Cruising Tips!
Cruising at bars, clubs and events is much different from the other cruising methods covered in this booklet. While beats, SOPVs (sex on premises venues), and the internet can all be used for quick, easy, sex this is not the only reason most guys go to bars. When cruising at bars, it’s important first of all to get your expectations straight. If you’re heading out to find a quick easy hookup, you may be disappointed. Similarly, if you’re heading out expecting to meet guys to start relationships with you, you may be disappointed as well. Going out expecting to have a good time and see what happens is a great place to start. If you’re planning to hit on someone at a bar there are a few factors you need to bear in mind that wouldn’t normally arise with the other cruising options.
> He might be straight! Not all guys who hang out at gay bars are going to be in the market. He might be there with gay friends, girlfriend, etc.
> He might be in a relationship and not interested - whereas at beats, SOPV’s etc, chances are, if he is taken, it’s not going to get in your way!
> He may be with friends and not looking for anything to get in the way of his night out.
> Verbal Communication
Attracting guys’ attention in bars is all about how you communicate, so examining how this works will give you a good idea of what works when cruising at bars.
> Non-Verbal
Only one third of the message that we convey when communicating with other people is expressed through words alone, so how we talk with our body and our face, our non-verbal communication, can make all the difference.
The most important factors are:
> Body language
> Voice
Body language
The face is the most commonly used channel of communication, and in cruising, is used to encourage or discourage feedback, often before we have actually spoken to the guy we’re interested in. If you spot someone you like, even if you’re trying to hide it, chances are your eyes will give you away. We acknowledge people with our eyes, and attempt to warn people away with our eyes. For many men, when they are being checked out, their automatic response is to look away, even if they find the guy attractive. Avoiding eye contact is like turning your back on someone while they’re talking to you. If you like the person who is making eyes at you, it is best to communicate your interest back! In fact, to build a good rapport with someone you’ve just met, it is suggested your eyes should meet theirs 60 to 70% of the time. The eyes are a key signal in cruising. If he keeps looking away, and won’t maintain eye contact with you, chances are he’s not that interested and looking around for something/someone else to capture his attention. Smiling goes hand in hand with eye contact. Smiling along with making and maintaining eye contact sends a definite message that you’re interested - and that you are happy to be approached, and that he can feel comfortable in your presence.Voice
The way words are said contribute to the message being sent while speaking, often more so than what is being said. Once you have established an attraction with someone at a bar and have started chatting to them, try to be aware of what is being unconsciously communicated by your style of speech. Mumbling, yawning and using lots of fillers (e.g. ‘okay’, ‘well’, ‘um’, ‘ah’, ‘yeah’) sends the message that you are either disinterested, or lack confidence. Normally, if you have already established an attraction with someone, and find yourself speaking in this way, it will be nerves or a lack of confidence that are your issue. Try looking your guy in the eyes while speaking as this makes it harder to confuse your nervousness with a lack of interest.Dealing with rejection
Not every guy you’re interested in at a bar is going to return your interest, for many possible reasons and not all relate to you. It is important to remember that you have the right to cruise him, and likewise, he has the right to refuse you for his own reasons. Be both polite and gracious about it. If he is clearly not interested, move on and get back to enjoying yourself. Also, chances are that you will reject other people too, so act as you would like them to act towards you. Remember that this is all part of cruising.What is a Beat?
Beats are places, usually public, like parks, beaches, public toilets, etc. where guys cruise for sex. They have been part of gay life for centuries, becoming focal points in times of severe social and police repression, when it was impossible to be ‘out’ without attracting negative attention. These days, beats are frequented by all sorts of guys, some openly gay, some who identify as straight, some who are married or in relationships, all united in their desire for anonymous man on man sex, for friendship, and to meet other men.Why do guys use beats?
