation.
Chauffeuring – Requiring one’s submissive to “chauffeur” them around physically in vehicles or other types of transportation.
Choking – (See also: Asphyxiation , Breath Control ) Compression of the carotid arteries in order to restrict air or blood flow to the brain.   This form of play is dangerous.
Chores (Domestic Service) – (See also: Housework) Scenes where the Dominant requires the submissive to perform chores and / or domestic service in either sexually pleasing clothing (i.e., maid outfits) or naked.
Clothespins – (See also Nipple Clamps) Small pinning devices used for hanging clothes.  Generally used in BDSM play as quite effective nipple clamps, testicle clamps, etc.   Great for the bargain BDSM player!   Be sure the wood doesn’t become stuck to the skin while removing, as it will remove skin from body.
Cock & Ball Torture – any form of restraint or orgasm control to a male’s genitals.  Can be used for play or punishment.  Not for the novice, as this can be dangerous.
Cock Ring – Rubber, metal, or leather type ring used to strap around the base of the cock and balls when soft.   Increases blood flow to the genital area during self stimulation and sex.  When released, causes minor pain during recurring blood flow.
Cock Worship – (See also: Homage , Licking ) Play which involves the fantasy of worshiping the cock.   Performed mostly by the submissive to the Dominant.   Scenes might include licking and / or fellatio. Even some female Dominants may use strap-ons that are worshiped by the submissive male or female.
Collar – A collar worn around the neck to indicate one’s submissiveness.   These can be made of leather, steel, rubber, rope.    Used in scenes for humiliation and / or examples such as dog / puppy or even boy / girl play.
Competitions (With Other Subs) – (See also: Auctioned for Charity ) Scenes involving competitive-type sports or play with other submissives.
Corsets – A lingerie / binding type device worn to restrict the chest area and make the waist smaller.   Worn by early 19th Century women as a form of formal dress to make one’s self more appealing to the opposite sex.
Crotch Torture – Any form of torture to the male or female genital area.
Cuffs – A leather or metal bondage device used to restrict movement.   Usually locks around the limbs in order to place the submissive in a precarious position.
Cutting – (See also: Abrasion , Branding , Castration Fantasy , Knife Play ) Cutting the surface of the skin with sharp objects, generally a knife, for the thrill, sensation, or pain.   To also create decorative scars.    The same basic precautions apply as with other types of blood play.   Remember to stay away from vital organ areas and genital cutting.   See also Abrasion, Branding, or Castration Fantasy.
Diapers – Waterproof panties or cloth worn in BDSM play for the object of child-playing scenes. Also used in control scenes for controlling bodily functions.
Dilation – The term used when a woman’s cervix is dilated (opened) to aid in childbirth. In BDSM play dilation occurs when a speculum (pelvic exam device) is used to open the cervix for medical scening. Safety Note: Care should be exercised and previous study should be done, before attempting this play. This form of play is dangerous
Dildo – (See also: Anal Plug , Vibrator ) From the French term meaning “I please myself).  A phallic-shaped device designed for insertion into the body. Early versions were made of stuffed animal gut, leather, or ceramics; however, today they are most commonly crafted of molded latex. They may be hand-held, strapped on with harnesses to allow women to wear, or permanently placed on other devices to ensure stability during use. Hygiene demands that dildos not be shared with others, or condoms be placed on dildos to prevent the spread of STD’s.
Dominant – The one in charge, or the top who oversees and controls.  A Dominant should be well versed in many areas of sexual play for safety.  The responsible One.
Double Penetration – Play involving the penetration of two or more bodily orifices with various types of devices and / or genitalia, (i.e., penetration of the mouth / rectum / vagina, etc.)
