Methodology
Over the course of two months I interviewed a number of prominent practitioners within the gay BDSM community. I began my research by posting notices on BDSMi websites such as Recon or Manhunt, and then gathering a “snowball” sample of five illustrative respondents. My goal was to interview relatively experienced and knowledgeable participants, and my selection is thus likely far from representative. Indeed, I make no claim to have contacted the “average” BDSM practitionerii; my research is entirely drawn from an admittedly small sample of individuals, and therefore should not be generalized to include everyone who practices (gay or straight) extreme sex. Indeed, due to my relatively constrained methodological technique, I cannot claim to speak for the younger generation of “players” at all; those interviewed were each between the ages of forty-five and sixty-five, and have been practicing BDSM for at least twenty years. Such individuals include Peter Boots (interviewed 10/10/07), who runs a BDSM website and teaches bondage classes; Fred Katz (interviewed 10/18/07), who has long participated in the BDSM community and is known far and wide for his bullwhipping skills; Gil Kessler (interviewed 10/24/07), the former president of GMSMA (Gay Male Sadomasochism Activists) and chief instructor of a 15-session BDSM program; Augie (interviewed 10/24/07), Gil’s partner and bottom; and davidiii Stein (interviewed 11/04/07), a co-founder of GMSMA and a prolific writer regarding BDSM-related history and philosophy. All interviews ranged from three to five hours, and involved follow-up emails concerning any participants’ concerns or impressions.further perused a number of BDSM-related books, including Robert Bienvenu’s Development of Sadomasochism as a Cultural Style in the Twentieth-Century United States, Geoff Main’s Urban Aboriginals, and Mark Thompson’s Leatherfolk. I also read over thirty magazines and newspapers, including The Leather Journal and International Leather, and wafted through a handful of GMSMA newsletters and pamphlets. Finally, I visited New York’s annual Leatherfair, which took place within the West Village on October 7th, 2007, and frequented the Eagle (on 09/30/07), the only remaining Leather bar from the city’s deviant “glory days”. While such observations allowed me to get a deeper impression of the scene, almost all my data is culled exclusively from the interviews and relevant literature.
A Little Bit of History
With their souls of patent leather, they come down the road. Hunched and nocturnal, where they breathe they impose. -Federico Garcia LorcaThe “official” beginnings of gay BDSM within the United States are intimately intertwined with the post-World War II Leather movement. Following the Second World War, “a loose knit-fraternity of men who recognized themselves as social outcasts” began to formulate the first gay biker gangs within Northern California. Driven by their similar experiences in the war and a larger dissatisfaction with the prevailing image of gays as inherently effeminate, these individuals decided to propagate their own masculine sexual identity. Draping themselves in traditional leather outfits, early Leathermen thus proceeded to create their own clubs, frequent the same bars, and even adopt a general code of conduct. Such “sexual pioneers” were further influenced by Marlon Brando’s character in The Wild One, and the extremely sensual and homoerotic drawings of Tom of Finland (Bienvenu, 225). Why this scene eventually became infused with BDSM ultimately remains somewhat of a mystery; most likely, the alternative atmosphere of Leather encouraged a great deal of erotic experimentation, and thus inspired a deeply permissive sexual environment. While not all Leathermen practiced radical sex, the Leather scene quickly became an open forum for such unorthodox inclinations. It was not long before exclusively BDSM clubs began to appear, and organizations solely devoted to such sexual practices were (semi-) publicly established.
The history of New York City’s gay BDSM community developed along a somewhat different trajectory. While the first Leather clubs were established in the early 1960s, BDSM had already been practiced underground for a number of decades. Radical sex was undoubtedly greatly popularized by the inflowing Leather movement, but never (unlike in San Francisco and Chicago) grew directly out of this scene. BDSM and Leather were eventually galvanized by the more mainstream Stonewall Riots, the first edition of the Leatherman’s Handbook (a guide to Leather-play across the country), and the 1980 formation of GMSMA, which quickly became one of the largest BDSM organization within the nation (Gil). Throughout the late 1970 and 1980s, New York City’s meatpacking district proved a particular haven for Leather and BDSM practitioners. Clubs such as the Mineshaft, the Anvil, the Ramrod, and the Eagle catered exclusively to a gay Leather crowd, and even openly encouraged extreme sex behind their doors (Bienvenu, 240). While the advent of AIDs influenced city government to close some of the more popular spots down, most eventually fell into bankruptcy and were bought out by relatively mainstream establishments (Gil, dave).
