Of course, one of the big issues for gay men having anal sex for the first time is whether they see themselves as “active” or “passive”. In other words, what sex position do you take? Top or bottom? And what does that say about your masculinity?
There’s an image of the active, masculine, man as being the one who fucks the passive, less masculine, man during gay anal sex - but in reality, both partners are active to some degree. The man taking his partner’s penis is capable of thrusting his hips, moving his pelvis and enjoying the sex just as much as the man who’s doing the penile thrusting. More recently, gay men having sex have been called the “top” (the one doing the penetration) and the “bottom” (the one being penetrated). This is better terminology, but it can get confusing if the bottom is, for example, sitting in his partner’s lap, since you might argue he was then on top! If you’re confused, don’t worry - all will become clear. In fact it’s probably time to abandon the notion of active and passive sex positions, and think of one’s own sexual position as something that can change from time to time.
If you’re new to anal sex, the first thing to do is get comfortable with your own anus. You can wash it, lube it up with oil or sex lubricant and gently caress and finger it during masturbation: this will begin to open you up to the erotic possibilities of the area, and get you used to the feeling of being penetrated - albeit by your own finger. Next, ask your partner to play with your anus as you enjoy mutual masturbation. The idea, of course, is to learn in steps, and not to expect to know or do everything at once; the basic idea of anal sex is simple, even if you’ll need to experiment with the actual sex positions you’re going to use. And as you go along, you’ll also find out what sex itself - and interacting with someone else in this most intimate way - means to you, and what it tells you about yourself.
As far as anal sex positions are concerned, you’ll probably want to try both roles - that of penetrator and that of being penetrated. You might find one more rewarding or pleasurable for you, or you might like both.
The First Group of Sex Positions
The basic sex positions for anal intercourse are simple enough. Possibly the most common position is to have one partner kneeling behind the other.
In these anal sex positions, passion and power can really take a hold. It’s certainly a very exciting position for the man who’s thrusting, and he can often get carried away in his excitement! And the excitement isn’t limited to the man on top, for the bottom man - that is to say, the man taking his partner’s penis - can thrust his hips back and forth or move them in a circular movement: he certainly doesn’t have to be passive in this sex position - or indeed in any other. Generally, though, most of the pelvic movement will come from the man who’s penetrating his partner - and this may actually be more satisfying for both men. The active partner - the top - enjoys the power and sensation of his thrusts, while the passive partner - the bottom - gets the pleasure of receiving a penis into his body and the erotic sensations which go with this (like the stimulation of his prostate).
Even though all anal sex positions will provide some stimulation to the prostate, you won’t be surprised to hear that some are better than others for this - and to some extent this depends on the size and shape of the top’s penis. What that means in practice is that you’ll probably need to experiment to find the position which gives you the greatest pleasure during anal sex.
For example, a guy with an upwards curving erection like this:
It’s also true that some anal sex positions are more tiring than others, so you’re going to find that you can keep going in some of them for longer than you can in others. Still, changing position during sex can be part of the fun.
Sexual Problems You May EncounterJust a word about common sexual problems. Gay men are no less susceptible to the common male sexual dysfunctions than are heterosexual men: premature ejaculation, male orgasmic disorder - otherwise known as delayed ejaculation - and erectile dysfunction. You probably know what is meant by premature ejaculation - it’s the tendency of men to ejaculate too quickly as defined by the fact that neither they not their partner has received the sexual satisfaction which they would wish for. We have constructed an information resource with a self help treatment program which should help to alleviate some of the difficulties associated with rapid ejaculation.
The Second Group of Sex Positions
Maybe the most enjoyable position for men who are in a relationship is the classic “missionary” position. This is where the partners lie on each other facing each other. It’s an intimate position that allows eye contact and a lot of bodily contact during sex.As you might expect, there are many different variations on the basic position - a few of which are shown in the pictures below. The challenge for the man on top will be supporting his weight on his arms as he fucks his partner, though the “edge of the bed” sex position shown below can help with that, and it’s also a position which gives him the pleasure of seeing his penis entering and leaving his partner’s body as he thrusts.
Being uninhibited is a great help here, of course. If you’re hung up over the size of your cock, for example, or on positions of sexual politics (e.g., what does it mean if you let someone fuck you?), or around potential hygiene problems, then you’re going to have a lower level of sexual arousal - and probably satisfaction - than you otherwise would.