Electricity – (See also: TENS Unit , Violet Wand ) Using electricity in BDSM play seems a scary notion to most people, but it can easily be made safe provided two simple rules are followed: a) only use devices powered by low-voltage batteries, and certainly no main-powered appliances; and b) avoid placing any contacts above the waist (including hands or arms),  as even small currents to the heart or brain can disrupt those organs’ delicate electrical activity with serious consequences. Popular devices include “TENS” units designed for the relief of muscle and back pain; and “Violet Wands” which use a radio frequency discharge,   and can be used above the waist provided the face is avoided. Any form of this play can be dangerous .
Enemas – (See also: Bathroom Use Control ,  Catheterization ) A thorough anal cleaning involving a water bottle and tube. Most frequently used in medical scening although might also be used for control scenes as well.
Enforced Chastity – (See also: Chastity Belt ) In BDSM / S/m circles, meaning the banning or physically preventing one from achieving orgasm or any form of genital stimulation. A means of domination over one’s submissive. A device (lockable ) panty-type which when worn prevents any type of genital stimulation. See also “Chastity belt”
Erotic Dance – Scenes involving erotic dancing / stripping as a form of erotic pleasure; i.e., dancing / stripping to music.
Examinations – Scenes involving some type of physical examination (i.e. medical exams) where the use of various types of equipment are used. Safety note: Genital examinations should be done carefully, as serious consequences could result if not performed carefully. This form of play can bedangerous.
Exercise – Play which involves forcing one’s submissive to exert physical exercise as a form of control / humiliation (may include lifting, running, weight-lifting, etc.).
Exhibitionism – Common dictionary term meaning a perversion marked by a tendency to indecent exposure; an act of such exposure; the act of practicing or behaving in such a manner as to attract attention to oneself. Scening involving the display of public / private exhibitionism in order to exert control and / or humiliation. NOTE: In many countries,  this form of play, is illegal and will get you arrested if caught by law enforcement.
Eye Contact Restrictions – Restricting one’s submissive from any eye contact with the Dominant (i.e., forcing submissive to look away / look down).    Similar to military boot camps. Control is enforced by the Dominant by refusing eye contact.
Face Slapping – Involves play where a moderate amount of slapping of the face is used for humiliation / control. This play can be dangerous if an eye is struck, etc.
Fantasy Abandonment – Play which involves the fantasy of abandonment. Possibly leaving the submissive in a deserted area or public area for a short period of time to exert control and punishment.
Fantasy Rape – (See also: Fantasy Rape (Gang) ) Scenes where the Dominant fulfills a submissive’s fantasy of rape. Note: This type of play can become quite emotional for the submissive, so use extreme care when performing this type of play. After care is extremely important
Fantasy Rape (Gang) – (See also: Fantasy Rape ) Involves the same type of play with the exception of scene being performed by a group.
Fear – Incorporating fear into scenes by using the submissive’s own fears as an outline for play. Note: This type of play can become quite emotional for the submissive, so take extreme care when performing this type of play, and aftercare is important again
Fellatio – (See also: Head ) Performing oral sex on a man’s penis.
Fisting (Anal / Vaginal) – Play which involves placing or attempting to place the entire hand (or even both hands) in the rectum / vagina. The hand is only formed into a fist, and once fully inserted, requires an extreme gentleness, care, and patience. Involves moving of the fist in and out of the orifice and can be a dangerous technique if not performed correctly. Proper study should be done, before attempting such, and after care is extremely important. This form of play is dangerous.
Flame Play – Play which involves the use of fire in scening. It should be noted here that using any type of fire / flame during scening is quite dangerous and could result in permanent scarring / burning of the body. Use extreme care when using fire in scenes, as this is extremely dangerous and not to be done by a novice.
Flogger – (See also: Strapping , Whipping ) A whip device usually with many “tails”.   Used on buttocks or back, generally to make nerve sensations greater. Floggers can be used on the genital areas.  Can be used for play or punishment.  This form of play is not for the novice, and can be dangerous.
Flogging horse – A device used to secure one on this bench-like, padded, sawhorse. Usually made waist height, with the use of tethers attached to wall or floor to secure the submissive. A well designed horse will allow open spread usage of the submissive when mounted properly upon.