Today only a handful of Leather bars still exist, and are mostly attended by an older and non-exclusively Leather clientele (Eagle observation, 09/30/07). BDSM organizations such as GMSMA have also fallen on harder times (Gil, dave). This is not due to any flagging interest in radical sex, however, but rather the growing advent of the Internet. As we shall see, the World Wide Web has offered incredible new opportunities for BDSM practitioners, but at the cost of a larger sense of communal solidarity and many long-held traditions and rituals
Growing up BDSM
It is certainly no crime to depict the bizarre ideas that nature inspires. -The Marquis de SadePeter distinctly remembers his first experience with BDSM: at the age of only 10, he was angrily reprimanded by a neighbor’s mother for tying up her young daughter in the sandbox. Shortly after moving to Australia, Peter found a number of young boys to tie up as well, and realized he equally enjoyed being on the other end of the rope. According to him, while “it was great fun…there was no sexual excitement whatsoever”. Indeed, this sense of “being “BDSM” before “being gay” was shared by nearly everyone interviewed. Fred, a popular sadist in the leather community, recalls his early jerk-off fantasies as involving “hangings, drawing and quartering, the rack, etc.”, but had gotten emotionally excited by these ideas long before any sexual interest arose. Augie expresses a similar sentiment, remarking “I was tying myself up and doing things to myself for lack of other partners before puberty”. The only person interviewed who had “no idea he was S/M” before his first actual experience was Gil, who claims to have only discovered his homosexuality at thirty-three and sadomasochistic inclinations at forty-seven
The details of people’s first initiation into BDSM varied significantly, but were almost always at the hands of a more experienced player. Peter agreed to be whipped one day by a man he met at a bar, and immediately realized the “mind-blowing” potential of such “deviant” practices. Before Fred encountered the cult-classic The Velvet Underground at age twelve, he believed himself to be the only person in the world interested in radical sex. Journeying with a friend to the Eagle in the 1970s, he thus decided to explore this side of his “personality”, purposively going for “for the most terrible of all” players. While initially rebuffed, Fred’s persistence ultimately paid off; the man took him back to his apartment, had Fred sit on a steel dildo, and proceeded to flog him mercilessly. As he recalls, “I was screaming and wondering this is what I wanted all these years? But by the end I was exhilarated!”
Interestingly, while Leather was tied into each man’s entry into BDSM, nearly everyone interviewed regarded these things as two utterly separate spheres of sexuality. Peter does not consider himself Leather at all, but originally pretended to be simply to “gain access to the scene”. Fred also believes Leather and S/M to be completely discrete things, mentioning that a “variety of different outfits” can be sexy, “from sports jocks to cowboys”. Dave undoubtedly offers the most profound assessment of Leather and BDSM’s deeper intersection. As he remarks, “leather is a very sensuous material and it also evokes very primal, primitive associations” through “the idea that you’re wearing the skin of an animal”. Although Leather “was always part of the subculture”, from the very beginning “people were into the (BDSM) scene who didn’t wear leather”. As Gil summarizes, one simply does not “need to wear leather…to let people know and strike up a conversation about BDSM”.
Entering and Enjoying the Scene
While there undoubtedly exists a common set of rituals, there is no single “right way” to practice BDSM. While two players can have a brief, 30-minute experience, other BDSM sessions can last from “9 hours” to an “entire weekend” (dave). Fred usually plans beforehand with a person, going over any personal fetishes or larger concerns. According to Peter, the best bondage experiences can last for up to three days, and should involve a variety of different “games” (which will be explored in greater detail below).Almost always, each player will assume a different role; indeed, within every BDSM session there is at least one “top” and one “bottom” (Peter). The top, or Dominant, controls the scene, and is expected to adequately perpetuate and respond to the submissive bottom’s pleasure. As dave remarks, “Part of the responsibility of a top is to constantly be gauging the bottom’s reactions”. Fred expresses a similar sentiment; “A very good top doesn’t have a particular agenda”, but “responds to the bottom’s wishes”. What makes a person want to be a top may vary. In Peter’s view, “some people are simply tops and some people are simply bottoms”. While Fred cautions against generalizing he believes “a lot of tops have minor jobs”, and therefore gain a sense of rare control through playing this role. Bottoms, on the other hand, are often people “who are in charge during the day, doctors, lawyers, etc. who control people’s lives”.
