First: Make it clear that the first and only priority is for them to feel good. There should be no reason for performance anxiety. If things don't reach any particular point, but the bottom has a good experience, that is just fine. It is better to make kess headway than to push and scare the bottom from trying again. Sometimes it takes several…or many attempts. So be it! A bottom should never put up with any pain! You can always go more slowly
Second: Impress the bottom with the fact that it is their responsibility to pull, not yours to push. You will only give them what they desire. Maintain a gentle pressure, but never force anything.
Third: Make it clear that 'stop' means stop in place, and 'out' means that you will slowly withdraw. Expect a bottom to test you.
Fourth: Be caring, sensitive, and always keep your word.
What kind of reactions do guys normally have after being fisted?
They are usually too overwhelmed to move for a couple of minutes. Sometimes they will quiver or even tremble for a minute or two. These signs usually mean all goes well. Often they will express gratefulness to the top. They may register an immediate need to use the bathroom. Afterwards, the butt is often said to feel like it is 'purring'.
There is sometimes some soreness. This could mean that the bottom put up with more than would have been well advised.
Does it make a difference which hand you use?
It does to some people, who swear they have a left-handed or right-handed butt. Of course you will have to switch hands if you turn the bottom upside down. Most people just use their stronger hand unless requested otherwise.
Does the size of one's hand make a difference?
Yes, it does! A small hand can usually navigate more easily. A small hand that can compress down to nothing is a benefit. But the size will never be as important as the sensitivity the top has to the needs and subtle internal instructions of the bottom. Some experienced bottoms prefer large hands.
How is the prostate effected during fisting?
For men, the prostate gland, located about two to three inches into the anus, is a major source of pleasure in rectal penetration. This organ responds beautifully to massage and encourages orgasm. For this reason, it may need to be avoided in some men, so that orgasm does not happen too quickly. You will have to learn from the bottom whether this is the case. Some men will draw you in deeply and discourage you from coming too far out, knowing that massage on the prostate will lead to orgasm and possibly the end of the session.
Most men love to have their prostate played with at some time or other. It grows harder as the bottom approaches orgasm, and deflates on arrival. It should always be rubbed and never poked. Often, if a man on the bottom cannot handle your entire hand, he may still be able to enjoy your fingertips massaging this gland. Rub deeply between the ridges and watch him go wild.
It is believed that men whose prostate glands are gently massaged are less likely to have prostate problems in their later years.
Does fisting encourage hemorrhoids?
Quite to the contrary, most people who have learned to take a hand learn to relax this area and are less prone to hemorrhoids. Fisting bottoms are more at ease with enemas and are less likely than others to put up with constipation, a major cause of this condition.
Do people really stuff each other with fruits, vegetables and other foods?
Yes, they do! People are always searching for variety. Peeled bananas are perfect for this, so are completely cooled and shelled hard boiled eggs. They aren't going to do the bottom any damage, and they feel good. It's always amazing to see how many of these will slip in. If you use any other produce or foods (i.e. eggplants, grapes, sausage, bologna, cucumbers, etc.) make sure they are perfectly smooth and that any possible pesticides have been washed off. Remember, what goes in will some out. Never put anything in you rectum that has edges, points, wires, or anything that can open up or get stuck. Reaching in to grab and pull this stuff out may or not be pleasant. Of course, always wash out before experimenting and make sure that items are well lubricated before entry.
Does a bottom reach orgasm while getting fisted?
If the bottom wishes to do so, yes. Many bottoms experience internal orgasms as significant as external ones. Some never reach an external orgasm and could care less. Some sometimes do. Some always do. Some reach orgasm as soon as you slip inside.
There are also some bottoms who will want you to keep going after they reach orgasm, or slip out, or slip out and go back in. Pay attention!
Should a bottom touch his genitals while being fisted?
Touching the genitals will normally tighten the sphincter. If the Top is not already inside, this will make it that much more difficult to enter. However, if the bottom is having trouble taking a hand, touching the genitals may just offer the relief of orgasm.
Once the Top is inside the first sphincter, the choice of touching the genitalia is a very personal one. Some bottoms like to remain aroused in this manner, some do not.