Food Play – Where the Dominant controls amount and type of food allowed to be consumed by the submissive.  This includes liquid intake as well.
Foot Worship – (See also: Boot Worship , High Heels , Homage , Licking )   The practice of play involving a fetish for feet. Commonly used for domination and humiliation practices (i.e., licking / cleaning of the Dominant’s feet).
Forced Bed wetting – Forcing the submissive to purposely urinate in the bed. Most commonly used as a form of control / humiliation and in age play scenes.
Forced Dressing – Forcing the submissive to dress however the Dominant sees fit, whether publicly or privately. Used generally for humiliation.
Force-Feeding – A technique by which the Dominant controls the submissive’s eating habits. Used to “fatten up” submissives or in age play games.
Forced Homosexuality – Scenes where the submissive is forced into having sexual relations with someone of the same sex.
Forced Heterosexuality – Play involving the submissive performing forced sex with someone of the opposite sex.
Forced Masturbation – Scenes where the submissive is forced to perform masturbation in front of/for the Dominant or others as a form of erotic / sensual play or humiliation.
Forced Nudity – A scene which involves forcing one’s submissive to remain nude either privately or publicly. Generally as a form of control / humiliation. Note: In some areas, this is illegal in public.
Forced Servitude – A form of play involving the submissive acting as a servant / maid to the Dominant. May be played out in public or in private as a form of humiliation.
Forced Smoking – Forcing the submissive to smoke (usually cigarettes); however, other various types of smoking are used in heavy S/m play.
Full-Head Hoods – (See also: Blindfolds ) A flexible covering for the head and sometimes neck. These come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and textures. Worn to prevent the sense of sight for erotic purposes.
Gags – To restrict the use of the mouth by inserting a gag, in various textures (i.e., cloth, leather, ball gag, etc.). When using gags, it is important to remember that these only be worn for short periods of time. This form of play can be dangerous.
Gas Mask – A mask worn on the face connected to a chemical air filter and used to protect the face and lungs from toxic gases. Used mostly in heavy S/m scening.
Gates of Hell – A type of cock ring worn around the base of the testicles and penis to restrict blood flow to the penis during erotic scening. Specially designed, this type of cock ring is usually made of metal and has several rings attached together, ranging from the largest at the base and going smaller toward the tip.
Genital Sex – To cause an orgasm through the genital area, done strictly to the genital area with any body part or through the use of toys.
Given Away – Where a Dominant releases a sub to another Dominant, without exchange of favors.
Golden Shower – Play which involves urinating on one’s submissive or vice versa.
Gun Play – Scenes involving the use of firearms. It should be noted here: Gun Play is a dangerous form of play and should not be entered into lightly. Serious consequences could occur from such play and it is not recommended, It is also considered illegal.
Hairbrush Spanking – Play which involves the use of a hairbrush to inflict pain on the buttocks. Commonly used in “naughty boy / girl” scenes for punishment.
Hair Pulling – Pulling of one’s hair for the purpose of pain / humiliation. Used often in heavy scening.
Hand Jobs – Using the hands to perform sexual gratification on a man’s penis. Stroking of the penis to facilitate orgasm.
Harem – To have more than one submissive in a scene or in daily life (i.e., the Dominant has a “harem” of women / men). A common occurrence in the Mormon religion, and in polyamorous relationships.
Harness – Bondage apparatus consisting of a network of straps designed to form a web over a large area of the body or head. Well-known leather body harness for wearing around the upper torso. Harnesses can be constructed from a variety of materials. Some harnesses built properly are used in suspension.
Head – (See also: Fellatio ) To perform oral sex  on the man’s penis for erotic pleasure to facilitate orgasm.