Increasingly common is switching, where an individual plays bottom one session and a top the next. According to Peter, originally there was no switching; “you were either a top or you were a bottom”. Similarly, dave remarks that although switching was frowned upon in the “early days”, today there “is much more fluidity”. While switching has undoubtedly become more common, almost everyone agrees that it is “a top’s market” (Fred). Gil, Peter, and Fred all estimate there to be about 10 bottoms for every top, likely because everyone loves being the “center of attention”. As Gil remarks, “I used to joke that right means bottom and left means negotiable” and Peter similarly asserts that “left is a bottom…right is a liar”.
When many people think of S/M, they do not immediately imagine the more common top-bottom session, but the somewhat cartoonish image of the bondage slave and his Master. As dave, who is “slave-identified”, remarks, “I’ve often thought that the gap between SM players, who are only top or bottom for short scenes, and BDSM lifestylers (who practice Master-slave relationships), is even wider than all Leather people and the mainstream”. According to dave, “a slave is someone who gives himself in service to a Master and agrees to obey that Master’s order and rules and live at his pleasure”. While “the fantasy” is often living under a rich Master and submitting completely to his will, this is neither a very practical nor feasible scenario. There are also very different types of Master-slave relationships.
Most extreme is a live-in slave, who attempts to follow his master’s wishes at every conceivable moment. “There is no set slave-Master protocol”, however, and people can therefore vary from weekend slaves to temporary “man servants” (dave).
Entering into a Master-slave relationship may result from a variety of different motives. While the Master may want sexual partners he can control and protect, slaves like dave essentially aim to reduce their “ego-driveness”. As he contends, “a lot of the attraction of ongoing slavery is very much the attraction of “flow experience”, where you’re not self-conscious because you’re observed in the work or the play”. Similar to a Buddhist monk, slaves therefore hope to reach a state of simple being, wherein their wishes become utterly subordinated to those of another. Ultimately, Masters and slaves only account for a very small percentage of BDSM practitioners (Gil, Augie). As Fred humorously remarks, “I had a slave once but found his constant requests for permission annoying”
Unwilling to wholly commit to the intricate Master-slave bond, many BDSM lifestylers have instead opted for the more flexible Daddy-boy relationship. While less submissive than a slave, it is somewhat unclear what a boy’s role is. As dave recalls, “I once suggested that the difference between a boy and a slave is that a boy is expected to one day grow up and not be a boy, to be a Master…in his own right”. This definition is empirically refutable, however, as boys can range from teenagers to people in their mid- 60s, and often have no particular intention of ever assuming a dominant role (dave). As dave concludes, while there is ultimately no strict definition for what constitutes a boy, within the Daddy-boy relationship there is undoubtedly a “Peter Pan element…it’s a form of age play…I think most (older) boys want to recapture the sense of being a teenager”.
While we have discussed some different forms of BDSM relationships, there are many disparate types of play. Perhaps the most well known of these is simple bondage, wherein a bottom undergoes physical restraint or entrapment. Peter, who teaches bondage classes, often uses a rope or cord on his partners. According to Gil, “there is both light and extreme bondage”, the latter including “hogties, handcuffs, and breath control”. Another popular BDSM technique is abrasion, where a variety of materials are applied to the bottom’s body, “from brushes to sandpaper to nail filers”. As dave explains, when performing abrasion “the key is to build up slowly and peak with intense pain”.