The attractions of beats are many - the anonymity, the fact that you don’t have to be ‘out’ or in the gay scene to take part, the lack of cost, the open air, the thrill of public sex, the fact that sex can be available any time of the day or night, fantasies about the guys you might meet there, or just for socialising. Being a beat user doesn’t mean that you are dirty or promiscuous or a deviant. For many, beats are a normal and fun part of life!Cruising at beats
Because of the unique environment of beats, out in public in an unregulated space, it is important to discuss ‘beat etiquette’ or how you should behave at beats, as part of broader cruising tips. Any behaviour that might draw attention to the beat from the broader community, especially police or homophobes/gay bashers, might mean that the beat will stop functioning for a time, inconveniencing everyone who uses it.> If at a park or beach don’t disrupt or damage the surroundings, including facilities or plants. Damage to the area can bring council attention to the beat and possible closure.
> Respect the rights of the broader public to use the site – don’t have sex in areas where you can be easily spotted, steer clear of areas regularly used by families and children. Remember to dispose of any rubbish you bring with you, especially used condoms, condom packets and lube, as these are obvious signs that the area is being used as a beat.
> Noise and disruptive behaviour is not appreciated at beats, because it draws attention and could scare people away. Other beat users might mistake you for a trouble maker of some kind or a gay basher.
> When cruising beats at night, it is best not to wear bright colours that will make you stand out, especially white coloured clothing. If undesirable people are at the beat you may need to hide, or at least not draw much attention to yourself. Darker colours will help you blend into the background and be less noticeable, which is the norm for beat users.
> If you’re new to cruising beats, have a look around and get to know the area - where guys cruise each other, where they go for sex, the layout of the place, exits, where you can park, etc. Also watch how the guys interact - what methods they use to show interest in each other. Each beat works a little differently.
> Making a decision beforehand about the kinds of sex you do and don’t want will help ensure that you are happy with the sex you get when you cruise.
> If someone approaches you who you’re not interested in, let him know politely! You’re allowed to be selective.
> If you start having sex near other guys cruising, you may find you have an audience – and some of them may be eager to join in. Remember, the decision is yours. If you’re only interested in one guy, find a more private spot.
> If you have second thoughts about someone or about having sex, remember that it’s OK to change your mind at any time.
> Especially at beats, it may be best to leave wallets/jewelry at home or in the car, as attacks may involve theft.
> Also at beats, be wary of anyone who looks suspicious, especially groups of men or boys, and be prepared to run if threatened. If you see anyone being hassled call the police, or make noise, yell, or attempt to intervene if you think it is safe to do so. Try to get the offender’s details - appearance, car registration, etc.
> At Beats, SOPV’s and pubs and clubs, make sure you know your surroundings - where the exits are, where you’ve parked, in case you need to leave quickly.
> Although rare, violence can happen when cruising - homophobic attacks (bashers at Beats for example), sexual violence (rape) or assault.
> Cruising at beats is mostly conducted silently, with nonverbal techniques like those mentioned above in the Bars section. Night beats where it is darker means body language at beats becomes more overt. Beat cruising has much in common with cruising at SOPVs (Sex on Premises Venues) - refer to the next section for more hints and tips!
Is it legal/illegal to be at a beat?