High Heels – (See also: Boot Worship , Foot Worship ) Along with boots, these are the most fetished items around. They combine the discomfort and pain of wearing them with the damage they can inflict when used as weapons. Some scenes may involve wearing, licking, cleaning, etc. See also “Boot worship”
Homage – (See also: Boot Worship , Foot Worship, Cock Worship ) Term meaning to pay respects to; homage; honor. A ceremony involving the submissive “honoring” the Dominant in some way – public or private. Could also mean paying “homage” to the penis / vagina, feet, breasts, etc., by worship.
Hot Oils – (See also: Aromas , Hot Wax ) The use of warmed oils for massaging or various other uses for erotic type play.  Be careful of oil temperature before applying to another’s skin, test on Your own forearm first. This form of play can be dangerous.
Hot Wax – (See also: Hot Oils , Waxing ) The process of using hot wax in scening. The wax most commonly used are candles and can be used on various parts of the body for erotic stimulation. Note: Some types of wax, beeswax for instance, have a tendency to become extremely hot during burning and should always be used carefully to prevent permanent burning / scarring of the skin. Note: not for the novice, as this form of play is extremely dangerous.
Housework – (See also: Chores (Domestic Service) ) Play involving the Dominant instructing the submissive to perform domestic duties as a form of punishment / control. Can sometimes also be used as erotic play (i.e., cleaning in the nude).
Humiliation – To humiliate the submissive by requiring them to perform things they normally would not do, most commonly in public (i.e., wearing revealing clothing; having sex in public; playing out puppy, boy / girl scenes, etc.).
Hypnotism – To place someone in a trance-type state, and offer suggestions into certain types of behavior. Safety note: This form of play is not for the novice.
Ice Play – ice used on nipples or genital areas for desensitization of senses or nerves.
Immobilization – (See also: Bondage , Intricate Japanese Rope Bondage , Mummification , Shibari ) Any form of bondage technically immobilizes someone; however, this term is usually used for extreme forms of bondage where the submissive literally cannot move a muscle. Not recommended for long periods of time, and is dangerous.
Infantilism – Scening where the submissive assumes the role of a child / infant and is treated as such (i.e., diaper wearing, spankings, standing in corner, etc.).
Initiation Rites – A *Term* meaning the rites, ceremonies, and / or ordeals by which an individual is made a member of a house or society. Example: College initiations (“hell week”). More commonly known as “beat-in” or “earning letters”, such as pain slut.
Injections – Term meaning to “inject” the body with a substance (i.e., saline solution, insulin, flu shots, drugs, etc.). Usually performed with a hypodermic needle. Note: This is a very risky type of play and is NOT recommended. The sharing of needles should never be done! Injections should be left to those that have been properly trained or to health care professionals. This form of play is dangerous , and is illegal in most countries.
Intricate (Japanese) Rope Bondage – (See also: Bondage , Immobilization , Shibari )   A very complex form of bondage that is also quite beautiful to not only see but witness being performed. The submissive is also bonded in such a way as to allow easy access / removal of the device at any time.
Interrogations – Term meaning question, systematically and formally. Commonly performed in “police interrogations”; police-type scening. Commonly used for humiliation.
Kidnapping – Term meaning to seize, detain, or carry away by unlawful force. Some players in the BDSM scene have fantasies regarding kidnapping and may ask for a scene involving some sort of “play kidnapping”. This form of play requires after care and is classified as illegal in many areas.
Kneeling – To be used as a form of “respect” toward the Dominant. Making the submissive kneel when the Dominant enters the room, during scening, in public, etc. A punishment form of kneeling is where the submissive is kneeling in a different position then for *offering* herself.
Knife Play – (See also: Abrasion , Branding , Castration Fantasy , Cutting )   Cutting the surface of the skin with sharp objects, generally a knife, for the thrill, sensation, or pain. To also create decorative scars. The same basic precautions apply as with other types of blood play. Remember to stay away from vital organ areas and genital cutting.