Another traditional BDSM technique is that of boot licking, primarily meant to represent a bottom’s unmitigated submission. While Peter enjoys having his boots licked, dave has always had a fetish for “tongue-cleaning” his Master’s shoes. Although this may seem an act of utter humiliation, dave refuses to view it as such; according to him, “licking boots” is principally an “expression of how much I get off by the top and how much I want to get off by him”. Peter cites a number of friends with boot-filled apartments, but claims the younger generation actually prefers licking sneakersiv
Spanking, flogging and bullwhipping are also popular BDSM activities. According to Gil, “everyone thinks you can spank someone, but there are things that can make you a better spanker”. Almost all the people interviewed cited flogging as a common activity, and Fred noted his own particular penchant for bullwhipping. Caning, while somewhat more rare, has also gained in popularity, perhaps “directly imported from Singapore” (Gil). Augie, who participates in bondage classes, has particular love for clothespins, which are often hooked all over his body and clamped to his nipples. Augie also enjoys being mummified, or wrapped in “wet or saran wrap” for a long period of time.
While not used by every player, needles can also be employed to concentrate a bottom’s pain. Such instruments can vary significantly in size, from relatively small pins to flesh-searing syringes (Gil). Often players will pierce needles directly through their nipples or genitals, undertaking a distinct form of genital torture. Genital-torture is not restrained to needle play, however, but can involve a number of different techniques. Some players will shoot staples or pound nails through their testicles, while others will apply electrical currents to the penis itself. Others may use catheters, sounds, or special rods inserted into the urethra and then programmed to vibrate (Gil).
While water sports (or urine activities) are well known within the BDSM scene, such pursuits are more selectively practiced. Dave has had particular experience with water sports, and often enjoys drinking “full bladder loads”. Although Peter does not really appreciate the taste of urine, he does not mind “letting go after a few beers”. Gil never participates in such activities, although occasionally finds someone to demonstrate “proper urine etiquette” to novices, while Fred simply describes himself as “pee shy”. Everyone interviewed drew a strict line at excrement, however, although Peter says he has encountered the occasional “shit-eater”.
Fisting, or the insertion of one’s fingers and then entire hand into another’s anus, has long existed at the fringes of BDSM activity, and many of those interviewed believe it actually constitutes a separate category of play. While Peter explains that fisters “overlap” with the larger scene, he also claims such individuals have their own “distinct subculture and magazines”. Fred similarly calls fisting a “separate” category “entirely”, and Gil has long taken fisting out of his BDSM tutorialsv . Dave, while not personally interested in fisting, fully understands the appeal. According to him, “there’s something very profound about having another person’s body deep within yours”.
Hooking, or inserting pull hooks through one’s body and then being suspended in mid-air, is also considered distinctly separate from “traditional” BDSM. Both Fred and dave see the hook pull as “primarily spiritual”. Although Peter has no intention of ever being “hooked” himself, he admits having seen an absolutely “incredible” example of this event. As he describes in detail, the individual lay “on a bondage table face up with 150-160 syringes inserted into different areas of his body”. A “thin cord of dental floss” was then “tied to connect the syringes-which took about three hours to do” and the person finally lifted into the air “with a larger hook”. While Peter imagines the procedure to have been incredibly painful, he also believes such experiences can be “absolutely transcendent” if one “has the right mindset”.
While a great variety of BDSM techniques exist, play would be impossible without the right equipment and an adequate location. Equipment can either be obtained online or through a number of specialty Leather stores. Particularly popular is Greenwich Village’s The Leatherman, which contains an assortment of “torture” equipment, instruments, and whips. Although mail-order catalogues were popular in the 1980s, these have largely been replaced by online fetish sites. BDSM equipment can be ordered today from such stores as www.fetbot[.]com, www.bdsmstore[.]com, www.huse[.]com, and a host of other online retailers. As for a proper play location, practically no bars currently allow BDSM within their doors, and it can also be quite difficult to find BDSM parties (dave). Many players have therefore built private dungeons in their homes or apartments, equipping these with all the necessary gear. Although I was only able to visit two dungeons (Fred and Gil’s), both contained a variety of torture photos, hooks, chains, hanging ropes, bondage masks, and adjustable mats for bottoms to lay upon. Fred has even soundproofed his dungeon, so as to not inconvenience neighbors with the cries of his “victims”.
