I want to throw a play BDSM party; how can I go about it?
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The Lingam Massage
BACKGROUND INFO:
The Sanskrit word for the male sexual organ is Lingam (pronounced LING-AHM, [LING rhymes with sing]) and is loosely translated as “Wand of Light.” It’s meaning is different in intention from the typical Western view of the penis (i.e., Cock, Prick, Dong, Dick, etc., words that may come from a limited perspective, depending on the intent of their usage). In Tantra/Sacred Sexuality, the Lingam is respectfully viewed and honored, a “Wand of Light” that channels creative energy and pleasure.
The purpose of the Lingam Massage is to create a space the receiver to relax, and receive expanded pleasure from his Lingam. His partner (the giver) experiences the joy of facilitating and witnessing the man surrendering to his softer, gentler side. The Lingam Massage can be used as a form of safer sex (when latex gloves are used) and is an excellent process to build trust and intimacy. It is often used to help men heal from negative sexual conditioning and trauma.
Orgasm is not the goal of the Lingam massage although it is often a pleasant and welcome side effect. The goal is to massage the Lingam, also including testicles, perineum and Sacred Spot (the equivalent to the female G-spot), and allow the man to surrender to a form of pleasure he may not be used to. From this perspective both receiver and giver relax into the massage.
Men need to learn to RELAX and RECEIVE. Traditional sexual conditioning has the man in a doing and goal oriented mode. The Lingam Massage allows the man to experience his softer, more receptive side and experience pleasure from a non-traditional perspective.
PREPARATION:
Take a relaxing bath or shower. Take your time and breathe deeply. Conscious, relaxed breathing will take you out of your mental process and will get you more into your feelings. Relax your belly and let go of the tension that most of us hold there.
Go to the bathroom before beginning the massage. The best results occur when the bowels and bladder are empty.
Let go of your thoughts and connect with your partner through hugging, holding, eye gazing (looking into each other’s eyes for an extended time), bringing both of you to a place of relaxation and trust.
PROCEDURE:
Have the receiver lie on his back with pillows under his head so he can look up at his partner (giver). Place a pillow, covered with a towel, under his hips. His legs are to be spread apart with the knees slightly bent (pillows or cushions under the knees will also help) and his genitals clearly exposed for the massage.
The giver sits cross-legged between the receivers’ legs.
Before contacting the body, begin with deep, relaxed breathing. Gently massage the legs, abdomen, thighs, chest, nipples, etc., to get the receiver to relax. Remind the receiver to breathe deeply and to sink deeper into relaxation.
Pour a small quantity of a high-quality oil (or water-based lubricant when using latex gloves) on the shaft of the Lingam and testicles. Begin gently massaging the testicles, taking care to not cause pain in this sensitive area. Massage the scrotum gently, causing it to relax. Massage the area above the Lingam, on the pubic bone. Massage the Perineum, the area between the testicles and anus. Take your time. You are giving a massage to an often neglected area of the body.
Massage the shaft of the Lingam. Vary the speed and pressure. Gently squeeze the Lingam at the base with your right hand, pull UP and slide off and then alternate with your left hand. Take your time doing this, right, left, right, left, etc. Then, change the direction by starting the squeeze at the head of the Lingam/penis and then sliding DOWN and off. Again, alternate with right and left hands.
Massage the head of the Lingam as if you are using an orange juicer. Massage all around the head and shaft. In Tantra there are many nerve endings on the Lingam that correspond to other parts of the body. It is said many ailments can be cured by receiving a good Lingam Massage.
NOTE: The Lingam may or may not go soft as you perform this technique. Do not worry if it doesn’t get hard again. You will probably find that it will get hard, then go soft, get hard again, etc., which is a highly desirable Tantric experience, like riding a wave, bobbing up and down. Hardness and Softness are two ends of the pleasure spectrum.