Leather – Material made from the cured skin of animals. Wearing leather is a popular sexual fetish. Leather, especially the wearing of black leather gives the wearer a certain sense of power and is commonly worn in the BDSM scene by the Dominant. Used for making floggers. whips, etc
Licking – (See also: Cock Worship , Foot Worship , Pussy Worship ) Play involving the “licking” of various body parts.
Lingerie – Women’s intimate apparel. Lace bodices, stockings, bras, panties, etc. used often by crossdressers
Manacles / Irons – (See also: Bondage ) Metal rings joined by a chain to restrain the wrist or ankles.
Massage – Using the hands (generally) to massage areas of the body. Possibly giving a massage to “warm up” or “foreplay” before play.
Medical Scenes –   Done in a room equipped and fitted as a physicians or surgeons office. This is a form of role play, where cavity exams, piercing, the use of needles, scalpels, equipment sounds are generally found. Not for the novice. Some forms of this play is illegal, and can be dangerous.
Mentor – One who assists another in study.  Usually a well-versed Dominant helping a submissive understand the lifestyle and their role in it. A Mentor guides another to achieve knowledge, not a teacher.
Modeling – Usually used for pictures, where one is placed in positions for best appearance.
Mouth Bits – A type of mouthpiece, generally used on horses and ponies, that is inserted into the mouth and is used to bite down on. Used typically during pony girl / boy play scenes.
Mummification – (See also: Bondage , Immobilization , Sleep Sack ) A specialized kind of bondage in which the whole body, including the head, if a breathing tube is used, is wrapped tightly to prevent any type of mobilization.   Common types of materials are saran wrap, gaffa tape, or cloth or latex bandages. Holes are then sometimes made to allow access to the genital area. This form of play is dangerous , and should always have extra help around in case of an emergency.
Nipple Clamps – (See also: Clothespins ) Clamp-type devices placed on the nipples during play to stimulate and stop blood flow to the nipple.    One of the general household items to be used are clothespins. Care should be exercised to be sure the material used in clamp, does not stick to the skin, as tearing can occur.
Nipple Rings – A ring that is worn through the nipple. Piercing of the nipple and inserting a ring, similar to nose piercing. This type of piercing stimulates the nipple. Should be done by a professional.
Orgasm – Intense excitement resulting in an explosive discharge of neuromuscular tensions at the height of sexual arousal that is usually accompanied by the ejaculation of semen by the male and by vaginal contractions in the woman.
Orgasm Control – When one is forced to release or hold their body’s desires to orgasm.  Can be used in play or punishment.
Outdoor Scenes – Scenes involving the great outdoors! Any scene where the couple is outside during scening. Some activities are illegal.
Pain – In broad terms, pain is the body’s warning that something is wrong; however, our pain responses are very complex and it is very easy to produce the effect of pain without doing any real harm to the body.    The “pain threshold” at which a stimulus crosses the boundary between intense sensation and pain is a gray area in terms of our perception. BDSM is associated in most people’s minds with potentially painful activities, sometimes referred to as “pain games”. It is true; however, that some people actually enjoy or at least get some satisfaction out of the intense physical sensation. Some of the satisfaction may be attributed to the release of body chemicals also known as “endorphins”. Most player’s interests are a mixture of physical aspects and the psychological dynamics of Domination and submission, and some play with hardly any physical pain at all. Those for whom the interest in pain is predominant are sometimes referred to sadists and masochists rather than Dominants and submissives. After care is needed, and monitoring the one receiving pain, is mandatory. Not for the novice for play.
Parachute – Round leather device which is fitted between the scrotum and the base of the
penis with chains for weights to be added. This is a form of play, or punishment.
Phone Sex – Play which involves having simulated “sex” over the telephone. Some phone companies deem this illegal.
Piercing – Piercing of the body with a thin sharp object such as a needle. There are two types of play, permanent and temporary.    Permanent piercing is done with a thicker needle which enables jewelry to be easily inserted. Temporary piercing is done with a smaller, thinner needle which can be removed without permanent scarring after the session is completed. (i.e., nipple piercing, ear piercing, genital piercing). Mostly done to enhance the sensual areas of the skin. Piercing should be done be a professional.