Due to the sheer expense of bondage equipment and the capital needed to build and maintain a dungeon, one is led to wonder if BDSM is only affordable to the relatively affluent. The people I interviewed differed significantly in income and occupation, but universally dismissed this contention. According to Peter and Gil, second-hand items can always be bought online, and some tops will borrow friends’ dungeons for occasional use. While good for role-playing, dungeons are hardly necessary for play, and most players will simply outfit their own bedrooms with all the necessary equipment (as Gil and Angie do).
The Appeal of BDSM
In the preceding section we discussed the types and techniques of BDSM, but have yet to explore radical sex’s psychological appeal. While early psychoanalysts tried to relate BDSM to abnormal childhood experiences, I found absolutely no evidence for this proposition (Thomson, 66). Those interviewed came from a variety of different social and economic backgrounds, and only one admitted to having a “fucked up” upbringingvi. As detailed earlier, almost all those interviewed recalled being naturally attracted to BDSM from a relatively early age (usually around seven), and none could cite any particularly traumatic childhood experiences.Some posited BDSM to be congruent with human nature. As Fred remarks, people are “naturally aggressive” and “love gore and pain and all that kind of stuff, whether they want to admit it or not”. According to him, one need only look back at the incredible popularity of public executions (or our current obsession with violent movies) to realize “people are bloodthirsty, it’s in our bones”. In this view, combining sex and pain is entirely natural; social taboos, and not some larger revulsion towards the infliction of pain, are thus what prevent many people from practicing radical sex. Interestingly, among the people interviewed only Fred claims to actually enjoy the sight of blood. While Peter does not mind flogging bottoms until they are “hamburger”, this is never his primary intention. Of course, another possible motive for practicing BDSM could arise from a desire to take sex to the “next level”. While BDSM is undoubtedly sexually stimulating, however, it is rarely about sex alone. According to Fred, many people will not even “get off” during a session, but concentrate wholly and exclusively on the physical pain. Although Gil almost always has “the bottom come”, he notes that “orgasiming” is not an essential part of play.
Yet what is so attractive about the pain itself? In his seminal S/M book Urban Aboriginals, Geoff Mains contended that painful stimulation creates a massive “endorphin rush”, causing an opiate-like effect on the brain. Scientists have subsequently attempted to confirm Maine’s thesis, studying the examples of “runner’s high” and even acupuncturevii. As Peter summarizes, endorphins can drive “people to do the most extraordinary things”. In addition to triggering endorphins, however, BDSM also tests the very limits of human experience. Similar to extreme athletics, radical sex thus brings one to the absolute edge of being. According to Peter, the edge is “going as far as you would normally enjoy and then being able to break through that”. Fred confirms that “when you’re right at the edge”, one is “susceptible to anything”. In dave’s view, “unless there is some risk there’s no point…it’s part of why men sometimes say being at war was the best part of my life”.
BDSM does not merely offer momentary pleasure, but allows one to upend his usual social role and everyday routine. As explored earlier, sessions may permit typically controlling individuals to act submissive, and enable the powerless to temporarily take command of a situation. Even more profoundly, BDSM allows one to give themselves utterly and completely to another. As dave remarks, “so much of the attraction of extreme sports and some SM is the feeling that your life is in someone else’s hands”. Peter echoes this assertion, remarking that “I’m doing what I’m doing and the other person is enjoying it…trust is the key”. As Gil describes, there is an incredibly powerful “feeling derived from being totally trusted” and “giving total trust to another”.
Ultimately, many of those interviewed deny any rationally grounded explanation for enjoying radical sex. While a few pose the possibility of a more spiritual component (Peter, dave), most simply call BDSM an aspect of “what one truly is” (Fred). In Peter’s view, “some people are simply tops and some people are simply bottoms…yes, it’s role playing, but I think it’s also their personalities coming to the surface”. Fred is perhaps the most adamant proponent of this position. According to him, “kink is born into you; it’s like in your DNA, and then one day you see something that connects”. As he contends, “if you don’t feel it (S/M) in your heart, you’re never going to get it”.