It is legal to be at a beat, and it is legal to be at a beat for the purposes of meeting a sex partner. Soliciting sex for pay is considered illegal at a beat or other public space. What is legal/illegal at a beat? E.g. – what about cubicle sex? Bushes? Etc? Exposure? S227 of the QLD criminal code makes it a misdemeanour to perform an “indecent act” in any public place. This includes any form of sex (oral/anal/vaginal ) and other forms of sexual activity (mutual masturbation, solo masturbation, frotting, etc) with partners of any gender, but does not extend to signs of affection, hand-holding, kissing, making out, etc. It is also illegal under the code to expose yourself or appear nude in a public space. The mere fact of being in a known beat is irrelevant to the legality of these actions. The definition of “a public place” is quite broad, and includes any place “that the public is entitled to use” – most beat locations by their very nature qualify as public places, and the Summary Offences Act specifically includes “any park garden reserve or other place of public recreation” as a public place. The courts have generally held that for somewhere to be considered a public space, it must be observable – although this has been used in the past as a defense in the case of conduct in public toilets, anything which draws attention to you during sex or can be seen/heard by a passerby would be considered “public”, and thus liable to prosecution. Simply being in a hidden area or toilet cubicle is probably insufficient to protect yourself, particularly if it’s in a highly-trafficked area. It is generally considered that a vehicle in a public place is itself considered to be a public place, so picking someone up in a beat and taking them back to your car parked nearby may still be considered an offence.Police powers and entrapment
Entrapment (posing as a person interested in purchasing sex) by police officers is legal in Queensland. However it is an offence for a police officer to receive sexual services during the course of their duties. Any police officer who engages in sexual activity and subsequently aims to charge you is most likely attempting to extort you, and you should politely ask to speak to their superior. Likewise, a police officer who asks for money due to a “fine” or in lieu of charging you is likely committing a crime.If police stop you they are allowed to ask you your name and address – refusal to comply or giving a false name may result in legal action. If you are approached by someone claiming to be a police officer you should ask for identification – if they refuse then they are most likely simply posing as an officer. Police may only arrest you if they reasonably believe that you’ve broken the law, and must tell you specifically what you’re being arrested for.
Police must “caution” you (explain your rights and what’s happening to you) before they begin formal questioning, however anything you say to a police officer may be used when creating a case. It is not illegal to politely insist that you speak to legal counsel before offering any information to police beyond your name and address.
If you’ve been arrested, police may pat you down, and an officer of your own sex (if you are intersex or transgender this will be the sex on your driver’s license) may strip search you if they believe you may be hiding something illegal. A cavity search may only be performed by a doctor. If you feel that a police officer has acted inappropriately or illegally then please contact the police ombudsman.
Sex on premises venues (SOPVS)
SOPVs are privately owned businesses that provide a place for men to go to have sex with other men. You pay to enter, and this allows you access to a range of different facilities to cater to different tastes. Venues are very diverse - different guys attend different venues, for various reasons and in different ways, and each visit to a venue is unique. The most striking feature of sex venue culture is that most communication is non-verbal. Guys can cruise each other, negotiate and have sex without saying a word. Some cruising techniques are outlined at the end of this section.What kinds of venues are there?
There are basically three kinds of sex venues: cruise clubs, saunas and backrooms. They all have things like cubicles with lockable doors, cubicles with glory holes and most have TVs that play porn, access to sexual health information, and free condoms and lube. But each of them is also a bit different from the others, so let’s look at each of them.> Cruise clubs Cruise clubs offer a wide range of sexual activities. They generally have playrooms with equipment like slings, as well as public sex areas and theme events like leather nights. They may attract a crowd looking for more adventurous sex than they would get at a sauna or backroom.
> Saunas
The main features at a sauna are the ‘wet areas’ such as the sauna, steam room and spa. At a sauna guys wear towels rather than clothes. You will also get most of the things that a cruise club has - like a darkroom, slingroom, private rooms or playrooms - but they may not be as well equipped as you’ll find at a cruise club. There are lots of cubicles with vinyl mattresses, as well as extra facilities like showers, rest areas and snack food.
> Backrooms
All backrooms are attached to adult bookshops (but not all bookshops have backrooms). Backrooms tend to have fewer facilities than cruise clubs or saunas and do not have lounge areas where you can sit and take a break from cruising. This means that guys tend to use backrooms for quicker sex. Backrooms often have a lunch time and after work rushes.
Why do guys use SOPVs?