Pony – A device used directly on genitals for punishment. The person’s body weight, plus additional weight is placed directly on the pony which distributes pain to a very  area. This is extremely dangerous as permanent damage may result. Not for the novice.
Pony gear – This type of gear includes hoods, bits for mouth, bridles, straps, harnesses, saddles and anal plug tails. Some use hoof shoes as well. These are used to “train” a submissive to be used for work, as a pony. This can be very dangerous as joints, limbs or back maybe damaged. Not for the novice.
Pony Slave – Scenes involving the submissive being dressed or made up as to portray a “pony”. Scenes might include mouth bits, harnesses, saddles, riding crops, etc. Note: Riding your pony can cause serious damage to their backs, hips, joints.
Prison Scening – Acting out a scene involving some type of prison scene. The use of a *cell* is for punishment and humiliation.
Prostitution – The selling of one’s body for sexual purposes (i.e., selling sex or sexual favors).  This form of play is illegal in many areas.
Public Exposure – Play which involves exposing oneself in public (i.e., flashing). Used for control / humiliation purposes.
Punishment – Scenes where the Dominant “punishes” the submissive for “bad or unruly” behavior. Often performed in little boy / girl scenes which may involve spankings, time-outs, etc.
Pussy Whipping – (See also: Licking ) “Whipping” the genital (vagina) area with different types of equipment (i.e., floggers, crops, slappers, etc.) for erotic pleasure.
Pussy Worship – The practice of play involving the “worship” of the female genitalia.   Scenes may involve the cleaning, licking, shaving, etc. In general, “worship” is a form of erotic play.
Rack – A table-like device which is fitted with pulling or stretching capabilities.   Some racks incorporate pulleys, winches or wheels for pulling one in opposing directions. Paddles or whips are generally used on the person on a rack.
Religious Scene – A form of play where the submissive is usually dressed in nun’s or clerical attire.
Riding Crop – A short whip-type instrument made of leather with a “loop” at the end which is intended for use on horses. May be used in scenes involving pony boy / girl type play. Riding crops are used to administer punishment, as well.
Rimming – (See also: Anal Play ) Mouth contact with the rectal area, which includes insertion of the tongue. Note : Hygiene precautions should be observed with this type of play. This play can spread disease.
Rope bondage – There are many styles of rope work from simple to very intricate. study of knots is important to anyone wishing to attempt this play. This form of play can be very dangerous if blood flow is disrupted. Not for the novice.
Rubber / Latex Clothing – (See also: Spandex ) Besides leather, this type of clothing is the next best thing.   One example may be a rubber hood. Some bondage items are made out of latex sheeting, and as with leather, black seems to be the most popular color by far.
Saint Andrews Cross – This is a cross made  in an X formation. It is generally angled and self-supporting. Some are suspended from ceilings, or mounted directly to a wall. The cross has leather restraints for arms, legs and body, Some have hooks along the edges for a person to be “laced” to the cross. Used for sexual play, or punishment can be administered while attached to the cross.
Saran Wrap – (See also: Mummification ) Plastic wrapping used most commonly to wrap leftover food. In BDSM play, used most likely in “bondage” scenes. This form of play can be dangerous.
Scratching – Scratching the body with the fingernails or another instrument for mild pain.   Note: Safety precautions should be observed as deep scratching may lead to bleeding of the skin. Care should be exercised in preventing infection.
Sensory Deprivation – Play which involves “depriving” the submissive of certain sensory perceptions. May include blindfolds, bondage, gags, etc.
Shaving – Using a razor or straight blade to shave hair from the body. Note: Shaving of the genital area should be done with extreme care.
Shibari – (See also: Bondage , Intricate Japanese Rope Bondage ) The art of Intricate Japanese Rope Bondage.  Bondage patterns are intricate, and artistically pleasing.