Interestingly, Fred’s view that only some people are naturally predisposed to BDSM seems somewhat contradictory to his earlier contention that humans are “born aggressive”. Maybe the appeal therefore lies not in the sex or violence itself, but in their larger combination. Modern society has long attempted to restrict the latter and eliminate the former. If people are naturally aggressive and sexually curious, however, it seems best to embrace both elements within a controlled and consensual setting. In some ways BDSM may thus represent a more honest form of experience; one that acknowledges the power dynamics within all sexual relations, combines this with the natural aggressiveness inherent in human beings, and then channels the result into a literal form of playviii. Yet before one idealizes the practice of BDSM, it behooves us to look at the potential dangers that radical sex may entail.
BDSM Gone Wrong
Perhaps most importantly, BDSM practitioners must be careful to differentiate “true” sadists from “sexual sadists”ix. As Gil explains, “there have been” occasional “cases of people” who purposely take things too far. One individual became notorious for meeting people in bars, bringing them home, and then virtually holding them hostage; during this time “he would choke them until they were completely unconscious “ and even “cut them with a knife”. Gil and his BDSM colleagues acted almost immediately, announcing the man’s name and posting his picture within New York City’s gay bars, and the sadist subsequently “fled the country”. While dave applauds Gil’s actions, he is wary of making a clear-cut, reductionist distinction between sadists and “sexual sadists”. As he explains, the man mentioned was not a sadist “but a psychopath…there’s not a difference in the sadism but the ethics and the conscience”. As dave continues, “we have all kinds of vicious fantasies…but we don’t act them out”; a proper BDSM practitioner simply “knows it’s not safe to go too far”.Regardless of the terminology, the BDSM community has developed a number of methods in order to restrict actual injury. These can range from publicly “outing” a dangerous individual to defining a strict code of conduct. The latter includes consistently monitoring “the bottom’s reactions”, agreeing upon a “safety word”x , mapping out sessions beforehand, sterilizing one’s equipment, and understanding what a specific individual can and cannot handle. As Peter remarks, “there are certain people I won’t play with; those known as “Black Holes”. As he explains, such people one can “throw anything at” and get no indicative response. Indeed, in Peter’s view the most dangerous thing is to practice BDSM by oneself. In one example he encountered a person who claimed to have considerable experience, but after being bound immediately panicked and had to leave. As Peter continues, “the same guy was found about a year or so later hanged because he had done so little preparatory risk games in bondage he had nothing to go on”.
Another danger lies in failing to perform proper aftercare. Peter stresses that after a session, the top must be ready to address any possible physical or psychological injuries that took place during play. Fred has played with “people who just want to be thrown out the door” at session’s end, but such a scenario is remarkably “rare”. Him and his partner usually review any relevant pains or stressors, and most “people usually want to be cuddled and cared for after” play is over. Gil even teaches an entire session on aftercare, where he goes over maintenance, medical conditions and the proper ways to express one’s feelings during and after play.
The organization GMSMA has attempted to encapsulate proper BDSM protocol within the phrase “Sane, Safe, and Consensual”. As Gil summarizes, tops must act knowledgeably and safely, should not participate in unrealistic or delusional pursuits, and must always gain express permission from their partners. Although he originally came up with the preceding three words, dave has recently expressed some intellectual reservations concerning their use. While he acknowledges the phrase has likely encouraged many people to enter the scene, he strongly opposes interpreting them “as a defining set of principles”. As he explains, “what I regret is how it’s been used in some circles, and I regret the lost opportunity to take that as a starting point rather than an end point”. Dave believes the “Sane” element has been particularly open to abuse. According to him, “you have people who have a very limited notion of what is possible in S/M and anybody who goes beyond that is by definition insane…this leads to judgmental and censorious people”, engaging in what he calls “cookbook S/M”.
