Your sub must know that you are going to enforce your training 100% of the time. Not 90%, not 98%, but 100% of the time. Threats do nothing but teach him he can get away with it next time.
Of course, if he did not know what you wanted, you should not punish him for your own lack of communication–admit your mistake, communicate it clearly, and move on. Subs aren’t mind-readers! If he exhibits a behavior you dislike, but you had not mentioned it before, simply stop whatever you are doing, tell him you dislike the behavior and why, and clearly tell him what behavior you want and expect instead.
But what if your sub did know the expectation, but he forgot–or, more likely, was testing you? Then you should punish him. Punishment must be tailored to fit the slave. For example, whipping a slave who enjoys pain is not going to be an effective deterrent next time. Also, calling names or losing your temper is just going to make you look out of control and devestate your slave. Be calm and in control; tell your sub clearly what he did wrong, what the punishment will be, and then enact it. This can be anything from removing positive pleasures (orgasm, computer, car, tv, music, phone, etc.) to enforcing negative ones (whipping, standing in corner, bondage, sitting without talking for a certain amount of time, being shut in a closet alone to think about his behavior).
Please remember that punishments should make the bad behavior less desirable in the future–not to damage your sub or hurt his feelings. Many people go too far with punishments, meting out consequences that are too severe for the transgression. Tell him clearly beforehand how long the punishment will last.
A word of caution: if your sub has been abused before, be very careful with punishments. Make sure not to withdraw love as a punishment, because that only teaches the sub that he has to be perfect and not fail to earn your love. You never want your sub to feel your love is conditional! Denying sex, orgasm, quality time, cuddling, or ignoring your sub may work quite fine with someone who has never been abused, but will just teach an abuse victim that your love is conditional. The point of punishment is to be negative, but not devestating or abusive, and you must know your sub to see the difference. Ask yourself, are you correcting a behavior or are you wounding a soul? If your sub is a victim of past abuse, I recommend sitting down and discussing acceptable and nonacceptable punishments for him before you begin training.
Don’t act angry when you punish your sub—he needs to know this is for his own good, not because you hate him or are angry with him. Remind him you love him and want the best for him, and that is why you give him consequences.
Many times, you can give your sub a choice. If he is creative and knows himself well, simply ask what he believes is a fair consequence. Discuss it together, and mutually agree on a consequence. If he has no ideas, you might try giving him a few options to choose from. Say, “You know better than that behavior, because we discussed it. Now you have to have a consequence. Would you rather write me a letter apologizing and explaining what you did wrong and what you will do better next time, or stand in the corner with your nose holding a ping-pong ball for 20 minutes?” This allows the sub to have some choice in his punishment, and you can avoid unwittingly pushing a button that triggers past abuse.
Ideas for punishments are:
- bondage (be sure not in a tight position, and check regularly to feel his circulation)
- whipping, paddling, or flogging
- writing you a letter stating what he did wrong, how it made you feel, and how he will fix it next time
- writing “I will not ________” so many times by hand
- taking away him computer, phone, or car for a set amount of time
- making him clean, scrub the floor, or some chore he dislikes
- forcing him to perform a sexual act for you that you know he dislikes
- make him exercise (you can do it with him)
- give him healthy foods he doesn’t like
- tie him to the bed and leave him there for a set time (check on him often!)
- verbally chastise him, telling him exactly what he did wrong
- make him stand against the wall, holding a ping pong to the wall with his nose
- make him stand in the corner
- tie him up like a dog and force him to urinate on a tile floor (or in a bowl) like a dog, then clean it up
- make him eat his meal off the floor with his hands or mouth
- needle play
- forced anal dildo or anal beads
- put a speculum in his ass
- put nipple clamps on him and yank him around
Any parent can tell you that sometimes a long discussion about “choices” will deter a behavior just as well or better than physical forms of punishment. With animals, we have to physically punish them because we cannot speak to them; with your sub and other people, a conversation can do wonders!
Before or after your punish your sub, you must just want to have a conversation with him. Why is he doing this behavior? What triggered it? How is he feeling? What was he hoping to achieve? Does he realize it was wrong? Is he sorry? How can he make it up to you? How will he ensure the same mistake doesn’t happen again in the future?
Often, subs are disobeying for many reasons. You may find he did not understand what you wanted. Perhaps he simply forgot part of his training because he was concentrating on something else (like sex!). If he did do it on purpose, there could be a multitude of reasons. Psychologically, there are many reasons subs resist change:
- he feels threatened by change
- you are challenging his core beliefs, values, or ideas
- it feels strange and alien to try this new lifestyle, actions, and thoughts
- he does not fully trust you
- he is afraid he will get hurt
- he thinks you may not be able to handle training and controlling him
- he does not see the point of this training or how it will benefit him
- he resists giving up his freedom to you
- he resents his loss of choice/freedom
- his individuality feels threatened
bdsm-sexperts.blogspot.gr/2009/01/using-punishments-in-sub-training.html