Skinny Dipping – Refers to swimming in the nude / swimming naked.
Slave – A totally subordinate person who needs total direction in all aspects of their life.   To be owned, to serve, without question, and who questions nothing they are told.
Sleep Sack – (See also: Mummification ) Refers to a bag in which the body is wrapped in a sleeping bag type contraption with ropes or straps. An intense form of “bondage”. This form of play can be dangerous .
Slings – Slings are made in many designs and shapes, but their use is to open access to the genitalia for play or punishment. This form of suspension causes fatigue rather quickly, so after-care should be taken as well as care during such use. Not for the novice.
Spandex – (See also: Rubber / Latex Clothing ) A form-fitting, stretchy type material that clings to the body (i.e., most women’s pantyhose are made of spandex). When worn can be quite comfortable and look extremely sexy when worn on “tight bodies”.
Spanking – (See also: Beating ) involves striking someone with the palm of the hand or other object (i.e., paddle, hairbrush, pig slapper, riding crop, etc.) on the buttocks as a form of punishment / humiliation. Mild spanking can be very erotic and when done correctly can push the submissive into “subspace” releasing endorphins which in turn creates a sense of euphoria.
Speculum – A medical instrument intended for the use of medical examination of the vagina or rectum, made of steel or plastic in the shape of a duckbill. The speculum is lubricated and inserted. After insertion, the “bill” is spread apart to open the cervix in the vagina. In BDSM play, commonly used in medical scening. This form of play can be dangerous . Not for the novice.
Spreader Bar – (See also: Bondage ) A bar type device used to “spread” apart arms / legs of the submissive.   Bars can be made of common, inexpensive materials such as dowel rods, pvc pipe, broomsticks, etc.
Stocks – A type of bondage “furniture” based on the medieval form of stocks used for punishment.    Stocks usually consist of two hinged pieces of wood with semi-circular holes which when locked together form a ring large enough for the head / neck and wrists to be placed inside.
Straight Jacket – (See also: Bondage ) A jacket type of garment meant to be worn “backwards”, consisting of close-ended sleeves that are strapped crisscrossed around the back and tied or locked in place (i.e., Houdini used this garment to escape from frequently).
Strap-On – A fastening type strap most commonly used to hold a dildo in place.    Commonly used in lesbian scening.
Strapping – (See also: Flogger , Whipping ) A length of material, most commonly leather, used for striking the body.
Stretchers – Generally made of wooden dowel rods or metal tubing, having eyelets to secure a submissive’s arms, legs apart for play. These are very portable, to use anywhere. Stretchers come in various lengths, usually 24 inches to 48 inches.
Subspace – A mental altered state in which a person can be taken to. Space is a form of hypnotism that can be self attained, or a Dominant can aid to obtain. Subspace is used for sexual pleasure, and can be utilized to convert pain to pleasure. After care is mandatory, as is constant monitoring. Not for the novice.
Submissive – One who gives freely of themselves for the pleasures of another.  A subordinate with negotiated limits.
Suspension – An advanced form of bondage in which the whole body is “suspended” off the ground and hanging “free in space”.   Note: not for the novice, use of properly designed equipment is advised.
Swapping – The “swapping” of one’s partner generally for sexual / erotic play.    Switching partners temporarily for play purposes.
Switch – One who “switches” between Dominant / submissive roles, i.e. from scene-to-scene or within a scene. Some switches may submit to one Dominant, and dominate others, etc.
Table Play – A padded table, where the submissive is restrained for play. The table has many securing points to offer different positions for play or examination. Tables can be used as racks if outfitted accordingly.
Tampon Training – Tampons inserted into the rectum, used as an anal plug, for play or punishment.
Tattoo –   (See also: Branding ) A permanent form of scarring to the body in the form of various types of pictures or drawings or names, etc. A permanent form of “marking the submissive” as property.