The continued prevalence of AIDs also poses a substantial danger to BDSM practitioners. Fred nearly lost all of his S/M friends to AIDs, and now actually finds it strange to “be losing friends to more natural causes”. Gil has a list of 160 GMSMA members who passed away within the last few decades, mostly from AIDs-related illnesses. Today most players vigorously promote safe sex, and are particularly careful when dealing with blood. Fred, who describes blood as having “a wonderful taste”, no longer drinks it from his bottom’s wounds. Dave recently organized a program on blood scenes, and was surprised to find “people were “horrified and outraged” not with the scene itself, but by its possible safety hazards. According to him, blood was everywhere, but the tops “understood what sterility means…they had to sterilize their equipment, were wearing rubber or latex gloves…weren’t splashing the blood on other people”. As dave explains, “if someone cuts you open and smears it on his latex gloves and then sticks it in your mouth that’s a really powerful trip but there is nothing unsafe about it”.
Contemporary Issues within the BDSM community
The most pressing issue within the contemporary BDSM scene may seem somewhat contradictory: the BDSM community is dwindling in number, even though radical sex is more popular than ever before. This is especially apparent in regards to organizations like GMSMA. According to Gil, GMSMA’s initial goal was to bring “S/M into the open”; in his view, during the 1960s and 70s BDSM was “this secretive situation and to really get into it you pretty much had to be a good looking, trim young guy”. Dave recalls a similar motivational origin for the organization, adding that “mainstream gays originally thought we were like NAMBLA…crazy people who” should have no part within the larger queer community. Part of GMSMA’s increasing irrelevance has ironically come from its notable success. According to dave, the organization’s promotion of “Safe, Sane, and Consensual” activities won it legitimacyxi. In Augie’s opinion, GMSMA’s educational message was widely heard, and there was subsequently little left for the organization to say.Other concerns have to do with GMSMA’s relatively poor advertising, and the type of petty politics endemic within any small-scale but highly opinionated organization. Gil admits that GMSMA has been quite bad at advertising itself, and simply does not have the money to keep up with the latest technological trends. Further, while formerly one of the biggest financers of New York City’s Gay and Lesbian Center, recent GMSMA donations have been among the lowest of all those contributed (dave). According to Fred, a major problem also lies in such groups’ petty and superficial politics. BDSM organizations are often full of argumentative practitioners who claim to be exclusive “masters of the craft”, and everyone wants to have their voice heard at the exact same time.
Despite the diminishment of organizations such as GMSMA, a number of BDSM events continue to garner massive attendance. Chief among these is the “Leather Run” “Inferno”, initially started by the Chicago Hellfire Club and held in rural Michigan. According to Peter, “Inferno” is conducted under “three enormous tents”, where many of the most prominent and experienced BDSM practitioners stage sessions, conduct information seminars, and sell different varieties of equipment. “Dungeon Masters” are selected in order to oversee any dangerous activity and arrange all the relevant accommodations and events. According to dave, “Inferno” is invitation only, but usually involves over two hundred “heavy players”. Gil does not attend “Inferno” but the alternative “Leather Run” “Delta”. While “Delta” takes place near the same time as “Inferno”, it is substantially more relaxed and held on a considerably larger campsite (estimated to be around 400 acres). Like “Inferno”, “Delta” almost always amasses hundreds of hardcore players, ready to inflict or receive “some serious pain”.
A particularly recent debate has pivoted around how to treat women and the transgendered. While GMSMA blanketly prohibits female membership, this has been taken up for vote on a number of separate occasions (Gil). The prospect of transgendered participants has also stimulated much conversation within the “Leather Runs”. According to Gil, “Delta” openly accepts transgendered FtMs, but “Inferno” has thus far adamantly refused to do so. Gil also encourages transgendered people to actively attend his BDSM sessions, and is pleased to report that this has largely “been a non-issue”.
Perhaps the most interesting debate I encountered was whether BDSM has “sold out”. According to dave, “today if anything leather (and BDSM) is too popular and you have people who just dress up and don’t do anything or just little bits…A lot of the magic has gone out of the scene simply because it’s so big and so open”. Peter is not particularly bothered by BDSM’s increasingly mainstream popularity but admits that “tourists can be quite irritating”. Fred, on the other hand, dismisses the notion of “selling out” entirely. In his opinion, S/M is “fundamentally a one on one experience”, and therefore inherently rejects commercialization. Indeed, Fred hopes BDSM will grow even more visible, since as people progressively “come out BDSM”, the “less stigmatized it will likely become”.