Is it unusual to have a desire to urinate when taking a hand?
This is very common, since the hand will very likely put pressure on the bladder from the inside. If it is at all fill, you'll want a chance to get up and empty it. Since an enema will often lead to water in the bladder, it is a good idea to do this a few hours before you begin to play.
There are some bottoms who find pleasure urinating through the entire process. Hopefully the Top will be prepared with a towel, or just go with the joy of the bottom
Is 69 handball possible?
Possible? Yes. But difficult and very rarely satisfying because it is difficult to concentrate on your own needs and that of your partner at the same time. Also, the logistics are such that no matter what position you use, you will not have much latitude for creativity. The same goes for daisy chains where a number of people are simultaneously plugged into each other. It works, but it rarely works well, though the idea certainly inspires the imagination.
What are the possibilities of fisting two people at the same time?
This creates a real challenge in concentration, but it can be a magnificent sharing experience. In order to be successful, the top needs to focus into the energies of both bottoms and coax them into syncronization. This is particularly difficult if the bottoms have a wide variation in experience and internal structure.
It is hard to explain how romantic it can be to be plugged into the energy of a pair of lovers at the same time. It is like being plugged into their relationship. You can feel and touch the affection they have for each other. It is often a big thrill for the couple as well - especially if they can feel the exact sensation that their loved one is feeling at the same time. This is something that is nearly impossible to do without a skilled third party.
I have heard that vegetable shortening causes polyps in the intestinal tract. Is this true?
Some supposed doctor wrote this in the pages of 'Drummer' magazine many years ago. Nothing could be further from the truth. Vegetable shortening is food and naturally flushes through the colon. Another silly column spoke of a nerve that crosses the intestinal tract that could be damaged during fisting, but nobody seems to have heard of anyone hurt in this way, including physicians.
I have heard of people taking Mydol before handballing. Is it of any value?
Time was that fisters believed that Mydol would make 'taking it' easier and cut down on muscle cramps. Maybe it did, but it's worthless now. They have entirely changed the formula of the original to 'new original' with the same ingredients as Pamprin. Not only doesn't it help you relax, it includes a diuretic that will keep your bladder filling up - no help for you.
Some fisters are experimenting with Momentum, an over-the-counter medication for backache, and Q-vel, an over-the-counter medication for leg cramps. It may not help anything else, but we get enough leg cramps and sore backs that it won't be totally wasted. There are prescription back medications such as Robaxin and Soma that are being used to help bottoms relax. However, be warned of the hazards of using prescription drugs beyond the advice of your doctor.
A number of bottoms are using Nupercainal or Americaine hemmorhoidal and anesthetic ointments on their butts to extend play and cut down on soreness. They work, but be careful: you may be masking pain that could be a signal that you are getting hurt. Remember too that these ointments usually contain benzocaine, to which many people react badly. Tiger Balm has long been used for this purpose, but it burns before it numbs. Carmex, for cold sores, is gentler. Try a little of this on your butt before you begin. It's harmless and tingles so nicely.
Are there standards of etiquette, when invited over for fisting?
There certainly are! Think about it. It costs a lot of money to entertain: gloves, paper towels, chucks, lubricant, drinks, and munchies. It normally costs somewhere between $3.00 and $20.00 per person to entertain for the evening. No wonder so may people say "Let's go to your place."
So, don't be a freeloader. When invited to play, always bring something: at the very least you can bring a six-pack of your favorite beverage, your own lubricant, and maybe some paper towels. Perhaps you may have the chance to reciprocate, but it is usually the same people who do all the entertaining.
Be neat. If you wash out in someone else's home, be considerate enough to clean up after yourself. Rinse or scour the tub or shower stall, turn the shower nozzle back the way it was, rinse off the tip of the hose in the strongest cleaner you can find, and hang the hose back the way you found it.
When you're playing, be conscious where the grease goes and where you stick your greasy hands (please NOT on the walls). Chances are that someone will have to live in that room after you're finished. Listen for the house rules and respect them.
What about blood?