If it appears that the receiver is going to ejaculate, back off, allowing the Lingam to soften a little before resuming the massage. Do this several times, coming close to ejaculation, and then backing off. Remember, the goal is not orgasm in and of itself. Men can learn the art of ejaculatory mastery and control by coming close to ejaculation and then backing off on the stimulation. Deep breathing is key here and will soften the urge to ejaculate. Eventually ejaculatory mastery will allow you to make love as long as you want and you can become multi-orgasmic without losing a drop of semen.
Orgasm and ejaculation are two different responses that you can learn to separate. The result is a very expanded sex life.
Find and massage the male Sacred Spot. There are two ways to do this.
One is by finding the spot midway between the testicles and anus. There is a small indentation about the size of a pea or maybe larger. Be gentle and push inward. He will feel the pressure deep inside and it may be intensely painful at first. Eventually, as this area is worked on and softened, he will be able to expand his orgasms and master ejaculatory control. You can massage his Lingam with your right hand and massage his Sacred Spot with your left hand. Try pushing in on this spot when he nears ejaculation. It is aptly named the Million Dollar Point in Taoism.
The other way to access the Sacred Spot is through the anus. Many men, especially heterosexual men, are uncomfortable at first as a result of negative sexual conditioning. Be careful here and use lubrication. The key is to go slow and be very gentle. Make sure he is breathing as you slip a finger from your left hand into the anus about an inch or so. Then crook the finger back in a “come here” gesture. You will feel the prostate gland. Vary the pressure and speed of massage. He may want stimulation of the Lingam as you massage the Sacred Spot. Back off on the Lingam as he approaches orgasm and increase the pressure on the Sacred Spot.
Sometimes the man may have strong emotions come up during access to the Sacred Spot. He may cry and remember a traumatic event from his past. You, the giver, are in a place of trust and intimacy. Allow him to feel his emotions and be very loving, not trying to console or fix him, just let him feel whatever he needs to. Encourage him to scream, cry, moan, sob, if it feels appropriate. Be the best friend and healer he could have in that moment.
ENDING THE MASSAGE
If he chooses to let go and ejaculate, encourage him to breathe deeply during the orgasm. It will blow his mind, especially if he has come close and held back at least SIX times before ejaculating. Holding back six times charges up the sexual battery with tremendous energy. It is then his choice as to where he wants to send this energy – out with their ejaculate (the prevailing paradigm) or inward for other uses (men who master ejaculation are able to channel this energy into other areas of their being).
When he feels complete with the massage gently remove your hands and allow him to lie there quietly. You may want to snuggle up together or you can leave the room and let him drift off into a meditative state. Allow him to fully experience his childlike innocence and magnificent male beauty.
www.rahoorkhuit.net/library/yoga/tantra/techniques/lingam_massage.html
The Sanskrit word for the male sexual organ is Lingam (pronounced LING-AHM, [LING rhymes with sing]) and is loosely translated as “Wand of Light.” It’s meaning is different in intention from the typical Western view of the penis (i.e., Cock, Prick, Dong, Dick, etc., words that may come from a limited perspective, depending on the intent of their usage). In Tantra/Sacred Sexuality, the Lingam is respectfully viewed and honored, a “Wand of Light” that channels creative energy and pleasure.
The purpose of the Lingam Massage is to create a space the receiver to relax, and receive expanded pleasure from his Lingam. His partner (the giver) experiences the joy of facilitating and witnessing the man surrendering to his softer, gentler side. The Lingam Massage can be used as a form of safer sex (when latex gloves are used) and is an excellent process to build trust and intimacy. It is often used to help men heal from negative sexual conditioning and trauma.
Orgasm is not the goal of the Lingam massage although it is often a pleasant and welcome side effect. The goal is to massage the Lingam, also including testicles, perineum and Sacred Spot (the equivalent to the female G-spot), and allow the man to surrender to a form of pleasure he may not be used to. From this perspective both receiver and giver relax into the massage.
