The standard medical definitions are less than helpful: Primary premature ejaculation (PPE) “can be characterized by early ejaculation within one minute following [the onset of] intercourse.” (WebMD and other sources)
What they call “Secondary PE” (SPE) is just coming before your partner wants you to, an obviously open-ended relative definition that is almost meaningless, since it depends more on your partner than on you.
Now to the question you actually asked: how can you last longer?
If you genuinely come quickly, and not just by legendary standards, the reasons may include:- Youth: Young guys generally have more trouble than older ones.
- Inexperience: As sex becomes more routine, it is less exciting.
- Tension and anxiety: And thus being anxious about PE becomes a self-reinforcing problem.
- Shyness and lack of confidence: This may be true because it increases anxiety.
- ED: Men who are worried about losing their erections seem to be more likely to rush things.
- Genetics and temperament: Some people are just physically more sensitive, and intense excitable people may have more trouble.
- Bad masturbation habits: A lifelong habit of rapid, high intensity masturbation may pattern the brain for quick orgasm.
- Bad technique: For example, fast, hard thrusting, especially without any pauses, will provide intense stimulation for the man.
- Time since last ejaculation: Shorter is better.
If he doesn’t like giving BJs &/or handjobs, you can try masturbating once or even twice before you get together or masturbate at the start of sex play.
The list of causes suggests some other things you can do. Strengthening your PC muscles with kegel exercises is one of the simplest ways to improve not only your ejaculatory control, but your overall sexual performance.
Studies have shown they [kegel exercises] help improve the strength of your erection, circulation and have been used for decades as a standard technique with erectile dysfunction concerns. Kegels have also been shown in studies to be effective for many men who struggle with premature ejaculation. In addition, strong PC muscles have been associated with stronger, more intense ejaculations.
The captions in the diagram below are misleading, but the diagram does show the approximate change in angle between a penis “at the ready” and one during the moment of ejaculation if the man has strong kegel muscles.
Meditation and relaxation techniques
Learning to meditate can help a great deal with anxiety and nervousness. I highly recommend mindfulness meditation because learning it can also play an important role in the extended arousal play of tantric sex, should you choose to experiment in that direction.You should also learn to be conscious of your muscle tension during sex. In many cases, guys will reflect their mental tension by tensing all of their muscles. Their backs and legs are rigid, so they can’t get into any kind of relaxed rhythm and they are expending a tremendous amount of energy.
If you find yourself doing that, you can learn to do a variety of deep breathing and relaxation techniques. This page at Dartmouth has a number of audio files that are really good at talking you through several different approaches:
Relaxation Downloads
I particularly urge you to learn progressive muscle relaxation. It is simply a process of first tensing and then relaxing all the major muscle groups in sequence. Once you’ve done it with the audio a few times, you can do it on your own along with your Kegels several times a day. After a few weeks, you will find that you are much more conscious of excess tension and how to avoid it, even during sex.Chemical help
Certain antidepressants can be helpful for delaying orgasm. There are also some sprays and creams and pretreated condoms that can help with physical sensitivity. Even Tylenol or Tramadol can help with sensitivity issues. See the info below, at the very end.Better technique
In the long run, however, you will want to solve the problem so you don’t have to rely on pills or sprays. Along with Kegels and relaxation techniques, the most basic improvement you can make is in your technique. In particular, learn to slow down during both masturbation and PiV sex. Not just a little bit slower. A lot slower.Compared with rapid pounding, using long, slow, deep strokes is much more effective. When you pull back, occasionally pause for a second and tease him with just the tip inside. (Give it a kegel flip if you can!)
For a change of pace, withdraw very slowly, pause, and then thrust rapidly. The long, slow withdrawal makes your penis feel longer and increases his anticipation of what comes next, making the rapid in-stroke all the more intense!
You can also experiment with different angles and positions. If a position allows it, try moving your pelvis sideways or in a circle when you are almost, but not completely, inserted. This will cause the shaft of your penis to press sideways on different parts of the entrance to the ass, the most sensitive part, while making the tip move around inside him, pressing against different parts of the ass wall.
At the same time, there is very little friction on your penis, so this is “rest and recovery time” for you. It can be a great way to get him caught up with you or a bit ahead.
Some men also find that their partners can reach orgasm faster and more effectively in the cowboy position. If he’s on top, he can control the angle and speed of insertion and withdrawal, and do the sideways or circling motion himself.
Stopping the orgasm
If none of these things work, there are several tried and true methods for stopping an orgasm from happening when you get close to it:- The Squeeze: Squeeze the blood out of the head of the penis for 30 seconds.
- The Tug: When the cremaster muscle pulls the testicles up against the base of the penis, tug the scrotum and testicles down again and away from the penis.
- The Push*: Like pushing out a bowel movement, but more gently.
- The Clench*: Clamp your PC (Kegel) muscles as hard as you can for 15-30 seconds.
- The Poke: Use the tips of your fingers to press hard on the spot in the middle of the perineum where you can feel a small depression. (NOT recommended!)
Full body massage: If you’re going to try the squeeze technique, I found from my interviews with tantric couples that it is actually more effective if he does this for you during what we call a lingam massage, a kind of full body sensual massage that ends with a deliberately extended genital massage with oral. His goal is to keep you aroused as long as he can without letting you go over the edge, while you remain completely passive and do a special kind of focused meditation. If you get too close, he can use the squeeze or tug techniques - or both! - to pull you back from the brink.
One big advantage of doing a full body massage as the intro to sex is that it calms and relaxes you at the same time it gradually arouses you. This helps you break the unconscious association between being sexually aroused and being tense and anxious. By remaining passive, consciously relaxing your muscles, and focusing internally on your sensations, you avoid tensing up, which helps delay your orgasm. So if you have the time and a willing partner, I strongly recommend it!
Even for guys with PE, have found that, with practice, they can keep their partners at full arousal for 30 minutes or longer, leading to some truly awesome full-body orgasms for the guys.
Multiple orgasms for men
There’s one other alternative to consider: learning to have “drygasms.” Young boys can have multiple orgasms without losing their erections. They only lose this ability when they reach semenarche and start to ejaculate, usually around 12 or 13, at which point most of them forget how to have orgasms without ejaculating. Some boys, however, learn to do both and continue to be able to control which kind of orgasm they want to have.With effort and training, men can relearn how to do this. The advantage is that you can have as many dry orgasms as you want, and then finish with a regular orgasm when you are ready to stop.
www.quora.com/How-can-guys-last-longer-during-sex