Blood is not necessarily the result of fisting, nor is it entirely uncommon. Some would say that fisting play should stop at the first sign of blood, but few experienced fisters follow this rule. If you are a Top and you notice blood on your hand or around the asshole, you should let your bottom know. For the most part, it's the bottoms decision whether to continue play or not. If, however, you are uncomfortable, then by all means, stop.
Generally, a little pink mixed in with the lube is a sign for caution - you may want to slow down to a less aggressive style of play. Noticeable quantities of bright red blood are a sign to stop.
If the bottom notices more than small amounts of blood in his stool more than a few hours after play, don't delay - get medical aid. Be honest about what has happened or you may get all kinds of incorrect or dangerous diagnoses.
How do I prepare if I want to fist someone?
There is only one thing you MUST do, and that's trim your fingernails. I'm not just talking a nice little manicure here, I'm talking cutting and filing your nails until virtually all of the white portion is gone and the edges are so smooth that you can't feel them on your naked cheek.
I start with a clipper and then finish off with a good file. Pay particular attention to the corners - it's easy to leave sharp edges there if you don't look closely.
That said, there are a few cautionary notes to offer. First off, concentrate on patience. Go slow! For the bottom it will feel like every movement you make in his ass is magnified tenfold. Often, after your hand makes the initial entry, it's a good idea to let it rest completely still for a few moments to let the bottom adjust. After that, make slow gentle movements and pay attention to the bottom - read his signals and increase the intensity as he seems ready, not before!
The second cautionary note regards sobriety. I'd be a hypocrite if I said you should never Top under the influence of drugs, so I won't, but, personally, I do think that being a Top requires a higher level of sobriety than being a bottom. It takes a great deal of sensitivity and attention to read a bottom and to be a good Top - drugs can get in the way of that. This is particularly true if you're a beginning Top and still learning the ropes.
Know your limits, and play within them!
What lubricants should be used for fisting?
Anything that's non-toxic, slippery, and doesn't dry out too quickly. There's a whole host of slippery substances that will do the trick. There are also a few to avoid. KY Jelly, Probe and other water-based sex-lubes are generally poor choices - they lack 'body' and tend to dry out over the length of a fisting session.
In North America there are generally two good choices that are popular: Crisco and J-Lube.
Crisco is still by far the most commonly used lube for fisting. Crisco is a brand name for vegetable shortening - it's cheap, easy to come by, and never looses it's slipperiness. While it is true that Crisco is a bad idea for cock-fucking because it breaks down the rubber of condoms, this isn't a problem for fisting for two reasons: first off, the rubber used in gloves is a lot heavier than that used in condoms. Second, a hand doesn't cum. The main disease agents that condoms protect from are found in sperm, and while hands can do many wondrous things in an ass, they don't cum.
J-Lube is a veterinary lubricant. Vets use it when they have to fist cows. It is also one of the strangest materials known to man. Some suspect it originated with technology left behind by some alien from outer space (just kidding). Seriously though, J-Lube is a stringy liquid or gel. It comes in a powder that is mixed with water (one package makes 8 gallons). Because of it's peculiar properties, the mixing and handling of J-Lube almost merits it's own FAQ. It's fairly inexpensive, easy to get, and stays slippery for a very long time.
Which lube you prefer is a very personal choice and they can be used together. Crisco is thicker, has more 'body', and is easier to handle. It's also a holy terror to clean up. J-Lube is thinner, slipperier, and easier to clean up, but can be kind of tricky to handle.
Where it's available, Crisco (or it's generic equivalent) is probably the best choice for beginners.
What should I do if I want to start getting my ass ready to take a fist?
No amount of cock fucking is going to get your ass ready for the ultimate joy of taking a fist. Where nature fails us, latex steps in.
When choosing your tools, start by considering what your ass can do now. If you can easily take a big cock, then you're probably ready for a dildo just a little larger than nature ever blessed a man with. If you're already playing easily with something in that size range, take a small step up.
In any case, slowly progress by playing with larger and larger dildos heading for a goal of one that's about 3 inches in width. When you can take a toy that size fairly easily, your ass is physically ready to take a fist.
Practice, practice, practice - the more you play, the faster you'll progress.
One note is probably in order here. While Crisco is a recommended for fisting, it is not a good choice for dildo play. Crisco eats latex and in the long run it will damage your toys. You may still choose to use it, but be prepared to replace your toys more often.