Men need to learn to RELAX and RECEIVE. Traditional sexual conditioning has the man in a doing and goal oriented mode. The Lingam Massage allows the man to experience his softer, more receptive side and experience pleasure from a non-traditional perspective.
PREPARATION:
Take a relaxing bath or shower. Take your time and breathe deeply. Conscious, relaxed breathing will take you out of your mental process and will get you more into your feelings. Relax your belly and let go of the tension that most of us hold there.
Go to the bathroom before beginning the massage. The best results occur when the bowels and bladder are empty.
Let go of your thoughts and connect with your partner through hugging, holding, eye gazing (looking into each other’s eyes for an extended time), bringing both of you to a place of relaxation and trust.
PROCEDURE:
Have the receiver lie on his back with pillows under his head so he can look up at his partner (giver). Place a pillow, covered with a towel, under his hips. His legs are to be spread apart with the knees slightly bent (pillows or cushions under the knees will also help) and his genitals clearly exposed for the massage.
The giver sits cross-legged between the receivers’ legs.
Before contacting the body, begin with deep, relaxed breathing. Gently massage the legs, abdomen, thighs, chest, nipples, etc., to get the receiver to relax. Remind the receiver to breathe deeply and to sink deeper into relaxation.
Pour a small quantity of a high-quality oil (or water-based lubricant when using latex gloves) on the shaft of the Lingam and testicles. Begin gently massaging the testicles, taking care to not cause pain in this sensitive area. Massage the scrotum gently, causing it to relax. Massage the area above the Lingam, on the pubic bone. Massage the Perineum, the area between the testicles and anus. Take your time. You are giving a massage to an often neglected area of the body.
Massage the shaft of the Lingam. Vary the speed and pressure. Gently squeeze the Lingam at the base with your right hand, pull UP and slide off and then alternate with your left hand. Take your time doing this, right, left, right, left, etc. Then, change the direction by starting the squeeze at the head of the Lingam/penis and then sliding DOWN and off. Again, alternate with right and left hands.
Massage the head of the Lingam as if you are using an orange juicer. Massage all around the head and shaft. In Tantra there are many nerve endings on the Lingam that correspond to other parts of the body. It is said many ailments can be cured by receiving a good Lingam Massage.
NOTE: The Lingam may or may not go soft as you perform this technique. Do not worry if it doesn’t get hard again. You will probably find that it will get hard, then go soft, get hard again, etc., which is a highly desirable Tantric experience, like riding a wave, bobbing up and down. Hardness and Softness are two ends of the pleasure spectrum.
If it appears that the receiver is going to ejaculate, back off, allowing the Lingam to soften a little before resuming the massage. Do this several times, coming close to ejaculation, and then backing off. Remember, the goal is not orgasm in and of itself. Men can learn the art of ejaculatory mastery and control by coming close to ejaculation and then backing off on the stimulation. Deep breathing is key here and will soften the urge to ejaculate. Eventually ejaculatory mastery will allow you to make love as long as you want and you can become multi-orgasmic without losing a drop of semen.
Orgasm and ejaculation are two different responses that you can learn to separate. The result is a very expanded sex life.
Find and massage the male Sacred Spot. There are two ways to do this.
One is by finding the spot midway between the testicles and anus. There is a small indentation about the size of a pea or maybe larger. Be gentle and push inward. He will feel the pressure deep inside and it may be intensely painful at first. Eventually, as this area is worked on and softened, he will be able to expand his orgasms and master ejaculatory control. You can massage his Lingam with your right hand and massage his Sacred Spot with your left hand. Try pushing in on this spot when he nears ejaculation. It is aptly named the Million Dollar Point in Taoism.