Teasing – The act of “teasing” to enhance erotic play or pleasure.   Teasing the partner in such a way as to stimulate sexual pleasure.
TENS Unit – (See also: Electricity , Violet Wand ) Term meaning Transcutaneous Electrical Neural Stimulation unit. A machine designed to apply electrical impulses to the body at safe levels. Note:  As with any type of electrical play , safety precautions should be observed as this form of play is very dangerous .
Thigh Cuffs – (See also: Cuffs ) A simple belt around the waist with connectors around it to restrict the submissive’s movement of arms and legs.
Thumb Cuffs – (See also: Cuffs ) Restraining devices used for restraint by the thumbs.
Ticklers – These are 16 to 18 inch rods with a tiny *flogger* attached on the end. Great for small areas where precision impacts are desired. Other ticklers include feathers, sandpaper, etc.
Tickling – Tickling the body to induce laughter. Often used in age play scenes.
Trainer – A Dominant who helps submissives understand the sexual aspects of the lifestyle. Study and play sessions are the normal negotiations.
Triple Penetration – Penetration of the body in three bodily orifices. Example: Insertion of the penis, dildo, butt plug in a female submissive all at once to enhance sexual stimulation.
Uniform – Play which involves the submissive wearing a “uniform”. Such uniforms could include cheerleader uniform, maid uniform, etc. Commonly used in role-playing scenes.
Urethral Play – (See also: Catheterization ) Play involving the “urethra”, the tube that runs between the bladder and the outside of the body. In men, it emerges at the end of the penis, and in women, just inside the vagina.    With the exception of the very end, this tube is sterile, and anything inserted deeper than a few millimeters should be sterile as well. Note: Serious damage can occur by inserting inappropriate devices, using excessive force, or by bad technique. This form of play is extremely dangerous . Not for the novice.
Vibrator – (See also: Anal plug , Dildo ) A dildo type device made in varying shapes and sizes and powered by either battery or plug-in electrical type. Used as a form of genital stimulation most commonly for women to promote orgasm.
Violet Wand – (See also: Electricity ,   TENS Unit ) A device used commonly in electrical type play which discharges radio energy when, which touched to the body produces electrical sparks. The sensation is similar to “static cling” charges. Using electricity in BDSM play seems a scary notion to most    people, but it can easily be made safe provided two simple rules are followed:    only use devices powered by low-voltage batteries, and certainly no main-powered appliances; and avoid placing any contacts above the waist (including the hands or arms) as even small currents in the heart or brain can disrupt those organs’ delicate electrical activity with serious consequences. This form of play is dangerous , and not for the novice.
Videos – Pre-recorded movies of a sexual nature. Can be watching others or being recorded.
Voyeurism – Term meaning the act of watching, peeping. In BDSM play, means to watch someone engage in sex or other forms of sensual / erotic play.
Water Torture – A form of “torture” involving water. After care is extremely important. Example: Laying the submissive face up while dripping water on the forehead for extended periods of time. Derived from the Chinese (i.e., Chinese Water Torture).
Waxing – (See also: Hot Wax ) Using warmed wax as a form of erotic sensation. Common areas of waxing are the buttocks, breast area, back, etc. The process of using hot wax in scening. The wax most commonly used are candles. Note: Some types of wax, beeswax for instance, have a tendency to become extremely hot during burning and should always be done carefully to prevent permanent burning/scarring of the skin.
Weights – Used to extend or pull, by pressure.  Vaginal weights used on labia, for example, pull the labia to stretch, for play or punishment depending on the amount of weight used.
Whipping – (See also: Caning , Flogger , Strapping ) A device consisting of a long, flexible striking surface. Whipping the body with a whip type device as a form of punishment.
Whipping Post – Designs vary according to builder, but the principle is to have a tall post with tethers that hang down, to attach a person from their wrists. Used for positioning a submissive for ease of whipping. Some Dominants use the “whipping post” for punishment only, and never for play.

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