a) Preface
I really like this question’s intro because it spotlights all the uneasiness many men have with their manhoodness. Prostate massage isn’t a gay thing, you see. Not at all. Prostate massage is a male thing. The confusion’s origin is easy to understand, but should corrected also. By the simple fact of not being run-off-the-mill heterosexuals, gays have to accept very early the fact that they do not fit the Norm. While this is difficult — and most of us have painful teen years memories to attest this — it also have upsides : freed from the Norm, gays can explore their sexuality without fear.
Gays don’t have to be afraid to lose a label they’ve already lost anyway, and this allows them to explore every facet of their sexuality without restriction. Not having to deal with the Norm, gays can live their maleness to the fullest, unbridled. This results in many non standard approaches to sexual stimulation, including (of course) prostatic stimulation. Unfortunately, these non-standard sexual approaches often do not fit the Norm. And society tends to be very strict about what a real man is. Deviate a little form the Norm and you are threatened to lose the sacrosanct Real Man label. In fact, it would seem that just thinking about deviating from the narrow path of the male Norm can be enough to threaten your status.
You can easily understand why, in this context, so many places are off-limits. Heck, even a prostate exam at the doctor’s office could be a dangerous threat to your Real Man label ! I’m being a little goofy, of course, but there is an unfortunate truth behind this. And this is really sad, especially for all these straight men who end up figuratively gagged and bound in their sexual life, never allowing themselves to explore, simply out of fear of not being a Real Man.
There is nothing in the male’s hardware that differentiates a gay male from a straight male (1). What this means of course is that if gay men have found parts of their body to be the source of pleasure, the same body parts are going to be pleasurable for straight men too, even if the Norm has decided that this body part is off limits.
What this means also is that the only difference between gays and straights is what turns them on. And that is what is so frightening for the ambivalent straight who doesn’t want to accept the fact. Since all types are being similar, enforcing off-limits body parts permits differentiation of the good straights from the evil gays (their words, not mine) because there’s no real way to tell otherwise.
Which brings us back to Anonymous’ question intro : “I’m not gay but I like prostate massage”. Rest assured, dear Anonymous, that liking prostate massage won’t make you gay. Yes you will deviate from the Norm, but if you are strong and confident enough, you’ll understand that, whatever the Norm wants you to believe, you will always be a Real Man
b) The question
Virtually all guys will find prostatic massage interesting. Some more than others, granted, but the dividing line does not follow the gay / straight categorization. Whatever their sexual preference, a fair percentage of men find prostatic massage arousing… once they stop being uptight about this possibility, of course.
Prostate stimulation is not dangerous in any way (unless you do something stupid like poking a sharp object into your behind, of course) and <em>cannot</em> lead to erection or any other sexual problems by itself. Prostate stimulation will not cause a decrease in your penis sensitivity nor will it affect negatively your ability to ejaculate. And in fact it could improve both. How ? Since prostate stimulation increases your sexual awareness, it may help you focus more on your sensations, and thus increase your perception of your penis. Since prostate massage stabilizes your prostate during ejaculation, more energy is available to propel semen out of your cock, and thus lead to more powerful ejaculation.
How does one stimulate the prostate ? You mention that you cannot tolerate big objects inside your anus and this is totally fine as you do not need to distend the anus to stimulate the prostate. You don’t >need to use a dildo. Yes you can, but you don’t need to.
Any thin, blunt object will do, as long as it is finger shaped. Good news then. The other good news is that the prostate is easily within reach (less than 7 cm from the anus) and the only thing you need to do to massage the prostate is to touch it with the tip of your finger.
1- First things first : where’s the prostate ?
The prostate is the small walnut-sized gland you see at the tip of the finger. As I said earlier but worth noting again, is the fact that the prostate is very accessible : you can see that the finger isn’t very deep inside the rectum… The prostate is just outside the rectum wall, so you will touch it through the rectal wall, never directly. When you are lying on your back, the prostate is towards your cock, not towards your back…
2- What does the prostate feel like ?
The prostate is made of two lobes, at least when approached from the rectum, so you will feel a groove in the centre, with an ovoid bump on each side.
For a young man, the prostate is walnut-sized, but as men grow older, the prostate may enlarge too (causing voiding problems…) but this enlarged ping-pong-sized prostate is still normal. The prostate has a rubbery feel with a slight give, think of these erasers to get the idea : The prostate has a smooth surface (aside from the groove) : if you feel a hard bump somewhere, get checked !!!
3- What to do?
It is strongly recommended to use some lube as the rectal mucosa (lining) is very sensitive and easily bruised.
Also, take the time to empty your bladder, at least the first few times, so that you’ll be at ease. The most widely available instrument is your finger. Insert you finger in your anus, and gently press and rub the prostate. At first, you may wish to try it without doing anything else, just to experiment the feeling first hand. When you do, you’ll feel a blurry sensation deep inside.
A mixture of unusual and more familiar feelings. You’ll feel as if you need to go pee : that feeling will become less present as you practice, but it will be the first impression you’ll have the first time you try… You’ll feel as if you were about to cum. You’ll also feel a blurry penile sensation that will somewhat remind you of your masturbation experience, but deeper in your body and less focussed. You may find it difficult to masturbate comfortably as you finger your prostate. Using a prostate massager may thus be easier. There are many available. The modern pioneer is the Aneros (item 90 in the drawing).
As you can see it has a slender neck, avoiding anal dilation, yet it widens as it reaches the prostate giving a nice prostatic massage. Items 95 and 96 are fulcrums that stabilize the finger, but also act as springs, pulling and pushing the finger as you move and as your anus and perineal muscles contract in response to your arousal. As a result actively massaging the prostate instead of creating a constant pressure. There are other variations. The Nexus Revo has a bigger base for those who like some anal dilation, and the prostatic finger vibrates too.
All in all, prostatic stimulation deserves to be tried. Without prejudice and without fear : it won’t turn you into something you aren’t and it may allow you to improve who you are. Hope this helps.
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