The other way to access the Sacred Spot is through the anus. Many men, especially heterosexual men, are uncomfortable at first as a result of negative sexual conditioning. Be careful here and use lubrication. The key is to go slow and be very gentle. Make sure he is breathing as you slip a finger from your left hand into the anus about an inch or so. Then crook the finger back in a “come here” gesture. You will feel the prostate gland. Vary the pressure and speed of massage. He may want stimulation of the Lingam as you massage the Sacred Spot. Back off on the Lingam as he approaches orgasm and increase the pressure on the Sacred Spot.
Sometimes the man may have strong emotions come up during access to the Sacred Spot. He may cry and remember a traumatic event from his past. You, the giver, are in a place of trust and intimacy. Allow him to feel his emotions and be very loving, not trying to console or fix him, just let him feel whatever he needs to. Encourage him to scream, cry, moan, sob, if it feels appropriate. Be the best friend and healer he could have in that moment.
ENDING THE MASSAGE
If he chooses to let go and ejaculate, encourage him to breathe deeply during the orgasm. It will blow his mind, especially if he has come close and held back at least SIX times before ejaculating. Holding back six times charges up the sexual battery with tremendous energy. It is then his choice as to where he wants to send this energy – out with their ejaculate (the prevailing paradigm) or inward for other uses (men who master ejaculation are able to channel this energy into other areas of their being).
When he feels complete with the massage gently remove your hands and allow him to lie there quietly. You may want to snuggle up together or you can leave the room and let him drift off into a meditative state. Allow him to fully experience his childlike innocence and magnificent male beauty.
www.rahoorkhuit.net/library/yoga/tantra/techniques/lingam_massage.html
Castity
Why is it hot?
Those that enjoy chastity enjoy that feeling that comes from being horned up. There is an energy to that sexual feeling that can be very gratifying. I find that I reach my peek of sexual frustration around two weeks and I become more interested in pleasing another man as it builds. There is some sexual release in physical contact and helping someone else get off. My submission comes to a head when I’m on edge. I reached out to Altairboy from Altairboy’s Chastity Site, an excellent and comprehensive resource on chastity, for his perspective and he agreed by saying:
“Without a willing partner in the chastity "play” the whole exercise would be sorely lacking. I mean, honestly, where is the fun in solo play?“Those Doms reading this should take note, you can keep a boy locked in chastity much longer if you see him from time to time and require more than simply being locked. There is more responsibility to being a key-holder than simply holding the key. Some people seek out "cyber key-holders,” and get their stimulation through web cams or simple lack of access to their “junk,” but it’s never the same as having a key-holder you see regularly. It’s the Dom’s job to torment, stimulate, and ramp up the sexual frustration as high as possible. If the Dom allows the locked boy to serve him/her regularly the sky can be the limit. That service doesn’t need to be physical. Making the boy keep himself shaved, cut his hair the way you like, do your laundry, clean your house, watch porn, chat with guys on sex sites, or even requiring him to hook up with no release can all be very exciting. The boy is far less likely to cheat and figure out how to get off while in chastity or remove the device without your permission if he knows that you are part of the process.
If you want to go for long term chastity you must keep in mind that occasional prostate milking might be necessary. I’m fortunate in that excess semen comes out when I pee after a while, but the prostate does need to drain itself from time to time. Done correctly, milking isn’t the same as an orgasm, everything just kinda globs out. The chastity device doesn’t even need to be removed first. This does however temporarily reduce the sexual frustration, which makes building it back up all the better.
Choosing a Device
There are three basic types of chastity devices. All devices have their advantages and disadvantages. At the end of the day the wearer and key-holder have to decide what their chastity goal is.
Ball-Capture Devices
These devices work by trapping the penis in a tube and are held in place by holding the balls between a ring and the penis tube. This style was made popular by the cb-2000 and subsequent models from cb-x.com. They can be made of plastic, metal, silicone, or leather. None of these devices are foolproof, but they do have the advantage of long term comfort, easier hygiene and relative invisibility under clothing. Proper sizing is a necessity when putting one of these devices on. Most have different options with rings and tube size, so measuring is a must.