Is fisting part of S&M?
That's a tough one. SM is a wide ranging practice and can include many things - from whipping to housework. Fisting is one very specific act. The SM/Leather community contains a large number of fisters, but there are also a lot of people who practice fisting who would not count themselves as part of the SM/Leather community.
The argument has been made that a successful SM scene and a successful fisting scene require essentially different and incompatible mindsets. This is neither entirely true or entirely false. While the image of a man with his hand or arm deep inside another man's ass has powerful overtones of dominance, there are also those for whom it is a deeply spiritual practice.
What does a red hanky have to do with fisting?
In the leather/SM/kink community there is a tradition known as the Hanky Code. When out crusing for sex, colored hankies in the back pocket of one's jeans could be used to signal just what kind of sex one is looking for.
The code is extensive. The basics, however, are simple. The color indicates the act or fetish and the side it is worn on indicates an 'active' or 'passive' preference. The possibilities range from the common (navy blue for fucking) to the specialized. Bright red is the color for fisting, right side for bottoms, left side for tops.
Won't I get all 'stretched out'?
NO. You won't become incontinent and your ass won't become "too loose to fuck". These are common worries, but the experience of people who have practiced fisting contradicts it.
To understand why this isn't a worry, consider that the anal sphincters (the asshole) are rings of muscle. A bottom who can take a fist has done several things: primarily, he has learned to control these muscles (along with a host of others that are normally under only semi-conscious control). He has also stretched the muscles. He has not, however, destroyed the muscles. Consider a dancer who has done the same things with his leg muscles - learned control and relaxation as well as stretched and limbered them up. That dancer can still stand, right? Training a muscle to do new and sometimes extraordinary things generally doesn't interfere with it's function.
Fisting trains the bottom to control the sphincter muscles. The bottom learns how to relax and tighten and is less likely to loose control than others without this exercise.
How long does it take to learn to take a fist?
That depends on what your ass has done before. Starting from being able to accept something the size of a large cock in your ass can take minutes or years of steady play before you are ready to accept a hand inside. If you've played with larger toys, you're already partway there. Generally, if a person can take a dildo about 3 inches in width, their asshole is physically ready to take a fist. Now the mind may be another matter. It's different for everyone. Don't worry about the final destination, enjoy the ride!
Is it safe in terms of HIV and AIDS?
Common practice among fisters is to use rubber gloves on the top and separate supplies of lube for each bottom. This, combined with thorough washing by the top before and after each partner with a disinfectant soap can reduce the possibility of HIV transmission during fisting play to almost nonexistent.
You should always play safely and assume that all partners are HIV+. Take all necessary precautions, and make sure all equipment and supplies are cleaned between uses. Also, remember that latex condoms are not compatible with vegetable shortening or non-water based lubricants
Is it physically safe?
Yes, if it's done right. Again, the physical and mental preparation for both partners is very important. In the past, the danger of fisting has been greatly overstated. It is much like sky-diving or motorcycling: none of these are completely safe things to do, however, if you know what you are doing, the pleasure of the activity can far outweigh the risks.
The level of risk increases with the depth of play. Shallow play up to the wrist, with the hand in the rectum, is less dangerous than taking a whole arm to the elbow. To keep things in balance, it takes an experienced top and bottom to achieve that kind of depth.
Overindulgence in drugs, combined with fisting, can radically alter the equation of safety and is probably responsible for a number of injuries one hears about.
Doesn't it hurt?
Not if it's done right. If both the receptive partner (the bottom) and the insertive partner (the top) are well prepared both physically and mentally, there needn't be any pain at all. When new ground is being broken there will often be some low-level pain and many unfamiliar sensations. Part of the mental preparation for a bottom is learning to sort through these sensations and decide which are pleasurable and which are serious pain that must be interpreted as warnings from their body.
Is it really possible?
Most assuredly, yes. Possible and extremely pleasurable
What is Fisting or Handball?
Fisting, also known as Handball, is a very intense form of sex which involves the progressive insertion of the hand and sometimes the arm into the rectum and lower intestine.
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