The moment of first penetration can be incredibly exciting for both partners, but for a novice receiver it needs to be done very slowly, so that his anus can relax as his partner slowly moves in. It’s often a good idea for the penetrating partner to push the head of his penis in a little way, then withdraw, then push in again.
This allows the receiver to get used to the idea of being penetrated, and still allows him some sense of being in control. Needless to say, if it’s uncomfortable for either partner, you should stop and talk about it, and perhaps try another sex position.
Kissing and intimate contact with your partner is a very enjoyable source of pleasure during sex, but remember that you may also need to communicate! Good sex sometimes just flows naturally out of each partner’s desire, but more often it works better when the two men communicate, telling each other what they like and don’t like, asking for help if they need it (like when you’re trying to get your penis into your partner, you can always ask him for help guiding it in), saying what position they want to try, and making a joke or laughing about anything that’s not going so well.
And by bracing himself as shown in the second photo above, the top can gain extra leverage and thrust harder, which may make their sex even more exciting for both men.
The third group of sex positions - sitting and squatting sex positions
As you can see from the pictures above, there are almost unlimited variations of how you can arrange your legs and bodies in these sex positions. Playing around with sex positions is half the fun - getting stuck in a routine of having sex in just one position can be very boring! Novelty is a large part of sexual excitement for men, and trying different sex positions can keep your relationship fresh.
When the man on top faces his partner, he can lean forward to kiss; when he faces away, his partner can enjoy the sight of his buttocks. The man lying on the bed has limited movement, though if the man on top raises himself on his knees slightly, it is possible to enjoy some thrusting.
The sex position pictured in the first of the images above is hard to achieve unless the man kneeling is flexible and/or he has a long penis. It may also need the bottom’s hips to be raised on a pillow so that his partner can gain easy access for intercourse. What’s more, the amount of movement he can make is limited, but he does have the pleasure of seeing the act of penetration. The second position is much more achievable for the majority of men, and it allows a degree of intimacy and kissing, while the third picture is probably best reserved for times when you feel particularly acrobatic while you’re having sex! The final picture shows a passionate, sexy position where hard thrusting is possible and in which both men can express their full sexual power.
If you or your partner are having trouble reaching orgasm during sex, with long periods of thrusting before you ejaculate, then you may be experiencing what is known as delayed ejaculation This means that you find it difficult if not impossible to ejaculate during sex.
Side by side sex positions
The side by side position is relaxing and easy. You start in the traditional missionary type position, then roll over onto your sides, still facing each other. It’s a relaxing position, you can kiss and talk, and look into each other’s eyes - great if you’re in a relationship - and you can also last a lot longer before you come. This means you can go for a simultaneous orgasm if you want, though it can be fun to watch your partner come, or to take turns with coming first. In this position, the guy doing the penetrating must extend his pelvis between the other’s bent legs. Deep penetration and vigorous thrusting are both possible.You can also lie side by side with one guy behind the other, both facing in the same direction. This position allows you to relax and you have your hands free to explore each other’s bodies. Also penile entry is easy and fairly deep, and the bottom guy doesn’t have to support his partner’s weight. You can also thrust vigorously during sex in this position.
The side by side sex position is a good one for intimate connection and both partners can move their hips. As in all gay anal sex, the longer it goes on, the more relaxed will be the receiving partner’s anus, so that deeper penetration and thrusting becomes progressively easier as sex goes on. But the real beauty of side by side sex for gay men is that they can connect emotionally. There’s something about reaching orgasm in this position which makes it feel more like a shared experience - and where the two partners are especially intimate, they can even have a sense of merging at the moment of orgasm.
And as in all sex, it’s important that the man on top, riding his partner’s penis, does it primarily to pleasure himself. Sex isn’t just about pleasuring your partner: you need to be assertive enough to take pleasure in a selfish way from time to time, safe in the assumption that when you are turned on, your partner will find sex more arousing and will enjoy himself even more.
During missionary position sex, the bottom can help his partner get into him by raising his own knees and legs, holding his knees close to his chest, allowing his partner full access to his buttocks and anus: during sex, he can move his legs and knees into a variety of positions, and raise or lower his hips to give his partner variations in the depth of penetration; his partner, by contrast, can vary the speed and depth to which he thrusts, so as to tease and tantalise the bottom.
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