“Traditional” Metal Belts
Metal belts are the mac daddy of chastity. These devices can be worn indefinitely with fewer comfort concerns. The down side is that they are expensive, difficult to properly adjust to the wearers anatomy, and not conducive to an active lifestyle. Most chastity subs dream of owning one of these devices some day. There are many instances of these devices being worn for months at a time without interruption. Hybrid versions of these devices have merged the metal belt with a plastic device with limited results. Despite the downsides, these devices are the best option for long term chastity.
“Play” Chastity Devices
Possibly the hottest category to look at and try on. These devices come in leather, metal, and rubber. They are rarely functional for long term wear, but great for extended play sessions. Mr. S has an extensive collection of these devices to look at and lust after. Unlike the other two categories, these devices can’t always be worn under clothing, make going to the bathroom difficult or impossible, and can be made of materials that don’t work for daily wear. These limitations don’t diminish how hot these devices can be. Their relative short term comfort make them perfect to play in.
Daily Wear
Chastity Subs develop many systems for keeping their chastity experience as pleasant as possible. Cleanliness and comfort are the biggest issue for wearers of chastity devices. This advice is for wearers of ball-capture devices, as they are what I have the most experience with.
- LUBE, LUBE, LUBE! lubricant is your friend. It allows your penis to move up and down the tube as it tries to get hard and prevents the ring from hurting the underside of your balls. Apply it regularly especially at night. I’ve always used silicone based lube, but I’ve heard good things about mineral oil. Do not use water based lubes, they won’t last long enough.
- Older cb-3000 models comes with a hinged rings. Thankfully this has been corrected with newer models. If you have a 3000 you’ve never been able to do more than a day or two in, do yourself a favor and get your hands on a set of cb-2000 rings. They will make the whole experience MUCH BETTER.
- Air holes make cleaning easier, but over time they become an issue. Sensitive flesh pops out and gets pinched. Save yourself the hassle and put a small piece of medical tape over the holes each morning. You can easily remove it to clean out and it saves the embarrassment of getting pinched while in public and not being able to address it.
- Q-tips are your friends. Carry some with you all the time. They can help apply more lubricant inside your tube, clean out disgusting dried gunk after your hornyness has resulted in constant pre-cum, and adjust your sensitive bits if things end up where they shouldn’t be.
- Buy a shower shot or something like it. Before I had one of these I used to lie on my back and scooch up to the bath faucet to get water inside my cage to rinse out. Now I can just spray out. It’s much higher pressure and feels amazing, though with no release.
Related Fetishes
Chastity pairs with several other fetishes very well. Some mundane, relatively speaking, and some extreme. I may explore some of these fetishes in more depth in the future, but for now I’m give an overview and send you to some great resources.
- Cuckolding: Do you get jealous? What if you could channel that jealousy into sexual gratification? Cucks or cuckolds get off by watching their partner have sex with someone else, or have their partner tell them about sex with other people. Cuckolding is more popular in strait kinky circles. Sometimes there is a D/s element, sometimes chastity is enforced, but the idea is that they are “less than” the one who is having sexual access to their partner.
- Forced Feminization: Like cuckolding, forced feminization is more popular with strait people. The idea is that a man can be reduced by being “forced” to dress or act like a woman. It’s common to see a man in panties, hose and garters while also locked in chastity. It all plays into a symbolic removal of his manhood and an expectation that he focus on his partner’s sexual needs before his own.
- Castration: Nothing makes a man squirm more than the thought of something happening to his junk. Most would be surprised that castration is a common fetish. Men can be focused on the scene which results in the removal of their testicles or the realities of living life afterwards. The castrated male will see an immediate drop in his sex drive, weight gain, and other physical side effects unless he opts to take replacement hormones. Humiliation and a desire to serve without distraction is often a factor for subs.
What's a Gloryhole? and what’s the etiquette at one?
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