Everyone has their own reasons for using SOPVs – including: desire for casual sex, to enjoy a spa or a sauna, to socialise, to explore different sexual scenes (like leather) and practices they haven’t tried, as an alternative to meeting guys in gay pubs and clubs, to have some fun outside of a relationship, or with their partner, or as part of a big night out, holiday or party weekend.Cruising at SOPVs
Getting through the front door For some guys, getting through the front door is the hardest part of going to a venue – especially for the first time. So here is a little guide for taking the first step. Sex clubs usually have doorways or stairs directly off the street. Inside the entrance you will come to a locked door with what may look like a ticket booth. Saunas are pretty much the same as sex clubs up until you pay. You will then be handed a locker key and a towel (in some saunas the towel will be in the locker). Once you’re in you take off your clothes, put them in the locker and wrap the towel around yourself. Backrooms are entered through adult bookshops. Not all adult bookshops have backrooms so make sure you are in the right place. To get to the cruising area go to the counter and tell the attendant that you want to go out the back.What to do when you first arrive
Most experienced guys have a routine that they do every time they first arrive at a venue, to help them make the switch from the outside world and begin to relax. Some of these techniques include:
> Let your eyes adjust to the dark, so you can see and move around confidently.
> Spend some time relaxing - clear your mind, have a coffee in the lounge, a shower or spa, chat to the staff, watch some porn or just chill.
> Do a circuit of the venue - once inside, check out how busy it is, who is there, who you might want to cruise, where the busy areas are and the general feel.
> Get into the mood - watch what’s going on in the public sex areas, watch the porn videos for a while - once you’re turned on, you will be ready to cruise, or be cruised.
SOPV etiquette
1. No means no! This is probably the most important rule at SOPVs. You have the right to say no to anything you don’t want to do, and you have the responsibility to respect others if they say no.2. Be polite and subtle in your advances and rejections It can be awkward having someone come onto you aggressively and it is embarrassing to be rejected publicly. Being subtle and polite means no-one has to suffer embarrassment and you can get on with looking for what you want. E.g. a stare is subtle while groping someone is not.
3. Don’t touch or join in unless invited! Talking rarely occurs before you have made contact with someone. So being invited to touch means having to make some non-verbal contact. Sometimes this may include a light touch on the leg or brushing your hand against his. But there is a big difference between these signs of interest and walking up to someone and groping them or pushing in on sexual activity.
5. Try not to interfere with other people’s comfort or activities Monopolising equipment without using it, blocking corridors, standing in the doorway of the last available cubicle, gossiping loudly in the spa and following someone who has already said no to you can all interfere with other guys’ enjoyment of the venue. Be aware of these actions and try to avoid them so that everyone can enjoy their use of the venue.
5. Everyone has the right to stop at anytime If something is not working for you, you have the right to stop. Be polite but remember you don’t have to do anything you feel uncomfortable with.
6. Approaching staff for sex Each venue has its own policies and procedures regarding this. Staff are to be treated with respect while you are at the venue. Generally staff do not have sex while on duty but may be allowed to outside of working time.
Cruising methods
Everyone who uses sex venues has their favourite method of cruising. Here is a sample of some of the common techniques. For many guys, cruising is half the fun of going to SOPV’s, so try these out, but don’t limit yourself. The Stare Simply make and maintain eye contact for a longer period than is usual. You can do this in the corridors, change room, spa, while having coffee, or anywhere where there is sufficient light for you to see clearly. This approach allows you to signal interest in a very subtle way. It also means that if he rejects you, others in the area are unlikely to notice.The ‘Brush Past’
If someone you are interested in is standing in a corridor or other public area, walk past and very gently brush your hand or arm against him, aiming for his upper leg, arm or bum. Once you have made contact, either turn to make eye contact or head for a cubicle or sex area. If he follows, you’re in - if he doesn’t, move on!1…2…3…Turn
This is pretty much the same as cruising on the street. As you walk through the venue and spot a guy you like, make eye contact with him on approach. As he passes, count to three and then look back over your shoulder to see if he is looking back too. If he is, you can stop and signal for him to follow you, or change direction and follow him, or go into a cubicle or sex area and hope he follows.Standing in a cubicle doorway