A final issue within the BDSM community has been how to overcome the derision expressed by much mainstream gay culture. While Peter acknowledges that some hostility undoubtedly still exists, he has not heard anything overtly negative in years. Fred and Augie both agree a stigma remains, although admit this has decreased momentously within the last few decades. Even straight society has recently expressed some positive interest in BDSM culture; heterosexual BDSM organizations such as TESS are significantly larger than their gay counterparts, and the prospect of radical sex today often invokes more confusion than outrage. Mainstream programs such as “South Park” have even contained Master and slave characters, and the re-release of William Friedkin’s Cruising generated more laughter for its ridiculousness than fear of the “Leather/SM menace” it originally sought to portray (Kehr, 2007).
The Future of BDSM
As mentioned earlier, while the gay BDSM community has largely faded, the practice of radical sex has increased dramatically. Everyone interviewed credited this to the advent of the Internet. According to Peter, in the past Leather and BDSM groups provided a forum for “alternative” gay people to meet; the Internet allows individuals to skip this middleman entirely, however, as fetishists can now type in their particular predilection and instantly link to a compatible player. While diminishing any larger sense of community, the World Wide Web has therefore expanded BDSM activities to “mind-bending degrees”. As Peter observes, “what really terrifies me is that on the Internet suddenly you get these 18 year old masters who already have 2-3 years of experience”. In Fred’s view, any sense of communal solidarity has been absolutely and irrevocably “killed by the Internet”. Although Fred believes its influence has been largely positive (allowing him to play with people from Australia to Israel) he bemoans the inability to “get chemistry” through sites like “Recon and Manhunt”.Gil is somewhat more nostalgic for “the old days”. While the Internet makes it easier to find other individuals, it also presents a variety of new challenges. One does not know if the person on the other end is “real or planning to meet up”, and must always be careful when going to a foreign address. Dave undoubtedly expresses the most negative position of those interviewed. Similar to Fred, he remarks that “the Internet leaves no time to develop chemistry”, and mourns the organizational fragmentation it has created in its wake. Ultimately, however, dave admits it to be a two-edged sword; while the Internet “cuts out the opportunity for surprise…it’s really great to communicate with other bondage fanatics”.
The future of BDSM is thus promising but daunting. Radical sex has gone mainstream, whether practiced in the more liberal college campusesxii or beckoned at the virtual click of a mouse. The old dangers not only persist, however, but have also potentially intensified in kind. Let us hope that future practitioners, if not “Sane, Safe, and Consensual”, have at least some idea of the precautions established and conduct advocated by their BDSM elders.
Conclusion
While outsiders may reflexively dismiss BDSM as morally corrupt and mentally depravedxiii, the preceding analysis muddies such a simplistic assertion. As I have (hopefully) shown throughout this paper, BDSM is not some impulsive lark, but a highly structured and ritualized practice. Those interviewed have undoubtedly put considerable thought into both their motivations and actions, and ardently rely upon an established but ever expanding code of conduct. In this manner, players like Gil and dave have helped transform a once socially perverse sexual desire into an actual life-style, and grounded this within an ever-developing normative framework As with any aspect of human behavior, there will undoubtedly be abusive participants and dangerous situations. I would contend, however, that such cases are not only exceedingly rare, but are perhaps even less common than within the “normal” sex worldxiv. Indeed, in “regular” (gay or straight) sexual encounters the “rules of the game” go largely undefined, and questions of consent and trust are thus only infrequently discussed. The very essence of BDSM is predicated upon mutual but conflicting desires, and rule-breakers are therefore openly scorned, shamed, and even ostracized for the negative attention they invariably bring upon everyone elseIn no way do I seek to idealize or glorify the practice of radical sex. I continue to have no personal interest in “playing”, and was admittedly disturbed by some of the stories I heard and devices I encountered (I squirm just thinking about the urethra rod!). Anyone with a knee-jerk reaction towards BDSM practitioners, however, would do well to at least reconsider his or her outright hostility. As the great Persian poet Rumi once remarked, “there are a hundred ways to kneel and kiss the ground”.
www.zacharyshemtob.com/uploads/TheJoysofPain.pdf
