I was one of the guys who checked his Grindr no less than a dozen times a day. Every time I was waiting at the bus stop, used the restroom, lied down, or wanted to take a break from work.
Needless to say, it consumed my life.
Don’t get me wrong, it definitely had its perks. I’ve made some great friends and dated some cool guys I met through Grindr. Not to mention I’ve had a number of fun and insane sexual encounters. Grindr definitely scratches that itch.
When I’ve had a bad day at work and am in a crumby mood, it’s nice to have a quick bone to get the stress and BS from the day out of my system.
But more often that not, Grindr was a waste of time. I’d message guys back and forth forever, never meeting up. Or a guy would say he’s coming over and then completely flake. Or a guy would comment on my body or block me.
And truthfully, most of the sexual counters were meh. The guys didn’t look like their profile pic or they would just lie there while I did all the work. Half of the time I didn’t’ want to sleep with them when they got to my door, but figured Whatever, they’re already here.
Whenever I thought about deleting the app, I’d say to myself, let me do one last final hurrah. Of course, then the guy would be super-hot, friendly, and the experience would be amazing. It’s like Grindr knew I was about to quit, so it purposefully put its best man forward.
Finally, though, after hitting Grindr rock bottom, I decided I needed to delete the app. This time, for good. Not like all those others times I deleted the app after a painful encounter, only to re-download it drunk four days later.
Here was the straw that finally broke the camel’s back:
I had gotten off from my bartending shift early for the first time in a couple of weeks. I finally had a free night to myself. Both my housemates were on dates, one with his long-term boyfriend, the other with this guy he’d only been on a few dates with, but really liked.
I hopped on Grindr and spent about three hours trying to get a guy to come over. Finally this one guy came. He looked NOTHING like his photos. He had teeth in places there shouldn’t be teeth. He was probably more than a foot shorter than me.
The six-pack in his photos were nowhere to be found. Simply put, he was ugly. I’m sorry to say it so point blank, but that’s the hard truth.
He was also incredibly awkward. I ended up having mediocre sex with him and purposefully finished quickly because I didn’t want to keep going. The whole time, I could hear my housemate with his boyfriend giggling and laughing through the walls. They were actually having a real, meaningful connection.
When he finally left, I knew I was done with the app. I had spent the one free night I had in weeks messaging for a guy to come over, only to have bad sex for seven minutes with him, which led me to feel terrible about myself. All the while, both my housemates were having meaningful connections with other guys and actually having good sex.
So, I deleted it. This time for good. Sure, the experience in itself wasn’t that bad, and I’ve definitely had isolated Grindr experiences that were worse, but this time, it just hit me harder than it usually did.
Now, after three years of using the app incessantly, I’ve finally deleted my Grindr. I was shocked how much better my life has become.
First off, I have SO much more free time. You don’t realize how long it takes messaging guys back and forth all day. You don’t realize that you actually just spent two hours lying in bed doing nothing but sending dick pics.
Second, it’s forced me to meet guys in real life and to be more sexually aggressive. When I had a Grindr and went out trying to meet guys, in the back of my mind, I knew that if I don’t talk to anyone there, it’s okay, because I can always have a guy come over from Grindr after.
But when that isn’t an option, and the only way you’re going to meet people (and get laid) is by talking to them and being flirty, then that’s what you do. I’ve become so much better at meeting people in real life since I’ve been off Grindr, and it’s literally only been a month.
Third, your life isn’t consumed by casual encounters and sex. If it sounds like I’m slut-shaming here, I’m really not. Trust me, I’m one of the biggest sluts you’ll ever meet. But it’s nice when you feel like you have more of a grip on your sexual encounters.
You’re doing it for you and because you want to, not simply because you’re bored, had a bad day, or want to feel validated through a quick sexual fling.
So, all in all, it’s been pretty good. That said, there are definitely times when I get horny and wish I could have an easy bone, but those times, I just fire up the laptop, turn on some p*rn and get down to business.
I always read those articles about guys who quit Grindr (and all other hook up apps) and talk about how their life got better. I never believed them, until I reached Grindr rock bottom, and felt a compelling urge to quit for good.
I can’t say I’ll never go back to it, but I will say, if I do eventually go back to using Grindr, it won’t be for a long time.
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