Standing in the doorway of a cubicle is a clear indication that you are ready for sex. For this technique to work best you should choose a cubicle that allows you to make eye contact with guys passing by. When you spot someone you like, make eye contact. If they are interested they may stand near where the two of you can see each other. If you are still interested then take a step back into the room to make space for him to enter.Sitting or lying in a cubicle
Choose a cubicle and sit near the doorway so you can see out into the corridor. If someone is interested in sex, they will stand outside the door and make eye contact with you. If you are interested make eye contact, or stroke your dick. If you are not interested, break eye contact or turn and look away from him. Another thing you can do is to use the door to show whether you are interested in another guy. Make sure you sit close enough to the door to easily move it with your foot. Leave it half opened. If you are interested in the guy cruising you, use your foot to open the door a few centimetres - this is an invitation for him to come in. If not, close the door a few centimetres - the movements only need to be small. A variation on this technique is to lie on the mattress in the cubicle. If your head faces away from the door it generally means you want to bottom and are pretty happy for anyone to do it (keeping in mind you always have the right to say no). If you face the door you can use any of the cruising techniques to show if you are interested or not. To make it clear that you want safe sex, leave condoms in clear view lying next to you.Getting involved in group scenes
If you want to get involved in group sex at venues there are lots of things you can do. One of the simplest ways is to join an existing group scene. To do this, first stand and watch for a while, then show interest by removing your towel or clothes, playing with yourself, etc. Catch the eye of someone, or gently touch someone, and wait till they touch you with their hand. Take it slowly so that you don’t break up the scene, and if you are not invited to join in, take the hint. Another way is to start a group scene yourself. You could hang out in the areas of the venue where group sex is likely to occur, such as the darkroom, steamroom or play areas. Try looking for guys who are cruising together, or start your own scene with a friend or boyfriend. If you connect with someone at the venue, go with him to a public area rather than a cubicle. Alternatively, go to a cubicle and leave the door open so that people know they can watch or join in, or look for cubicle doors that are open and join in if invited.Dealing with rejection
Not every guy you’re interested in at a SOPV is going to return your interest, for many possible reasons. It is important to remember that you have the right to cruise him, and likewise, he has the right to refuse you. Be both polite and gracious about it. If he is clearly not interested, move on and get back to enjoying yourself. Also, chances are that you will reject other people too, so act as you would like them to act towards you. Remember that this is all part of cruising.Dealing with aggressive or persistent cruisers
Generally most people at venues will take the hint when you are not interested. But you will eventually come across someone who doesn’t give up. To deal with persistent cruisers: Be clear in your rejection. Don’t give confusing messages, for example, don’t look back to see if he is still following after you have said no. This could give him the impression that you are just playing hard to get. Be assertive without being rude. Forcefully (but not violently) move his hands from your body, walk away, shake your head, or move out of the cruising areas until he has lost interest. Tell him with words. If he continues to pursue you, say in a firm voice something like ‘No thank you’ or ‘I am not interested in having sex with you’. This works best if others can hear you. In extreme cases you can go to the staff and ask that he be warned or removed from the venue.Safe sex in venues
In venues most people negotiate sex without using words. This can lead guys to make assumptions about each other. If two guys end up in a cubicle together and begin fucking it is easy for them to think ‘He didn’t ask for a condom – he must be positive too’, or ‘He didn’t ask for a condom – he must be negative too’.Don’t make assumptions
Group sex, especially in darkrooms, can be tricky as it can get pretty hot and may be difficult to follow exactly what is going on. Someone may go directly from fucking one guy to another without changing condoms. This can cause infections like HIV and gonorrhoea to pass from one guy to the other. So if you are in a group scene put on a new condom for each new guy. If you are getting fucked, make sure you see the guy put on a new condom before he enters you. If you have your dick through a glory-hole it can be difficult to know exactly what is being done to it. A guy can go from having it in his mouth to up his arse without you realising and without a condom. So check from time to time.www.men.org.au/uploads/1/0/5/8/10587506/cruising_a6_010311-web.pdf
